[Fi] Can you ever let your guard down?

[Earl Grey]

It's less that I 'never let my guard down', and I would say I'm not the most vigilant person. Rather I think I spot 'danger' when I do see it, without having to anticipate it. So you could say I'm guarded, but not in the 'high-alert' way (some say I seem upbeat, sincere, and sometimes, almost naïve-seeming). I have no issues erecting or establishing boundaries right on the spot.

As for 'being yourself'... I'm not quite sure. I'm rather 'nomadic', so if I get rejected, I just move someplace else. Otherwise, for the most part, there isn't really much reason for me to be on guard, I feel. I think when I show 'negative traits' it's more of a 'deal with it' stance, I am confident I will be and can be fair. If the person can't take it then that's just the garbage taking itself out, and I do enjoy that lovely little part of socializing. I love it because I'll know that for the most part, the ones who do stay are respectful people who find some kind of positivity in my presence.

 

[Coriolis]

I don't think I ever let my guard down completely. I don't know if I could. As for being myself, I find it almost impossible to be other than myself, but I am highly selective about what parts of that self I show to or share with others. So, the picture people get will be accurate, but incomplete.

 

[Maou]

I pretty much never let my guard down. There are only 2 people that I've been truly open with.

I do reveal a lot about myself and my thought processes, to the point where other people probably think my guard is down. But I'm pretty sure it's just a part of my guard.

This is how I am too. I just can't bring myself to be unguarded and I work around it in such a way that it does appear like I am unguarded. I don't think I can ever actualise being myself and also being able to socialize. I have a lot of filters because I want people in my life.

 

[Earl Grey]

This is how I am too. I just can't bring myself to be unguarded and I work around it in such a way that it does appear like I am unguarded. I don't think I can ever actualise being myself and also being able to socialize. I have a lot of filters because I want people in my life.

[sweats gently] it seems sensible to have your guard up, but at the same time I wonder what on earth it actually means.

 

[Maou]

[sweats gently] it seems sensible to have your guard up, but at the same time I wonder what on earth it actually means.

I don't even know myself, because I've never done it. What exactly does it mean? I hold a lot back. I expect to be abandoned or rejected, and take on a passive aggressive stance towards anything that even hints at it. When people defy this expectation, I can sometimes overwhelm them just being myself and we grow distant because they can't take it. But that mistrust and apprehension remains no matter what.

 

[Earl Grey]

I don't even know myself, because I've never done it. What exactly does it mean? I hold a lot back. I expect to be abandoned or rejected, and take on a passive aggressive stance towards anything that even hints at it. When people defy this expectation, I can sometimes overwhelm them just being myself and we grow distant because they can't take it. But that mistrust and apprehension remains no matter what.

I think there might be some confusion between being reserved and being on-guard, here. Holding back is hardly being on-guard, being on-guard sounds anticipatory to defend against something. Like having mistrust and apprehension, for whatever reason it is the individual does.

(I am surprised, by the way, I have never seen you overwhelming. Almost as if you are shyly hanging on the bleachers wondering if you can join the game)

 

[Maou]

I think there might be some confusion between being reserved and being on-guard, here. Holding back is hardly being on-guard, being on-guard sounds anticipatory to defend against something. Like having mistrust and apprehension, for whatever reason it is the individual does.

(I am surprised, by the way, I have never seen you overwhelming. Almost as if you are shyly hanging on the bleachers wondering if you can join the game)

With our group, I am in a position I have not gotten to before so your analogy is probably correct lol. But, there are levels of humor and discussion I feel that are unacceptable in our group and I can respect that for purely making it more pleasant. There are different sides I show to different groups of people. I have never been able to show all of my sides in one spot. Partly due to being guarded against rejection and mistrustful of people in general.

 

[Earl Grey]

With our group, I am in a position I have not gotten to before so your analogy is probably correct lol. But, there are levels of humor and discussion I feel that are unacceptable in our group and I can respect that for purely making it more pleasant. There are different sides I show to different groups of people. I have never been able to show all of my sides in one spot. Partly due to being guarded against rejection and mistrustful of people in general.

If anyone bothers you, tell me.

But what you say, gives me a better distinction between simple reservedness and guardedness. It's a little embarrassing, but I'm not too guarded.
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[Coriolis]

I think there might be some confusion between being reserved and being on-guard, here. Holding back is hardly being on-guard, being on-guard sounds anticipatory to defend against something. Like having mistrust and apprehension, for whatever reason it is the individual does.

They are related but not the same. To me, being guarded is a combination of holding my cards close to the chest (i.e. being selective in what I share) but also always being watchful and wary, expecting and being prepared for the worst, while hoping for the best. So there is definitely a sense of vigilance about it, being slow to trust.

 

[Population: 1]

I’m more open than most (at least I am here) but I’m certainly not divulging everything. I appreciate authenticity though so to some extent I must let my guard down.

The person that knows me best is someone that navigated my defenses with simple directness. She really didn’t have to employ anything but bluntness and sincerity and that amazed me because I’m always stopping others from proceeding too far. I uncharacteristically didn’t feel the urge to repel her attempt at finding my center. She breached everything without an ounce of force being applied. If that woman isn’t made for me, I don’t know who is.

So yes, I have discovered one instance where I have let my guard down completely. It’s been both immensely satisfying and terrifying at the same time.

 

[Zhaylin]

I am too open but guarded lol. I'm forever reading people. I don't know how to turn it off. Likewise, I'm a sponge for the emotions of others (friggin thanks, a lot, HSP ). I would LOVE to turn that off. Or, at least, dial it back a great deal.
I'm an open book. I will tell strangers intimate details if I think it could help them in some way (though I never initiate that, lol).

I have found it's best not to have skeletons hiding in the closet. Sure, it might repel some people, but I'm not about pretenses or cover-ups.

The guarded part in all of this is that I take my cues from others. Are they moving from foot to foot? Do they glance at the watch? Are they looking for nearest exit When I've had friends, it's my tendency to over-share. That makes other people uncomfortable, so I've learned to dial it back. Speaking with my hands, likewise, tends to make people uncomfortable (or humored lol). I usually only notice I'm doing it when I notice they've noticed Then I tone it down.

I'd rather not deal with people at all. All of the sadness, the anger, the discomfort, it all gets sucked into me and then I shut down from the chaos. I feel like just laying on whatever ground or floor I'm on and going to sleep- my energy is THAT depleted. I can go from 100 to zero in under 5 minutes.
If I KNOW I have to be social for an extended period of time, or in some other overwhelming situation, I skip sleep and embrace my shadow self. I really love that girl, but it's not sustainable, and requires a lengthy recovery

So yeah... open but guarded. (I, also, tend to adopt the attitude of "hope for the best but plan for the worst"; and during extended times of peace I feel like I'm waiting for "the other shoe to drop".)

 

[PumpkinMayCare]

Yes and no. It mostly depends on how well I know someone and how much I trust them whether I let my guard down or not.

 

[Mole]

Authoritarians in an authoritarian institution have no need to keep their guard up - they feel safe and protected and know how to behave. But challenge their authoritarian values, and their guard comes up, and they aggressively attack the challenger.

 

[Mole]

Thank heavens it is all about me. What could I talk about if it wasn't all about me?

 

[Yuurei]

I think there might be some confusion between being reserved and being on-guard, here. Holding back is hardly being on-guard, being on-guard sounds anticipatory to defend against something. Like having mistrust and apprehension, for whatever reason it is the individual does.
)

This. I am 'reserved" ( I do not outwardly express my feelings or emotions) but ASK how I am feeling/what I am thinking and I will tell you. I will tell you everything.

This leads to frequent misunderstandings: I have a reputation for being sarcastic when I am rarely am.
For ex, being asked "Aren't you excited?!" and I will tell you, stone-faced, and in a perfectly flat tone "Yes, I am excited." and for strange reason people think I am just telling them what they want to hear. I assure you that on the inside I am practically losing my shit with excitement.

In truth my guard is almost never "up". If I may wax super-nerdy for a moment, not all tanks wear armor. Some get bonuses for wearing practically nothing. Instead of reducing damage, they know that they can take it-in the face-and shrug it off.

I prefer this way. I can be ready for anything. Imagine just assuming your armor is strong enough to take anything and one day, it fails you. You've been hit in the face by a cannonball and you have no idea how to deal with it. I'd rather not be caught in such a situation.

 

[Maou]

This. I am 'reserved" ( I do not outwardly express my feelings or emotions) but ASK how I am feeling/what I am thinking and I will tell you.

This leads to frequent misunderstandings: I have a reputation for being sarcastic when I am rarely am.
For ex, being asked "Aren't you excited?!" and I will tell you, stone-faced, and in a perfectly flat tone "Yes, I am excited." and for strange reason people think I am just telling them what they want to hear. I assure you that on the inside I am practically losing my shit with excitement.

In truth my guard is almost never "up". If I may wax super-nerdy for a moment, not all tanks wear armor. Some get bonuses for wearing practically nothing. Instead of reducing damage, they know that they can take it-in the face-and shrug it off.

In real life, I can definitely relate to the "stone face" excitement. I get really annoyed when certain people say I don't find anything funny, or enjoy anything because I do not outwardly express it.

 

[Earl Grey]

This. I am 'reserved" ( I do not outwardly express my feelings or emotions) but ASK how I am feeling/what I am thinking and I will tell you.

This leads to frequent misunderstandings: I have a reputation for being sarcastic when I am rarely am.
For ex, being asked "Aren't you excited?!" and I will tell you, stone-faced, and in a perfectly flat tone "Yes, I am excited." and for strange reason people think I am just telling them what they want to hear. I assure you that on the inside I am practically losing my shit with excitement.

In truth my guard is almost never "up". If I may wax super-nerdy for a moment, not all tanks wear armor. Some get bonuses for wearing practically nothing. Instead of reducing damage, they know that they can take it-in the face-and shrug it off.

I prefer this way. I can be ready for anything. Imagine just assuming your armor is strong enough to take anything and one day, it fails you. You've been hit in the face by a cannonball and you have no idea how to deal with it. I'd rather not be caught in such a situation.

I grew up with people expecting me to show emotions on my face, but for the most part I let people get used to it.
Wait. In retrospect I guess now I understand a bit why some tell me I'm hard to read. I usually am too irritated to listen to others and if they make their own misconceptions of what I'm thinking/feeling and stick to them, I wouldn't want to hang around them either. I wouldn't compare mine to 'armor' though.

 

[Yuurei]

I grew up with people expecting me to show emotions on my face, but for the most part I let people get used to it.
Wait. In retrospect I guess now I understand a bit why some tell me I'm hard to read. I usually am too irritated to listen to others and if they make their own misconceptions of what I'm thinking/feeling and stick to them, I wouldn't want to hang around them either. I wouldn't compare mine to 'armor' though.

I've just never been an emotional person. Even as a little girl I just never saw the point, it didn't solve my problems so why?
My family was always on case to express myself but I learned quickly this was only if it was what they wanted me to express. Anything else was unacceptable.
I got sick of being judged for having the "wrong feelings" so I stopped expressing anything at all - seriously parents, what the fuck did you expect? -read a damned book.


Why waste time on people who insist on sticking to their misconceptions? People so frequently misjudge me and then say things like" It's gonna take A LOT to win me back!" Like I have some obligation to do so.
Nope. A relationship with someone who judges me like that is not something I want. If anything, I'm glad they've shown their true colors so I can write we them off and move on.

 

[Zhaylin]

The only emotions I'm okay about expressing is happiness, contentment, concern and interest (I can't help it. If someone is telling me something, I tend to cock my head to the side. If they need me to remember something, I have to close my eyes )

Around my kids, I can express irritation and frustration, but that's about it (plus the others above). When I've actually had enough and get angry, they hustle to take care of chores they've neglected. My kids have seen me cry, MAYBE 5 times their whole lives (the eldest is 26, then 24, 23, 22- though the baby actually moved out, lol, and the wife of my other daughter moved in- she's 27)

All that said, I don't laugh around many people. When I was a pre-teen, someone told me I laugh like a billy goat, so I stopped laughing at all rofl
Now that I'm finally getting over it and laughing out loud more, I tend to snort. What the heck
I FEEL like this

I smile, perhaps half-heartedly chortle or Ha!, but that's it. I'm too self-conscious (which, I guess could be called guarded because I'm afraid of being picked on. Seriously, Brain. I'm 44 years old and you're worried about how you laugh? Build a bridge already!)

 

[Yuurei]

The only emotions I'm okay about expressing is happiness, contentment, concern and interest (I can't help it. If someone is telling me something, I tend to cock my head to the side. If they need me to remember something, I have to close my eyes )

Around my kids, I can express irritation and frustration, but that's about it (plus the others above). When I've actually had enough and get angry, they hustle to take care of chores they've neglected. My kids have seen me cry, MAYBE 5 times their whole lives (the eldest is 26, then 24, 23, 22- though the baby actually moved out, lol, and the wife of my other daughter moved in- she's 27)

All that said, I don't laugh around many people. When I was a pre-teen, someone told me I laugh like a billy goat, so I stopped laughing at all rofl
Now that I'm finally getting over it and laughing out loud more, I tend to snort. What the heck
I FEEL like this

I smile, perhaps half-heartedly chortle or Ha!, but that's it. I'm too self-conscious (which, I guess could be called guarded because I'm afraid of being picked on. Seriously, Brain. I'm 44 years old and you're worried about how you laugh? Build a bridge already!)

I don't laugh much. If I find something amusing I will smile but that's about it.I have one friend who laughs uproariously at every.Stupid. Thing. It disgust me. TBH I don't know why. I guess it makes him look like a fool.

In elementary school the local Indian tribe would sen members to tell us stories and to this day I remember one and only one ( To paraphrase): when the wolf first saw deer, they thought that they looked delicious but were unsure of what sort of warriors they were-if at all.
To find out wolf invited deer to a party. They drank and they sang and they danced but deer never laughed out loud. The wolf encouraged them " What is a party without true laughter!? Laugh harder friend! Laugh and show us your teeth!"
And so deer laughed, showing their flat, herbivore teeth. Seeing that they had no teeth with which to fight wolf immediately attacked and devoured everyone of them. This is why deer are wolves favorite prey.

It isn't as thought this story changed my life or is the reason I do not show emotion this but I think it is a perfect metaphor.