Could you fall in love with an INTJ?

[maydelle]

that aint love.

No, I suppose it isn't. ^_^

 

[Donna Cecilia]

that aint love.

I agree.

 

[maydelle]

as the willing partner of an ISTJ... who is actually crazy about him, I can say that you IxTJ people are funny to deal with

he's MUCH more likely to show love through actions and helping me out than through words or presents or anything... like doing things he doesn't really LIKE to do for me and things of that sort (like going out to my work social events with me even though I KNOW that he doesn't want to go!)... Kind of like what you described there

Mostly all that's needed is just realizing that everyone's different and that they show that they love you in different way, so yes, even INTJs can be loved- unless they adore Ayn Rand

the important question is are YOU willing to deal with other type's quirks?

Yep I am. If I wasn't willing to deal with other people's quirks than I would probably be a bored human corpse and a bit sad too.

 

[miss fortune]

Yep I am. If I wasn't willing to deal with other people's quirks than I would probably be a bored human corpse and a bit sad too.

then you have hope

there are plenty of people who would be happy with a loyal, quirky partner who is willing to sacrifice their own comfort in order to make them happy

 

[maydelle]

then you have hope

there are plenty of people who would be happy with a loyal, quirky partner who is willing to sacrifice their own comfort in order to make them happy

Please read the first thing I wrote, underneath the question written in capital letters (which I was hoping to come across as me shouting).

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

The question I asked was about a thought I've having based on human tolerance and other people's opinion on it. If it was based on my relationship than I wouldn't have asked because I already know the answer to that.

I didn't say it was based on your relationship. I'm responding to your OP, which is titled "Could you fall in love with an INTJ?" I'm pointing out that the things described are not indicative of type, but of maturity. If you don't want people to connect your thread title with the content of the thread, you should probably call it something else.

 

[maydelle]

First of all, you did not elaborate.

Second of all, by frigid, I was refering to those who are FRIGID.
If you feel insulted by that, maybe there is a reason to be?

I'm not easily offended.

 

[miss fortune]

Please read the first thing I wrote, underneath the question written in capital letters (which I was hoping to come across as me shouting).

that's what the answer is to... like I said... I have an IxTJ of my own at home, I obviously like y'all

check your reps, dahling... it shall explain what I said better

 

[strawberries]

it amuses me when someone starts a thread and then jumps all over the responses they receive in a flurry of defensiveness. if you want your unfettered thoughts to remain unchallenged/unexamined - start a journal rather than a thread on a forum.

if you read some threads here on nts and relationships you might find some of the ideas resonate - nts and intj robots in particular have different needs when it comes to partnering up. there's also those tests on 'love languages' - some people value hearing words of affirmation rather than receiving physical affection….blah blah - google it.

in my experience though you learn more valuable stuff about lovin' and being loved through doing. you need to get muddy in the trenches.

all best
strawberries

 

[maydelle]

I didn't say it was based on your relationship. I'm responding to your OP, which is titled "Could you fall in love with an INTJ?" I'm pointing out that the things described are not indicative of type, but of maturity. If you don't want people to connect your thread title with the content of the thread, you should probably call it something else.

Sorry I didn't realise you were responding to the OP. To be honest I didn't even know it was called an OP

 

[maydelle]

it amuses me when someone starts a thread and then jumps all over the responses they receive in a flurry of defensiveness. if you want your unfettered thoughts to remain unchallenged/unexamined - start a journal rather than a thread on a forum.

if you read some threads here on nts and relationships you might find some of the ideas resonate - nts and intj robots in particular have different needs when it comes to partnering up. there's also those tests on 'love languages' - some people value hearing words of affirmation rather than receiving physical affection….blah blah - google it.

in my experience though you learn more valuable stuff about lovin' and being loved through doing. you need to get muddy in the trenches.

all best
strawberries

I'm happy it amuses you. Well just glad. I like my thoughts to be challenged if I didn't I wouldn't have asked people what they thought. Please please please challenge me.

I've just joined and was a tat too eager to ask something.

 

[sculpting]

Are you seeking a deep convo on the topic?

You can ask the mods to change the thread title perhaps to something more appropriate, so we dont all tell you how much we love you. Cause we might just love you. Just saying. I know we havent known you for very long, but love is a magical thing....

Can a human be emotionally attached to another human which does not reciprocally display affection? Absolutely, although there has to be something to spark that affection, likely rooted in projection of emotional feelings onto the recipient. We are all born thinking other people think and feel as we would and have to be taught or learn that is not the case. Emotional assumptions make the world go round. The duration of such a relationship would depend upon the obliviousness of the party emoting and their need for display of affection in turn. If they could tolerate or misunderstand displays from the recipient, perhaps the relationship would continue.

However if those projections collapse, the question of the persistence of love in spite of a lack of love in return, perhaps, will trigger the assumption that the recipient does not actually feel love. In this case could love continue? It might be replaced by feelings of hate, feelings of good will or perhaps no feelings at all....

With absolutely no signs of external affection, the one offering affection is putting themselves and associated resources at great risk for no return on investment, thus I would argue against it being a biologically, hormonally induced state that would continue for very long...

 

[SecondBest]

What I want to know is how many of you would be willing to stay in a relationship where the other person doesn't show any signs of love towards you?

Wow. You just described every relationship I've ever been in. And yet I keep coming back for more. So to answer your question - yes, I have and yes, I would. But I kind of don't give a shit about myself like that.

 

[Onceajoan]

What I want to know is how many of you would be willing to stay in a relationship where the other person doesn't show any signs of love towards you?
BASED ON THE OPINIONS OF OTHERS ( YOU) ON HUMAN TOLERANCE NOT ME.

NO! Been there. Done that.

 

[Phantonym]

What I want to know is how many of you would be willing to stay in a relationship where the other person doesn't show any signs of love towards you?

Hm. Not showing any signs of love doesn't mean that there is no love. Just because you're not gushing all over the place doesn't mean that you don't love them. Maybe that person has their own personal and unique way of showing love and if you do love somebody, you'd want to share it with that person in some way. In that case, yes, I would be willing to be with them because the love is there.

But, going with the understanding that not showing signs of love means that there is no love. No, I would not look forward to being in such a relationship. Personally, I don't consider this a healthy kind of behaviour in the long run. From my point of view this would be idolizing somebody in such a way that you disregard yourself and rob yourself and the other person a chance to be with somebody they do love and get that love reciprocated. Just because I happen to love somebody doesn't mean that I would be willing to bury myself in such a relationship that is not based on reality and could only bring suffering...to both parties really. It does not end well in reality, no matter how far you'll get with your fantasies.

However, there are different kind of relationships, and as others have said, love can be expressed in different ways. The relationship could be based on something entirely different in a way that works for both parties and does bring some kind of satisfaction and fulfillment. If it works, then good for the people who do like this kind of arrangement.

But...could I fall in love with an INTJ? Why, yes, absolutely. Not showing any signs of love towards people isn't an exclusive INTJ or type thing at all, it just shows that you don't love the person and you should definitely stop wasting your own and their time asap.

 

[skylights]

i don't mind if someone's not openly warm with everyone - i actually like my partner to be more reserved and less mushy-gushy than me. i appreciate a cooler, calmer balance to my sunshine and firestorms. with an INTJ it's not usually hard to tell if they're being genuine anyway, ime.

i have more of a problem with people who are warm but i'm not sure if they actually love me, or just enjoy my company. people get warm and open and goofy around me... call it the ENFP effect or something... but sometimes i'm not sure if they're doing it because they actually like me or just because i know how to make them feel warm and fuzzy inside... actually... i'm not sure they always know either...

 

[chickpea]

an INTJ.. maybe. i'm not going to say never although i surround myself with FP's and i think most of the guys i've been interested in have been SP's with a couple NF's in there. someone who doesn't show any signs of love towards me? hell no. there would be absolutely no point in being in a relationship like that for me. i require a certain amount of coddling, and if i don't get it i start questioning their feelings for me so if i got nothing at all it would drive me crazy. i'd probably never be interested in someone that cold to begin with.

 

[Amargith]

Ime, INTJs tend to show their love through helping you out and making the world more safe around you. And I very much appreciate that. I have one of my own, as well. He may appear very stern and rigid to the world, but he's not with me though, and I do think that's due to our dynamic. He learned that it was ok to let go at times though it took him a while. As for me, I don't expect that though it's a very nice bonus. INTJs tend to have a particular way to look at you that's very piercing..and yet when you do something they don't anticipate (and yes, believe me, we are capable of that ) they suddenly get that incredibly sweet and confused look on their face...often followed by a faint smile. I love doing that to them. Coz I know it means they care...they like what I'm doing. I don't need much...just the look in your eyes

Also..I'm used to just about *anyone* being less gushy and affectionate than I am...so it doesn't really bother me, as long as it doesn't bother you to be force cuddled at times, and kissed at the most crazy moments, and generally being smothered with affection yourself. I have enough for both of us..no need to worry

 

[InvisibleJim]

Being an INTJ myself I've noticed that in any type of relationship I've ever had
I have not been able (or willing) to give back as much intensity as I've received.

What I want to know is how many of you would be willing to stay in a relationship where the other person doesn't show any signs of love towards you?
BASED ON THE OPINIONS OF OTHERS ( YOU) ON HUMAN TOLERANCE NOT ME.

Welcome to the INTJ forum conundrum and why we learn to keep such threads for INTJ only forums.

Communicate with other people? You'll be misunderstood because of a slight of context.

In this case because you said 'shows no signs of love towards you' rather than 'unconventional signs of love towards you'.

It takes a relatively long time (for me) to trust someone enough to let my hair down and want to do all of the 'fun bubbly' ExxP boring and irrelevant nonsense with them. *glares at Strawberries and Halla for throwing rocks at a 17 post member*

 

[figsfiggyfigs]

I'm not easily offended.

Hence why I said I doubted it