A lot of these are stereotypes:
A lot of issues that INTJs have relate to Ni taking an overly dominant role in their personality. Some examples of this:
I've been called extremely placid and passive. So I don't understand the "dominant role" thing. if anything I always feel like a third wheel or the type of person people forget is in the room. I believe you're confusing INTJs with ENTJs.
Yeah, this is a funny one. It makes more sense if you think in terms of the internet being full of INxx more than anything else. Compared with INTP, INFP, and INFJ, we INTJs are intellectual bullies who are way too forceful in our discussion of topics. Compared with Te and Fe doms, and type 8 Enneagram, INTJs are quite timid.
Don't listen to other perspectives - At times, the INTJ can quickly dismiss things that others might say and have a tendency to come across like they think they are always right. Even if they do listen, they may not come across like they are. The explanation for much of this is that the INTJ can use Te to cut off new information rather than the more productive use of Te, which is to judge their insights against the external world.
I have seen just about
every personality type do this. I'm not sure if this is an INTJ thing at all. This is a people thing.
Indeed.
If anything INTJs are much more open minded about other perspectives then their own because they see different perspectives as key to understanding an issue. (Understanding how people think about something is good information for us to use when we are analyzing a subject).
Also...we do not think we are always right. I'm getting tired of this silly stereotype. This seems like more of an SF thing imo. It wouldn't be truthful or rational to believe you were "always right." INTJs are interested in what is true. Why would they believe something that isn't true?
If they were unhealthy or immature, they may believe this.
Also, if we aren't listening to you, it's because we are spacing out of daydreaming. Sometimes the outside world is not a very interesting place for us. We have so many thoughts going through our brains all the time that we can't always pay attention to the outside world. Our brains are constantly making connections all the time, with INTJs we are doing it by bringing seemingly unrelated/unconnected things into a discussion.
It's not that we aren't open minded to what you're saying, it's that our brains cannot hold onto your words.
What a lot of people describe as INTJs “not listening†is more aptly described as “disagreeing.†Their problem isn’t that you aren’t listening, their problem is that you don’t agree with them, and that makes them FEEL like you aren’t listening, because of course if you were really listening, then you’d agree. Or at least not keep on telling them that they’re wrong. The INxP thinks you're wrong "because Ne", and the INFJ think's you're wrong "because Fe", and you keep on "ignoring" all their Ne and/or Fe points.
Overly critical - INTJs are prone to finding fault in things and situations to an excessive degree. They can tend to blame others for things that go wrong or apply judgement towards others rather than themselves.
I've learned to stop caring about the workplace as a mechanism. I am not responsible for running it, therefore I am not responsible for when things go wrong. When my managers "mis manage" me, I couldn't care less if the place fell to the ground. I do what you tell me because if I don't, you get mad. I am no longer interested in making the workplace better, I'm interested in money.
This is totally the INxx side of things, here. INxP types and INFJs tend to hear a lot of “blame†in typical INTJ remarks. The crosstalk going on here is that more often than not because the INTJ said, “You did that wrong,†(subject-verb-predicate) instead of, “That was done wrong,†(shit happens, and it would be rude to mention who did it, if anyone). In INTJ terms, in order to solve problems, you have to not only speak of the problems, you have to address their causes. Problems without causes (in order to avoid blame) will occur again. Because shit happens. Also note that INTJ "blame" isn't personal: an INTJ isn't saying "You are a bad person" because you caused a problem. That's actually a tough thing for the other INxx types to believe. To them, and to most non-xNTJs, blame is very personal.
Don't know know how they come across to others - INTJs, especially when young can be pretty oblivious as to how they come across to other people.
Aren't we all? Youth is the height of self absorption.
Again, very apt. I will say, however, that INTJs will appear to be much more self-absorbed in this regard because they don’t connect to the very common Si (INxP tertiary) and Fe (INFJ auxiliary, INTP inferior) patterns that most of society uses. This also maps to “not listening†and “dismissing what others have to sayâ€, because we INTJs have to figure out how things work from first principles, as society doesn’t use our patterns of thinking. An INTJ hears the Si and Fe patterns as "just so" stories. (
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Just_So_Stories) To the INTJ mind, at first we accept those explanations as children, but we learn over time that they don't work for us. We then start figuring out how the world works
in our terms of thinking, which tends to remove the Si and Fe patterns of reasoning and replaces them with Ni and Te patterns of reasoning. Having done so, we then learn that very few people understand what we've figured out, in part because it is too abstract to fit into Si patterns, and in part because it is too strictly objective to fit into Fe patterns.
Unrealistic expectations - INTJs can have excessive expectations of others as well as themselves. Nobody measures up.
Again, I think this applies to everyone.
It's as if SJs and Enneagram type 1s don't even exist ...
Imagine my perspective on this as an INTJ 9.
Hard time communicating - They can have difficulty communicating what is in their mind to others. Sometimes, they are vague and cannot easily express the reasons for the way they thing.
The only time I have difficulty communicating is when someone else decides to usurp the conversation. I work in customer service so I've trained myself on how to communicate with people effectively. I have to laugh at those suppose INTJs who say small talk isn't important or that they "don't get it." What is there to take? Someone asks you a question and you answer.
The one problem I believe you'll find with INTJs and communicating is when they try to repress their feelings. Most INTJs are embarrassed by emotional outbursts and typically hold in their emotions. This can have a negative effect and come out in passive aggressive ways. An INTJ will never tell you when something is wrong or when they feel bad. You will likely not know until the INTJ has fallen over in exhaustion.
I remember being in kindergarten and feeling like I was going to faint. The teacher specifically told us we were not to talk unless we raised our hand. I remember raising my hand quite fervently trying to get the teacher's attention so that I could go to the nurse. The teacher was busy talking with other students and did not notice me. I eventually passed out, fell on some kid's lap, and woke up in the hospital.
We want people to guess our feelings, so that we don't have to state them.
Wise words. Yes.
One thing that I've come to observe as common among very young INTJs, they're so very eager to learn that they tend to take the words of adults very literally, but in a way that makes sense to an INTJ mind, not - say - an ISFJ or ESFP mind. The latter two types would have spoken up, because the FEELING would be more important than the instruction to not talk.
I will note, however, that wanting other people to guess our feelings is more of a Te thing than an INTJ thing. Te doms (with either Si or Ni aux) have great difficulty expressing how they feel.