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[NF] Do you care how others feel?

wildcat

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Jun 8, 2007
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3,622
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INTP
I live for my own happiness and no one elses, if people would recognize that they need to take care of themselves and not rely on other people then by proxy everyone's needs would be taken care of. Being selfless and sacrificing your own well being for others is a paradox, for if taken to the extreme, everyone would be sacrificing their own needs for someone else's and no ones would be fulfilled due to everyone continuing to sacrifice for the other.

The basic situation is if you are asked to sacrifice your own interest and care more about another's who in turn is asked to sacrifice their well being which is your caring for them, and care more about anothers and so on and so on you are left with a null set, nothing.

However if you are selfish and everyone else in turn is and only care about your own needs and what you need to do to fulfill those, and if everyone else is doing that, then by taking care of yourself you are in turn benefiting everyone else by not being a burden on them.
Frasi del Duce.

What happened to him?

http://www.morticom.com/celebritydeathmussolini10.jpg
 

Opivy1980

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Jun 23, 2007
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138
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INTJ

Il Duce wasn't acting on his own behalf he was acting on Hitler's as well, which is where the problems started, Hitler didn't care about what happened to Italy, as well he shouldn't, he used them for his own ends, and Il Duce was too stupid to realize that. Franco didn't have the same problem because he recognized the situation, however I don't believe in dictatorships, so trying to state that a dictator is the ultimate selfish individual isn't correct. A Dictator refuses to acknowledge that it is in his interests to make sure that human rights of an individual are fulfilled therefore allowing that individual the opportunity to benefit himself the most, and, in turn, the rest of society.
 

attila_the_hunny

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Apr 25, 2007
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intp
I only care about the people I love. Most other people I don't give a shit about. Sounds cruel, but I don't have enough energy to care about people who aren't important to me.
 

The Ü™

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I am not ashamed of being cruel and cold. I don't really care about anyone unless they are useful, informative, or insightful to me in some way.

I don't like to express love for anything, because then people will discover my weaknesses and use them to take advantage of me.
 

Brendan

Guerilla Urbanist
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Apr 23, 2007
Messages
911
MBTI Type
ENFJ
I guess this is an NF type topic.
How much do you care how others feel?
In light of the idea that you can't control how others feel, how much should you really care?

Frankly, I enjoy caring about others... But there are times when I decide NOT to give a darn. Actually, I am leaning towards the understanding that in caring about my own feelings, its best to focus on them, and let others manage their own emotions...

Sometimes it feels like being a bad guy, but it seems important to staying happy.

Any ideas, thoughts, feelings?
How much do you care?
:heart:
Nothing beats the high I get from making other people feel good about themselves. Nothing. Can I control it? No, but I can most certainly influence it. Just like an architect cannot control wether or not his design will survive, but he can still do alot to influence it. Oh, and I can pick and choose whose feelings I care about.
 

runvardh

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I tend to care more than I like, but I try to filter it to keep from being overwhelmed. Hmmm, probably a reason why I'm single so often...
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
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I am not ashamed of being cruel and cold. I don't really care about anyone unless they are useful, informative, or insightful to me in some way. I don't like to express love for anything, because then people will discover my weaknesses and use them to take advantage of me.

When I went through that time period in my life, I found the solipsistic life a very boring and lonely one. I can't imagine a worse hell than being in a world where everything is completely controlled by me and no outside autonomous voice is permitted to inject new life and mystery.

(And love? It's one thing to be cared about because you are making someone else care about you, and another to realize that someone is choosing to care about you regardless of your own successes or failures or how much you do or do not "deserve" it... that is very heady stuff! But the price is that you cannot be totally in control of things.)

So I think it's a control issue. I know my early life was very unstable and I did not feel in control of much at all, so much of my early adulthood was spent trying to control everything and manage my life, cutting out whatever threatened my autonomy.

I guess it is a typical stage for anyone to pass through; and once one regains inner security/confidence, then one can start making an allowance for others to enter one's world and not feel threatened or intimidated by it, and can even extent oneself into others' worlds.

And that's part of an honest feeling of caring towards others -- that you have an inner confidence where you do not need anything from them per se, that you can afford to extend yourself because you want to (not because you have to), etc.
 

Natrushka

Pareo cattus
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Jun 7, 2007
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Nothing beats the high I get from making other people feel good about themselves. Nothing. Can I control it? No, but I can most certainly influence it. Just like an architect cannot control wether or not his design will survive, but he can still do alot to influence it. Oh, and I can pick and choose whose feelings I care about.
What if you do something you think is going to make them feel good and it backfires? I'm asking because this happened yesterday at my house... ENFJ BIL tried to help my ISTJ husband with the 'rocks in the lawn' - and messed up horribly. Now he has no clue, because we both think he'd be devastated. I know you don't mess with my husband's lawn, I figured the BIL who's known him for 25 years knew as well. My question is, do you think you'd want to know? How would you react? For the sake of suposition, if it were my lawn I'd have said something to make sure it never happened again (but we know I'm insensitive), my husband wants to keep harmony so I know he'll never say anything.
 

Brendan

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Apr 23, 2007
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What if you do something you think is going to make them feel good and it backfires? I'm asking because this happened yesterday at my house... ENFJ BIL tried to help my ISTJ husband with the 'rocks in the lawn' - and messed up horribly. Now he has no clue, because we both think he'd be devastated. I know you don't mess with my husband's lawn, I figured the BIL who's known him for 25 years knew as well. My question is, do you think you'd want to know? How would you react? For the sake of suposition, if it were my lawn I'd have said something to make sure it never happened again (but we know I'm insensitive), my husband wants to keep harmony so I know he'll never say anything.
Well uh, I was talking more about helping people through emotionally tough situations, but... Idk, personally, if I fucked something up, I'd want to be told as I was doing it, so that I could fix it.

Then again, Idk how old this guy is, and older people seem to be more easily offended. But I suppose you could always say something like "Hey, I wanted to put the rocks a different way. Would you mind helping?" Then just guide him more easily.

I for one do not do well with ambiguous directions.
 

heart

heart on fire
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May 19, 2007
Messages
8,456
I care about the people closest to me. I care if I feel I have done something thoughtless that hurts someone else. That's intentional care.

Then there is the automatic empathy type of feeling that I get that is really often painful and invasive and I try to block out as much as I can because I hate being drained. People create so much of their own pain in life through refusing to think things out and just letting their feelings and urges have free reign.
 

Natrushka

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Well uh, I was talking more about helping people through emotionally tough situations, but... Idk, personally, if I fucked something up, I'd want to be told as I was doing it, so that I could fix it.

Then again, Idk how old this guy is, and older people seem to be more easily offended. But I suppose you could always say something like "Hey, I wanted to put the rocks a different way. Would you mind helping?" Then just guide him more easily.

I for one do not do well with ambiguous directions.

Thanks for your input. I have a feeling the ISTJ is going to say something to the ENFJ at some point; probably in jest about the minefield the yard looked like. Later. When he's not crazy about it. Like September :rolli:
 

Natrushka

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I often say, "I don't care" but in reality, I care deeply.

I use the words "I don't care" often. But I use them to mean "I'm not bothered by it" or "you decide, I have no strong preference".

Drives my husband crazyier.
 

prplchknz

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Jun 11, 2007
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yupp
I usually care, but most of the time say I don't to avoid unwanted small talk/questions. I'll only admit I care to someone if I want to be closer to them, or make the relationship stronger.
 

INTJ+ENFJ=INFJ

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Others should feel good!....especially when they feel good about what you feel good about. In which you'll actually feel better because they don't realize they feel good because of you.

Call me that I am an INTJ who knows what's best for them! MUHAHAHA, MUHAHAHA!
 

Moiety

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Aug 3, 2008
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I only have trouble caring for people who are downright evil. I've been known to get in a few fights where I didn't want to hit my adversary despite having a good reason to do it.
 

Into It

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Aug 30, 2008
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I care, but that should be obvious (ENFP). I'm surprised that this topic got so much attention, I care how people feel a lot. As I disagree with their philosophies more and more, I do begin to care less and less. That shouldn't be the case.
 

disregard

mrs
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Apr 23, 2007
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I care because I am an empath. The empathy precedes the caring. This is why I detach and become almost rudely uncaring when another's feelings are too strong, because they overwhelm me.
 

CharmedFantasy

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Aug 25, 2008
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I care.. that's why I try to be nice to others or help if I can. I'd feel awful if someone became unhappy because of me or what I did to them. I know how it feels to be put down, treated bad etc. so I wouldn't want to make others feel the same way I did. I guess treat others how you want to be treated.
 
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