Can't figure out if I'm a 6 or a 4

[SilkRoad]

I’ve just started exploring the enneagram and from some tests I’ve done, and the descriptions, it seems most likely that I’m either a 6 or a 4. Anyone want to have a shot at helping me figure it out? I know that 4 is much more common for INFJ, but 6 is at least a possibility.

6 is supposed to be full of doubt and seeking security. I certainly relate to those, much more than 4’s supposed glorification of “otherness”. I would say that I do tend to feel different from other people – but less so than when I was younger – and these days, it’s not something I want to focus on; I would prefer to have empathetic relationships with others and find at least a few people I can fit in with.

On the other hand, I do relate to the 4’s quest for intense emotional experiences and the desire for authenticity.

I am kind of leaning toward 6, because unlike many INFJ’s, I think my N is relatively weak and I am strongest on F and J! Besides INFJ, which I have concluded is definitely my type, I probably feel a bit closer to ISFJ than any other type. That would kind of seem to fit with being a type 6.

Anyone want to help me out? I haven’t provided a lot of info here, but maybe you can ask me some useful questions… As for the wings, I’m not sure I even want to go there yet! But I sort of figured if I’m either 6 or 4, I’m either 6w5 or 4w5. I don’t really see myself being 6w7 or 4w3.

Thanks!

 

[SilkRoad]

Actually, reading descriptions of 6w5 and 6w7, I really relate to aspects of both...some descriptions more than others...so if I were a 6, maybe I'd be fairly balanced between the wings...?

 

[Wonkavision]

On the other hand, I do relate to the 4’s quest for intense emotional experiences and the desire for authenticity.

This is common to NFs in general.


If the overall description of 6 sounds more like you than the overall description of 4, then you are more likely a 6 than a 4.

It's really that simple.

 

[speculative]

6 is supposed to be full of doubt and seeking security. I certainly relate to those, much more than 4’s supposed glorification of “otherness”. I would say that I do tend to feel different from other people – but less so than when I was younger – and these days, it’s not something I want to focus on; I would prefer to have empathetic relationships with others and find at least a few people I can fit in with.

On the other hand, I do relate to the 4’s quest for intense emotional experiences and the desire for authenticity.

A few items complicate things beyond the basic description of each type.

First, is the instinctual variants, which some Enneagram authors argue is more important than the types themselves. To help identify your type, you could identify your instinctual variant and then read the descriptions for the variants of types 4 and 6. This should give you a pretty good idea. For example, this page discusses the variants: Enneagram Test, Instinctual Subtypes, Enneagram Subtypes | Enneagram Worldwide

Second, the levels of health add a level of depth to the types: Enneagram Levels of Development: Presentation at IEA Conference '04

 

[BlackCat]

6 vs 4: Fours are naturally elitist and sixes aren't. Sixes don't romanticize being different like fours do.

4 vs 6: Fours are comfortable with their elitism as they just know they have insight and creativity others lack. Sixes don't like it when people place themselves above others due to it being unfair.

http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/enneagram/24960-type-four.html
http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/enneagram/24962-type-six.html

 

[Bubbles]

You sound more like a 6, from your description. Go with your instincts.

Do you have a greater desire for reliability, or being unique? Read up on some profiles, the ones BlackCat listed are a good start.

 

[Space_Oddity]

6 vs 4: Fours are naturally elitist and sixes aren't. Sixes don't romanticize being different like fours do.

4 vs 6: Fours are comfortable with their elitism as they just know they have insight and creativity others lack. Sixes don't like it when people place themselves above others due to it being unfair.

This sounds strange to me... I've finally concluded I'm a 4w5, but I don't think I'm "naturally elitist" at all (whatever it means), I don't "romanticize" being different (I don't mind being different, but I would rather fit in, and I like people who are different only when they're not ego-centric and I can relate to them), and I indeed don't like it when people place themselves above others due to it being unfair. However, I think I am basically a 4 - it's just that my life experiences shaped me a little differently.

I would say that I do tend to feel different from other people – but less so than when I was younger – and these days, it’s not something I want to focus on; I would prefer to have empathetic relationships with others and find at least a few people I can fit in with.

I can relate to this completely. I'm not so much into security but I'm sx/sp which could explain it. Maybe you're sp primary? Don't get me wrong, it's perfectly possible you really are a 6, but I think the counter-arguments others offered aren't too convincing.

 

[Thalassa]

You sound more like a 6, from your description. Go with your instincts.

Do you have a greater desire for reliability, or being unique? Read up on some profiles, the ones BlackCat listed are a good start.

Yeah I'm thinking six too.

 

[Thalassa]

This sounds strange to me... I've finally concluded I'm a 4w5, but I don't think I'm "naturally elitist" at all (whatever it means), I don't "romanticize" being different (I don't mind being different, but I would rather fit in, and I like people who are different only when they're not ego-centric and I can relate to them), and I indeed don't like it when people place themselves above others due to it being unfair. However, I think I am basically a 4 - it's just that my life experiences shaped me a little differently.

There's always a touch of romanticism to a four, and elitism doesn't necessarily mean you openly think you're better than others or that people shouldn't have equal resources or something like that. 4 elitism is very real, though, and it sometimes just indicates elitism in terms of artistic preferences or intellectuallism or other things rather than having some attitude like you deserve to have more or better things than others - though I wouldn't rule that out as a possibility with some 4s.

I'm a 4w3, btw.

 

[Space_Oddity]

There's always a touch of romanticism to a four, and elitism doesn't necessarily mean you openly think you're better than others or that people shouldn't have equal resources or something like that. 4 elitism is very real, though, and it sometimes just indicates elitism in terms of artistic preferences or intellectuallism or other things rather than having some attitude like you deserve to have more or better things than others - though I wouldn't rule that out as a possibility with some 4s.

Ok, I can relate to this Perhaps I am kind of "snobbish" in this sense of the word, that's true.

 

[SilkRoad]

6 vs 4: Fours are naturally elitist and sixes aren't. Sixes don't romanticize being different like fours do.

4 vs 6: Fours are comfortable with their elitism as they just know they have insight and creativity others lack. Sixes don't like it when people place themselves above others due to it being unfair.

http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/enneagram/24960-type-four.html
http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/enneagram/24962-type-six.html

Thanks all. I'm going to look into this more, but on the basis of the above, and what I've found out so far, I'm definitely leaning toward 6. I have moments of elitism (mainly about literary preferences - I'm not elitist at all when it comes to music, though, for instance) but it's not something I emphasize or romanticize.

I realized though after reading descriptions of 6 just how much of a role questioning, self-doubt etc is playing in my life...There is no doubt that I second-guess everything, that I have a difficult time making decisions because I always wonder if it's the right decision, and that there are constant little voices in my head analyzing and re-analzying everything! It would explain why even when I've gone over a situation from every angle, and even discussed it with friends, it's so hard for me to consider a matter done and dusted. It can take years particularly if there is an element of unfinished business about it.

If I am a type 6 INFJ, no wonder I feel so exhausted and overwhelmed so much of the time. Constant questions, doubts, analysis, triggering one strong emotion after another, often in a never-ending loop...ouch.

This does give me good ideas for what I need to work on and how to do it, though.

EDIT: You know, though it's a bit surprising to me, I think I might just be 6w7 rather than 6w5. I am more inclined to look for optimism though I have a hard time finding it, and I have often trusted people too easily. My mum, who is probably INTJ, I think would be either 5w6 or 6w5. Maybe 6w5. She worries a lot, and she's more likely than me to find security in her intellect...

Still need to research all this more, though

 

[SilkRoad]

Now I am sure I'm not a 4 (though my INFJ best friend is a textbook 4!) but I'd say it's down to 6 or 9. I was pretty sure I was 6 and now I am wondering about 9. So I need to look into it more. Will keep you posted

 

[lunalove]

I am 6w5. I definitely want to be special/unique! I thought I was a 4 for a long time...I went back to my childhood and then through my life and saw that while I am creative, super emotional (I would DIE without emotion), and I have many 4 aspects to my personality (possibly 4 is part of my trio...haven't delved into that yet), my underlying theme is self-doubt and insecurity!

Do you anticipate danger/fear? Do you plan for the worst case scenario? In your mind's eye, are you pessimistic or optimistic (trying to be optimistic is not the same as your gut reaction to events/situations)?

Do you find that without some way to actualize yourself, you will just die? (Keep in mind, 6's can be just as emotional or creative as 4's. It is the motivation that counts.)

Are you extroverted or introverted? I tested as an introvert over and over again....but I do feel energized when I help others (especially the underdog). I thought maybe I was 2! I am very introverted, I have my 5w to thank for that, but I still have some extroverted qualities for me. This is common for 6's....a little of this and a little of that!

I would definitely think back on your childhood. I would also recommend keeping in mind each types obsession rather than all the details (the details make it confusing! If you can stick to the general focus/obsession, it makes it easier to see yourself, at least it did for me!)

Good luck and keep us posted

luna~

 

[Arclight]

To me what helped me differentiate between a 6 and 4 (which I have typed as both) is the need to connect and engage people. a four can become very insecure in themselves with this prospect as it threatens their sense of self .. A 6 will become secure in this prospect and feels it will complete the self.

 

[lunalove]

No Exit, that was very useful info! It just re-confirms my 6ishness...even though I know I'm a 6, I will still doubt it Thanks...

luna~

 

[Arclight]

No Exit, that was very useful info! It just re-confirms my 6ishness...even though I know I'm a 6, I will still doubt it Thanks...

luna~

You are welcome.. However as a caution.. If the 6 connects and the relationship is not secure.. he/she will then display very 4 like behavior in that the need for security will look very much like the need to protect the self.
If a 6 begins to feel like they are being manipulated or changed.. They will stick up for themselves and become very protective of their identity.. like you said. its the motivation that counts.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

Let's just compromise and say you're a 5.

 

[lunalove]

No Exit, what is the difference between protecting your identity and being insecure? Aren't they similar? Sorry to be so dense...maybe my mind is fuzzy today? Thanks for the info...

luna~

 

[Arclight]

No Exit, what is the difference between protecting your identity and being insecure? Aren't they similar? Sorry to be so dense...maybe my mind is fuzzy today? Thanks for the info...

luna~

Sorry.. The 6 is afraid of being made a fool of.. By believing in something and then feeling tricked.. The 4 fears an actual loss of their identity .. So again it looks very similar.. .. Both feel very exposed in love.. it's what is at stake for each that is different. which is the type of security that each sees a threat to.

 

[Spamtar]

I too have a hard time with discovering whether my wing is a 4 or a 6. Too much cross over of the descriptions and my personality.

After further study I simply choose not to embrace enneagrams as they do not apply as well to me as does MBTI. At least in my case even Astrology is more helpfull than enneagrams. In other words, I don't give much weight to enneagrams.