Especially if I get a baseline for someone's style of communication, it is nearly impossible to offend me if there is not offense intended. The main miscommunications occur when I don't know the person, or if I am the one who hasn't communicated accurately enough. I'm not claiming I always understand what people are saying, but have a process of not concluding and continually gathering information that does attempt to maximize accuracy. I pay attention to word patterns that people use as well as body language. My memory is geared towards keeping track of patterns of how various people communicate in order to get a baseline to know what they mean better. I make a concerted effort to understand.
People often equate sensitivity and easy offense to NFs, but it is rare I get offended. I can think of a few times, but those tend to be larger scale prejudices that affect a lot of people and the perpetrator might even be oblivious to what they are doing. The things that offend me are the least personal directly. If any person ever felt concerned they have offended me, that is a sort of proof they haven't. If they had, I would still be gathering information and would eventually stumble onto the fact it was not intended as hurt, and then we're good.
In smaller group dynamics throughout my life and in every conceivable situation I've noticed often people becoming offended by something an individual does, and it never occurs to me to be offended. I wonder if it is spaciness, or a lack of some sort of skill, or a sort of empathy where I'm viewing the scene from each individual separately as opposed to group norms and expectations. It makes me fear I could easily offend others in groups and so default to being quiet, listening, and smiling.
The only times I have come close to feeling comfortable in any group is at Science Fiction conventions and experimental art shows. Those are places where anyone is accepted and there isn't much of a vibe of annoyance or offense. In most other places I walk on eggshells because there are so many expectations that I care nothing about, but also don't want negative attention and punishment for being spacy about it. So am I offended when punished for missing a social expectation? Not exactly, because I can see it is important to many people. I just prefer to find a way to avoid the conflict in the first place.
You crack me up, AO. Is she still trying to get you presents? I get your rationale but yeah...it's inconsiderate...very inconsiderate. One could also argue that it's inconsiderate to keep ignoring what the other person wants or needs. But I'm sure your mother had the best intentions in mind and it meant something to her, an expression that she cares about you. It's not wrong to express your opinion but it's all about the wording because this is the sure way to hurt people's feelings when it's not really necessary. If you want things to go your way, it might be best to try to take an approach that wouldn't be so blunt but rather that explains your reasons some more.
