[NF] Do other NFs have this problem?

[Moiety]

Whether I've had the problem that people became too clingy... Hmm, first of all, I'm probably more a borderline F/T, which makes me communicate substantially different from the 'normal' NF I suppose. I tend to make friends, contacts very easily, and can be very charming (though I say so myself), but I first check people out very well and build up some sympathy for them before I go very in-depth/emotional/whatever with them. It is sorta paradoxical as I'm very open on one hand, but when people cross a certain line, I get very reserved/critical.

Also, I have absolutely no problems notifying people (indirectly) I don't appreciate their attention. You could say some people can be intimidated by my aloofness (when I turn it on), but people that I like would say I'm a very warm person, though I feel sorta ashamed to express it every once in a while.

For example, if somebody hugs me and they are not friends or people I have a lot of sympathy for, I would give them a very cold shower and be very blunt... I bet he/she wouldn't try that again Also, if somebody tells me they have such an emotional (or anything else) bond with me and this is totally one-sided, I tend to become very aloof and reserved. On the other hand, when I do feel the same, somebody has just scored some major points.

I'm not sure, but this doesn't sound very NF to all of you or does it?

I can relate to a lot of what you just said. Maybe it's because I'm a male and I have high T for an F, myself, dunno.

In the end I try to be as random as possible. I'm pretty democratic showing empathy to others. I don't play favorites which can either make other people feel like I don't pay them enough attention or make them feel like I definitely like them a lot. So people are often both clingy and somewhat intimidated if that makes any sense.

 

[maerzhase]

People seem so surprised to be listened to and remembered! Guess it goes to show how little the present culture pays attention.

Yes, this is what I think as well.

 

[BerberElla]

I have a problem with people thinking we made an emotional "connection" like at work, school, out in public and they hold onto this..but in reality there really isn't anything going on out of the norm but they are so sure you understand etc etc feel it too...anyone else ever get this?

Yes, this has happened to me before aswell. I have no idea where it comes from half the time because I was usually just talking regularly with them, then the next thing I know they are telling me how connected they feel to me, when I feel the total opposite.

I find it's usually been with the types least able to identify a deep emotional connection, so what they see actually means more to them than it does to me.

 

[CzeCze]

I have a problem with people thinking we made an emotional "connection" like at work, school, out in public and they hold onto this..but in reality there really isn't anything going on out of the norm but they are so sure you understand etc etc feel it too...anyone else ever get this?

No, I'm careful and responsible to present myself clearly.

I also think I've cultivated (at least consciously, in part) the persona of someone who is very independent and self-contained - I am here, I can be with you, but I go my own way. It's harder for people to form initial deep attachments or expectations to people like this, or feel mislead later.

I try to create realistic expectations from the get go. Also, people are random?

I know that I love people in theory and I value connecting with people. More than that, I like sharing and hearing from people. I can acknowledge those moments and connections and value them and also leave it at 'it is what it is'.

You're right, connections are part of normal ENFP being! However, that's not the case for everyone and it's very possible that others will put more significance on your INTENT or the social consequence. You may thank, "Cool, it was nice to meet you". They may think, "I have met my future mate" LOL.

Is that the issue you're running across?

My advice would be to monitor yourself and other people better and learn to behave more appropriately for those social situations.

 

[polerbearsand]

A few weeks ago some friends were having a kegger at their house. Part way through the night one of them, a guy, took me upstairs to his room because he had to "tell me something important." We walk up the stairs, and I'm feeling the awkwardness of the impending situation. We walk into his room and he closes the door after me. Then he tells me that he's gay and tries to kiss me.

I tell him I'm not attracted to men, but he almost wouldn't take no for an answer. He kept saying that he felt "a connection" to me.

We're still friends, I just don't hang out with him as much any more.

This has happened to me a few times, where other guys think we have a connection when I'm just trying to be a friend. It must be an NF thing.

 

[Anja]

I'd say he was lucky you were INFP!

"Trip to the Moon" for sure!

 

[Wild horses]

Yea sometimes, however, more often than not I have made an emotional connection with them as I usally connect with most people this way. However, I have had it happen to me a few times when I haven't really made a connection with someone but they think that I have maybe that's due to empathy and my tendancy to mirror people

 

[Anja]

I dunno. Sometimes I wonder exactly what it is. For about fifteen years I've had people just zeroing in out of the ozone. Example: I'll be having lunch with someone and a person will just walk up and start talking. I never know what to make of that.

 

[briochick]

I have a problem with people thinking we made an emotional "connection" like at work, school, out in public and they hold onto this..but in reality there really isn't anything going on out of the norm but they are so sure you understand etc etc feel it too...anyone else ever get this?

This used to happen to me. I learned, over time, to put on a cold front when I sensed people becoming dissproportionately attached to me until they back off. One of my friends said (of when someone like this came around and hugged me) that it was visible. It still feels terribly mean but I also feel like it's survival.

 

[CrystalViolet]

Whether I've had the problem that people became too clingy... Hmm, first of all, I'm probably more a borderline F/T, which makes me communicate substantially different from the 'normal' NF I suppose. I tend to make friends, contacts very easily, and can be very charming (though I say so myself), but I first check people out very well and build up some sympathy for them before I go very in-depth/emotional/whatever with them. It is sorta paradoxical as I'm very open on one hand, but when people cross a certain line, I get very reserved/critical.

Also, I have absolutely no problems notifying people (indirectly) I don't appreciate their attention. You could say some people can be intimidated by my aloofness (when I turn it on), but people that I like would say I'm a very warm person, though I feel sorta ashamed to express it every once in a while.

For example, if somebody hugs me and they are not friends or people I have a lot of sympathy for, I would give them a very cold shower and be very blunt... I bet he/she wouldn't try that again Also, if somebody tells me they have such an emotional (or anything else) bond with me and this is totally one-sided, I tend to become very aloof and reserved. On the other hand, when I do feel the same, somebody has just scored some major points.

I'm not sure, but this doesn't sound very NF to all of you or does it?

Yeah it does.....but I'm boarderline F/T too, so I'm similar.

 

[heart]

Sometimes. Total strangers poring their hearts
Yes, out to me and stuff.

Yes, strangers do this to me too. But they don't want really to be friends. There's no real relationship built. These are fleeting encounters.

Often people I know who really don't even like me most of the time will at rare moments pour out their hearts but it isn't like they suddenly see me in a new light and treat me with a new respect. It's just a fleeting, passing thing---they are purging their souls, dumping their pain, seeking connection when they need it and then they move on, preferring I think to forget their moment.

 

[bearette]

In the past, people I haven't known very well have "poured out their hearts" to me. And for sure, good friends or even casual friends often feel comfortable telling me personal stuff.

However, I am the one who feels emotional connections with people a lot. Well, no, not a lot. But I've had experiences where another person and I get really emotionally attached to each other. (experiencing that now, with an ENFJ). It usually happens with other NFS, but it kind of happens with NTs sometimes, too.

I don't know, I guess being an introvert and all, I am pretty guarded most of the time. It takes a lot for me to open up....but when I do......WOW (typical INFP).

 

[sculpting]

I have a problem with people thinking we made an emotional "connection" like at work, school, out in public and they hold onto this..but in reality there really isn't anything going on out of the norm but they are so sure you understand etc etc feel it too...anyone else ever get this?

Thats cause you are an INFJ. I always feel a deep emotional connection with them even though they didnt say anything to me much at all. You poor guys just ooze the deep spiritual vibe and we all lust after your wholesomeness and want to bathe in your wisdom.

sucks to be you.

 

[kiddykat]

I think it boils down to the fact that as humans, we're more similar than we think. T4, when we're 'open' to each other, we feel as though we connect.

I too had total strangers just dish out their emotions to me. Even though people and including myself, feel as though we made a 'special' connection, sometimes, it is, because we let our guards down. We openly respect on another enough to share our experiences.

In a fast-paced society, it's often unusual for people to be able to share that part of themselves, because it's deep. So they feel connected when they're heard.

To me- a special bond is when you really get to know a person for who they are, and you share those experiences together. And, basically you care for one another to the point where their well-being truly matters to you. Not everyone gets this treatment. It's time, nourishment, consideration both parties mutually invest.

 

[Skyward]

I think its more common with female NFs because society's standard says the Man is the seeker, so its in the men's mind to find their partner. With male NFs the women who feel this connection might just keep a little distance, hoping the NF feels the connection too and pursues it.

But the main trigger is just the 'atypical niceness' aura NFs give off (Especially NF women). My mom works at our town's library and complains all the time about people thinking her 'work smile' is a relationship invitation, while the 'limit pushing' people why away from her because she can be a she-devil when pished

I find that I just give off a 'closed' feeling like Kyrielle said. Though people register it is weirdness or "That pool is way too deep to swim in comfortably"

 

[Winds of Thor]

Originally Posted by Rainbows
I have a problem with people thinking we made an emotional "connection" like at work, school, out in public and they hold onto this..but in reality there really isn't anything going on out of the norm but they are so sure you understand etc etc feel it too...anyone else ever get this?

Thats cause you are an INFJ. I always feel a deep emotional connection with them even though they didnt say anything to me much at all. You poor guys just ooze the deep spiritual vibe and we all lust after your wholesomeness and want to bathe in your wisdom.

sucks to be you.

Rainbows, I think you take your very unique empathic talent for granted...I wish I had your insight into people..Are you numb to feel "...there isn't anything going on".."out of the norm"?

C'mon here. You DO understand. You just needed me (ENTP) to help you realize it!

..and INFJs wonder why no one 'appreciates their gifts'?

I would shave my head and go without food for 5 days to have your talents..

 

[Winds of Thor]

In the past, people I haven't known very well have "poured out their hearts" to me. And for sure, good friends or even casual friends often feel comfortable telling me personal stuff.

However, I am the one who feels emotional connections with people a lot. Well, no, not a lot. But I've had experiences where another person and I get really emotionally attached to each other. (experiencing that now, with an ENFJ). It usually happens with other NFS, but it kind of happens with NTs sometimes, too.

I don't know, I guess being an introvert and all, I am pretty guarded most of the time. It takes a lot for me to open up....but when I do......WOW (typical INFP).

I've 'dumped' my emotions to one INFJ in my lifetime..I really value connection..That's where it's at for me.

Do you ever feel hurt if someone does this and one removes themselves? This hurts.

I don't open up to just about everyone..And I think it's bad to open up to many people other than one person. I am extremely uncomfortable with the idea of 'having many relationships' with many others..it just seems it would spread one thin...and become a superficial context or view of life. To think this way gives me a harsh headache.

Yes, strangers do this to me too. But they don't want really to be friends. There's no real relationship built. These are fleeting encounters.

Often people I know who really don't even like me most of the time will at rare moments pour out their hearts but it isn't like they suddenly see me in a new light and treat me with a new respect. It's just a fleeting, passing thing---they are purging their souls, dumping their pain, seeking connection when they need it and then they move on, preferring I think to forget their moment.

My, that feels so artificial. Sorry.

This used to happen to me. I learned, over time, to put on a cold front when I sensed people becoming dissproportionately attached to me until they back off. One of my friends said (of when someone like this came around and hugged me) that it was visible. It still feels terribly mean but I also feel like it's survival.

You take connection for granted. I wish I had one-fifth of your ability.

Count your blessings. Do you just throw away people? I mean I'm sure this isn't intentional...but essentially that's what I see you saying. What? Survival? No. From What on Earth are you surviving when you have abundance of people liking you? I'm at a loss for seeing your point. Mind you, I read people second to only ENFP.

I'd say he was lucky you were INFP!

"Trip to the Moon" for sure!

Second that!

A few weeks ago some friends were having a kegger at their house. Part way through the night one of them, a guy, took me upstairs to his room because he had to "tell me something important." We walk up the stairs, and I'm feeling the awkwardness of the impending situation. We walk into his room and he closes the door after me. Then he tells me that he's gay and tries to kiss me.

I tell him I'm not attracted to men, but he almost wouldn't take no for an answer. He kept saying that he felt "a connection" to me.

We're still friends, I just don't hang out with him as much any more.

This has happened to me a few times, where other guys think we have a connection when I'm just trying to be a friend. It must be an NF thing.

Chastity Belt for guys?

 

[BlueScreen]

It's because we don't push people back out of the comfort zone unless necessary, so people push forward, see little resistance and think it means something, when it might just mean we are slower to offend them or hurt their feelings. Like you want to give everyone a run, and benefit of doubt, even when intuition tells you strongly otherwise.

 

[Synapse]

Emotional connection is curious process, my friends say they need emotional connections to be comfortable around girls. Their friends pour their hearts out to them just not me. I have this uneasy distant vibe that often makes it unlikely random people want to pour their hearts out.

 

[soleil]

Sometimes. Total strangers poring their hearts out to me and stuff. Plus the occasional lonely male misreading the attention being given as interest. I've had a couple of stalkers when I was younger, so I'm much more careful not to put out mixed signals now...it could also be my sheer awesomeness too, and they want a piece of that.
I also put it down to me being such a friggin bleeding heart. People just attach themselves to me, when they catch glimspe of my gooey soft center. I've learnt to be colder, and harder as people will not hesitate to take advantage.

Ditto.^^^