[NF] Do other NFs have this problem?

[ReadingRainbows]

I have a problem with people thinking we made an emotional "connection" like at work, school, out in public and they hold onto this..but in reality there really isn't anything going on out of the norm but they are so sure you understand etc etc feel it too...anyone else ever get this?

 

[Lady_X]

nope...i usually do feel connected with people when i have long talks with them....doesn't mean i need to be their best friend or anything...but i do feel it usually.

 

[CrystalViolet]

Sometimes. Total strangers poring their hearts out to me and stuff. Plus the occasional lonely male misreading the attention being given as interest. I've had a couple of stalkers when I was younger, so I'm much more careful not to put out mixed signals now...it could also be my sheer awesomeness too, and they want a piece of that.
I also put it down to me being such a friggin bleeding heart. People just attach themselves to me, when they catch glimspe of my gooey soft center. I've learnt to be colder, and harder as people will not hesitate to take advantage.

 

[Tiny Army]

A lot of men have accused me of sending signals when I wasn't...?

 

[Lady_X]

A lot of men have accused me of sending signals when I wasn't...?

well yeah...that kind of confusion happens a lot, i think for me too...but for me...a friendly connection usually goes both ways i think.

 

[elementaltale]

I find that I have to distance myself from people for the most part and that it takes me years to trust them for once that trust is earned it is near impossible for me to "disconnect" myself.

I also keep a tight restraint on my emotions as I can get a little "weird" around people that I am used to.

 

[Nonsensical]

Yeah, I do. Sometimes when I meet new people, or spend more time with people I didn't know so well, I'll start to feel a little akward, like there might be a connection between us. I'll usually just push myself back and keep my boundries. There's just a lot of people I don't want to get intimate with, and those who I do, I haven't developed close relationships with, yet..

 

[Amargith]

stalkers, check
sudden outpouring of emotions from strangers, check
getting accused of giving signals when not actively flirting, check
I've also had people asking my friends and boyfriend for my msn and phonenumber etc after meeting me..guess that's part of it too.
Being kissed in the middle of the street by a complete stranger quadrupal check, for that matter.

People are weird creatures, and I'm sure that we're not the only ones to have this happen to us. I've just learned to live with it.

 

[hjomn]

Being kissed in the middle of the street by a complete stranger quadrupal check, for that matter.

Wow!

Even that?

Ghehe, just wondering... What do you do on those occassions?

 

[Amargith]

Wow!

Even that?

Ghehe, just wondering... What do you do on those occassions?

You tend to be too flabbergasted to do something. Other people will usually do something if anything. Most of the time, though, the guys run before you can slap 'em. I pushed on of them off me, I think (this is spread over 10 years so my memory is fuzzy). Others tend to do it in like..a pushy semi-ok social function. Like when chatting you up in the street, and then saying 'goodbye' and then they accidentily land on your lips. It's..yeah. Also..I dunno, as much as I'm outraged, you're up against a guy who's usually twice your size, and can do potentially a lot more to you. So it makes you think twice..and by that time they've usually left. But yeah, I seem to have some kind of 'Kiss me'-stamp on my forehead.

One guy got thrown out of a mall though, coz some shopassistent saw him do it and she called security. I know..my boyfriend didn't believe me either, when I told him half an hour later. I was telling him the story, he laughed and obviously felt I was exaggerating, when at that point some random guy walks towards us, looks me up and down and goes: 'Nice!' My SO's jaw dropped to the floor and from then on he started believing the crazy shit I told him about. Must say the timing on that was excellent, though even I was completely taken by surprise. This was about 8 years ago. Never did forget about that one.

 

[jungie]

LOL - yeah all the time - it's best not to leave the house!

And some cultures are safer than others. I travel a lot for work and find I'm quite safe in China but Arab countries - if I had a dollar for every time this happened, I'd be a Saudi oil king!

 

[hjomn]

Whether I've had the problem that people became too clingy... Hmm, first of all, I'm probably more a borderline F/T, which makes me communicate substantially different from the 'normal' NF I suppose. I tend to make friends, contacts very easily, and can be very charming (though I say so myself), but I first check people out very well and build up some sympathy for them before I go very in-depth/emotional/whatever with them. It is sorta paradoxical as I'm very open on one hand, but when people cross a certain line, I get very reserved/critical.

Also, I have absolutely no problems notifying people (indirectly) I don't appreciate their attention. You could say some people can be intimidated by my aloofness (when I turn it on), but people that I like would say I'm a very warm person, though I feel sorta ashamed to express it every once in a while.

For example, if somebody hugs me and they are not friends or people I have a lot of sympathy for, I would give them a very cold shower and be very blunt... I bet he/she wouldn't try that again Also, if somebody tells me they have such an emotional (or anything else) bond with me and this is totally one-sided, I tend to become very aloof and reserved. On the other hand, when I do feel the same, somebody has just scored some major points.

I'm not sure, but this doesn't sound very NF to all of you or does it?

 

[jungie]

^^ sounds a bit T to me

 

[The Third Rider]

I notice a trend, a lot of ENFPs some INFPs here as well. This does happen to me as well, I guess I can be too friendly sometimes.

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

well, i *do* feel a connection with many people i interact with, if there is a connection there. but i've learned over the years to trust it, and *know* that if i'm feeling it, it's probably there! haha.

my current preoccupation (one of them!) is to ponder whether i can feel energy with people with whom i have a connection from afar......sometimes i get overpowering feelings or intuition that *said person* is thinking of me or feeling about me JUST as i am about them. i haven't learned yet if i can trust this or not.....but often, at least by measurable parameters (them making contact, etc), it is not bearing out. but since i don't seek to really affirm this, i'm really not sure.

if i told someone with whom i had a connection that i had a connection with them and they denied it, it would either crush me, or i would just assume they were not in touch with that deep-seated of an energy level.

but that's just my personality.

 

[BlackCat]

I try to not make connections at work/school. They are just acquaintances, in the long run you just have to trust your friends. The acquaintances are good to be there so you have someone to talk to when your friends aren't around, and it's always nice to talk to new people.

 

[Kyrielle]

I have a problem with people thinking we made an emotional "connection" like at work, school, out in public and they hold onto this..but in reality there really isn't anything going on out of the norm but they are so sure you understand etc etc feel it too...anyone else ever get this?

Not that I know of. Might have happened a couple of times, but otherwise it's rare enough that I don't remember the incidence. Where other people have an "Open" sign on them, I have a "Closed" one.

 

[Anja]

People often tell me things that are bothering them. People will call me their best friend and I don't think we've been close enough for that label to apply. That always surprises me. Apparently some people need less than I do to bond with others.

 

[maerzhase]

I don't invite people to talk to me about their emotional problems, still I tend to get wrapped up with them. Often people tell me that I am the first one listening to them and paying attention.

 

[Anja]

I've noticed that, too, maerzhase. People seem so surprised to be listened to and remembered! Guess it goes to show how little the present culture pays attention.