Bullying

[Synarch]

This is very similar to my situation...I decided to hit the wieghts when I was about 16 or so...I grew fast at the time and the biggest reaction that I remember was not so much that the bullying abruptly stopped, but that people who never would have noticed me before and others who deliberately ignored me suddenly courted me as a friend...invited me to parties and wanted to share confidences and resources...WTF? I was the same person I was before, just much stronger. I began to resent this shallow treatment and kept my habit of isolation or building solid relationships one at a time...One good friend is worth a hundred acquaintences.

Do you think it's possible this had more to do with a change in your attitude? In other words, maybe they were responding to a new confidence encouraged by your brand new physicality rather than the physicality itself? I noticed in high school that when I started growing and became less of a sad sack that people seemed to be around again. I think there is this tendency to avoid people with "bad luck".

Also, the rest of your post was well said. Several things worth thinking about.

 

[Hirsch63]

...In other words, maybe they were responding to a new confidence encouraged by your brand new physicality rather than the physicality itself? I noticed in high school that when I started growing and became less of a sad sack that people seemed to be around again. I think there is this tendency to avoid people with "bad luck".

Thanks. Well, I was certainly not what could be described as "popular"...I was born with a slightly inconvenient birth defect that made my participation in conventional activities of youth difficult and I had always been heavier than my school mates. Fat+Crip = avoidance. I had some popularity as an artist in my school days but that was the extent of my personal glory.
I took up the wieghts when I noticed that I seemed physically weak compared to everyone else in my class. While I couldn't run and jump well, I knew I could handle the lifting at a pace I could deal with and tolerate.

After I "grew out" a bit some of the people that were now paying attention to
me were the very same ones who had actively tormented me earlier growing up. I was still me. And there was no reason to believe that they weren't still them...I could clearly see that they still treated others, who were no different than I was with the same disdain or indifference...Oh well, they were just kids and that is how kids behave. How could they know better? I watched others around me who were also marginalized for one reason or another...I saw over the years how my new "friends" treated them. I was not perfect. I also made the shameful mistake of marginalizing some of my calssmates...feeling powerless and needing some validation of my "superiority" Ironic. And I could not forgive myself for this so I wasn't about to cut anybody else (especially those with advantages) some slack.

Did my confidence level change? Sure. Did I carry myself differently? Yes I did. My body was different. I became a threat. I became useful to others as a source of protection. But the things that were me that mattered were not why my class mates were interested in being my new found friends. I stuck with the friends who had always been there when I was less "acceptable".

 

[TheJimbo]

I deterred bullies by accumulating over 9000 friends and making myself out to be dangerous/insane (sharped my pencils with knives openly during class, etc)

In reality I'm pretty harmless until seriously crossed, then I passive-aggressively plot vengeance.

 

[heart]

Bully-cide? - 'The Early Show' Video | Morning Rush

Parents sue Ohio school over bullied son's suicide

 

[Fluffywolf]

Does bullying bullies count.

 

[sunset5678]

I was friends once with a girl that competed with everybody and ran her
mouth to get stuff started to get everyone else blamed for dumb stuff
she got herself into and tricked others into taking on her responsibilities.
I realized I was completely dumb to this but when she visibly started cutt-
ing people down to size and dissing everyone but getting posessive with
them and being a cling on when none of the cliques she'd started hanging
out with were available and tried to get her 'friends' to take their places
because she was addicted to the things they talked about and stuff they
went around doing I felt like slowly clapping and saying "Bravo performance."
How I handled it? I just told her exactly what I thought of her attitude
and never spoke to her again when she used that tired old complete oppo-
sites excuse.

 

[Kangirl]

Bullying makes me puke. And I say this as someone who tries to be honest enough (with myself) that I recognize that, sometimes, I have the propensity to bully. I have bullied. I try to see/recognize the feelings that lead to it and nip it before it starts, but everyone now and then I meet someone who comes off as extremely weak/absurd, and I'll go after them.

That said, I've *never* been involved in systematic bullying, especially the vicious kind one often sees in grade school. And I continue to be amazed that so little is done about bullying of/by children. Stuff that would get adults charged and jailed is routinely just ignored if it occurs between children. I saw bullying when I was in school that went on for years, targeted always at the same kids, that still makes me want to cry it was so cruel. Their lives must have been pure hell. And no one did anything. Not teachers, not parents, and not uninvolved students (i.e. me).

If someone bullied my kid, I would want to torture and kill them.

 

[uberrogo]

If a kid was experiencing bullying, all I could think to do would be to to make a scene and 'bully' the principal/superintendant into pulling his head out of his ass and stopping unacceptable behaviors at his school. If that didnt work I would just tell the kid to be imaginative and walk up to the bully/ bullies and spit in thier faces in the middle of class and to make a huge scene. Being perceived as crazy/ physically violent is sometimes a good to ward of bullies.

umm... am I the only former bully here?

I turned into a bully as an adult in the army - bullying popular people. Its a fine line I walk and luckily I havent gotten my ass kicked for it yet. I feel like retiring from that though lol.

 

[sculpting]

Bullying makes me puke. And I say this as someone who tries to be honest enough (with myself) that I recognize that, sometimes, I have the propensity to bully. I have bullied. I try to see/recognize the feelings that lead to it and nip it before it starts, but everyone now and then I meet someone who comes off as extremely weak/absurd, and I'll go after them.

.

You know Kan I saw this a bit with one of old VPs. He was a very strong ENTJ, and I loved him dearly, but what I noticed is that he was really annoyed by super weak people. For our workplace this means ISFJs mostly. They drove him nuts.

Since I have had to start being more direct w folks I feel some of the same irritation. Is it the lack of directness which makes them annoying? They tend to be super feelers so getting a straight answer out of them can take awhile.

 

[uberrogo]

A little trick I picked up is that if someone is making fun of you is to say something like: "I think I used that one in 2nd grade" or "I've been told worse by better." Something to make the bully feel stupid. If you can get the bullies friends to laugh at him then you win.

For physically violent bullies I don't have much advice except to find some stronger friends. I was lucky that I had some of those in H.S.

I tend to think that bullies who make fun of me are funny and sometimes I cant help but laugh if I am getting picked on.

To the OP, I feel bad for your situation but I find this thread facinating.

 

[One Day]

Even though I've been really quiet and withdrawn throughout my entire school year I've never been excessively bullied, though I've been ignored for the most part. I think I just got incredibly lucky that I didn't run into a complete asshole all those years.

I really feel for those people who actually do get bullied regularly. I honestly wouldn't know what to do in such a situation (besides simply fighting back which not everyone can do).

 

[substitute]

I also started withdrawing more into myself and even at a young age at about twelve or thirteen I saw it as a "shell" or "shield", and imagined it around me, strengthening each time I took what I considered to be a "blow" (even though I've never been physically bullied, it's always been verbal because all the bullies I've ever encountered were wimps... =P) and it would get tougher and tougher with each one.

.... I am now very tough towards bullying, and put on my perfect "shield" which unfortunately makes me unsociable and cold towards any stranger because I don't trust them any more.

It's interesting that you put it that way. I used to know an INFJ who said similar things, took similar approaches... only trouble was, she wasn't as adept at assessing what was a "blow" and what wasn't as she thought she was - she was a touch paranoid and would often get upset or hurt by things that were really quite harmless, and if there was a bad way to take something, you could guarantee she would.

She came to see herself as persecuted and turtle up completely and push others away whom she considered to be "attacking" her, when in fact, she was isolating herself from genuine support and only worsening her situation, whilst also making an image of herself as a person who was a) snooty (wouldn't give time of day or respect to people she considered low- lifes because she'd erroneously decided that they were in the anti-her gang) and b) too easily offended/stuffy (she believed she was inscrutible and nobody could tell she was hurt when she was in her shell, but the fact was that we could all see when she retreated into it and knew what it meant - something had hit the knuckle), which effectively painted a target on her head that the real bullies couldn't resist.

All in all, I don't think it was a particularly effective way of dealing with it, though of course she did... because she was "right", of course...

Anyway, as regards my daughter - I took her out of school and started homeschooling her a few months ago, and it's going very well

 

[swordpath]

I never understood bullying... It's completely immature and inane. The rationalization behind it, that it's the bully's way of distracting him/herself from their own flaws and insecurities makes the most sense to me though. I was pretty small growing up, but I would have loved to have been the big guy that could step in and smash down bullies on the behalf of those that are unable to defend themselves.

 

[Wade Wilson]

I was bullied (among other things) growing up and then in eight grade, when the opportunity to turn the tables arose, became a bully from then until the end of HS. Not a topic I go into detail on but if I ever have a kid that starts bullying people I'm glad I can sit 'em down and explain why they shouldn't do it from personal experience and try to get to the source of it.

As far as the mindset of being a bully in my experience it wasn't anything too out of the ordinary; just lashing out at my home life from about the age of seven on.

 

[mortabunt]

I experiences severe bullying for a whole month at a summer camp. [edited] *slaps self in face.* Damnit, don't give yourself away!

 

[mortabunt]

If you are bullied, you should have the legal right to torture the bully to death on the sport. Release your inner hatred. Feel the blood on your face.

 

[professor goodstain]

If you are bullied, you should have the legal right to torture the bully to death on the sport. Release your inner hatred. Feel the blood on your face.

Why waste all that energy when they have already destroyed themselves with but their first action of bullying It's best to let them carry on farther with which to destroy themselves even more.

 

[So Long So Long]

Should I really spend the time telling my bullying story? Hmm... I guess I shall.

I was hated by my classmates from the start. Kindergarten was one of my better years, but I still got called named, didn't make any friends, etc. At this point in time it wasn't really direct bullying; it was more that I was ignored by all of my classmates and I was pretty much completely alone. I did everything by myself and whenever I tried to make friends I failed horribly at it. I guess I was just different or something and they didn't like that about me? -shrugs-

I should say that I was a tomboy - As in I wore boy clothes and I liked boy things instead of girl things. I remember the girl sometimes laughed at me and the boys didn't get it.

Anyways, first grade I was alone yet again. One girl in particular, Catherine made sure to ruin my day in every single way that she could; she hated me and made sure I was aware of it. In the second grade I made one friend and his name was A.J. I had some good recesses with him, but I never really hung out with him outside of school and he was my only friend. I remember that I was placed in a group/table with Ashley and some guy named Zack who didn't let me do anything in group projects and pushed me around and called me names, etc. I tried to bring it up at one time to the teacher, but nothing happened and I ended up crying on the way home from school that day. That year A.J. had to move and I never saw or heard from him again.

Third Grade was the worst so far. My teacher didn't even like me! And I was afraid of her to begin with. More bullying from people that I'd never even done anything to before and more crying on my part. I had one friend and his name was Wayne. But he was in another class so I only saw him at recess.
Fourth Grade was a pretty good year, but I was still very much alone.

I should mention that another reason why people possibly thought I was stupid/dumb/weird/annoying/etc. was because I had ADHD and an LD so I was required to go to Resource and a lot of kids didn't get that, I guess.

Fifth grade was the second worst year of my life. I succeeded pretty well in school work, but there was this whole big gang of people that hated me. On a daily basis they would tell me that I was worth nothing. That I sucked. They would laugh when I had to go to bathroom. They'd poke and prod me at any time during the day. They nicknamed me such ridiculous stuff. There was a girl in particular that was my partner during a project and she would push and shove me and fight with me on a daily basis and just make me want to curl up into a little ball and hide underneath a rock. I eventually told my teacher, but that did little to stop it. In fact it made it worse. Wayne dumped me as a friend because I apparently 'betrayed' him somehow. I gained one friend named Lydia, but she went to a different middle school than I, so I was at a lost.

Sixth Grade was blah.... That Summer before Seventh Grade I had a breakdown in front of my parents, though. I just remember crying and whimpering why nobody liked me, what was so wrong with me, etc.

The Seventh Grade was the worst year of my life and remains as such today. I had a group of 'friends' or so they were called. But they were no friends of mine. Here are the course of events:

They watched me as I ate. They made fun of what I ate. At one point while I was eating this one guy shoved a bunch of food in his mouth and kept running back and forth from the bathroom as thought to tell me that me eating literally made him 'throw up'. I remember the teacher sitting in front of us and asking what Trent was doing and laughing - laughing about it.

Another guy pretended to like me and pretended to date me and then when I called who I thought was his ex-girlfriend... things didn't add up. The next day they both laughed at my face and asked how I could be so stupid and think that anybody would like me.

I showed them a picture of me when I was little and their only response was, "Wow, you used to be skinny? What happened?" Ahahaha. A good self esteem booster.

I tried to sit somewhere different, but after a couple of days before I could sit down I was confronted by one of the girls and told that I wasn't allowed to sit there anymore. Apparently I was too annoying and needy.

I went back to sit over there. I was called a bitch continually and a bunch of other things that I'd rather not mention. I tried to notify the school, but they didn't do fucking shit. They placed me at another table for five minutes and then I had to move.

I stopped doing school work soon after that and just stopped caring. I plunged deeper into depression and one night I broke down and started crying yet again. I told my parent's everything and nothing really changed. Nothing at all.

Also, while all of this was going on I had a Tutorial teacher that made my life a living hell. All she ever did was sit on her ass and give off orders. She told me that she hated me and every day I had to suppress the urge to cry and/or yell at her. I remember a lot of times where I would sneak/beg to go to the bathroom and just cry in the stall and get so mad. There was a lot of other stuff that I won't talk about going on as well. She added more stress to my already stressful life.

My final breakdown was one day after an IEP meeting. I left feeling like shit and was supposed to go back to my Science class, but instead I just slid down a pair of lockers. About a minute later a line of kids in my grade level came by and I saw all of them laughing and talking and having fun with their friends and I remember talking to Preston and he said something mean to me or something. Anyways, after they left and filed into the classroom I began crying uncontrollably. I slid of to the side of a door and my year before tutorial teacher was the one that found me. I don't remember much of that conversation, but it doesn't really matter. I was just thinking about why people had to be mean, why I couldn't have friends and laugh, etc. I ended up making a fool of myself in front of everybody and begging my parent's to take me home. The next day I was made fun of for showing my emotions. It was an awful year. I went back into therapy after that and it didn't really help much at all.

Eight Grade was a little better. I started off with more friends than I'd ever had, but I soon realized they weren't really my friends. They were other peoples friends and I was there to look pretty. I also had another group of friends that started out liking me, but then turned their back on me. Ugh, school was evil again and I failed my grade yet again.

Ninth grade, which was this year was another bad year. I was made fun of yet again and blahblahblahblah. People jumped away from me if I got within ten feet of them and scream. As if I got within a certain range I would give them grossitis or some shit. I just gave up on school and failed two classes. I went into Online school and just avoided social interaction at all causes.

I truly believe that because of all my bullying in the past that I always suspect someone hates me right off the back. I don't think I'm worth much and just everything... I don't trust anybody.

Anyways, I went into deeper Depression again and a few weeks ago I was actually admitted to a Behavioral Center as an outpatient. I had just gotten so bad... It was so weird. I was so timid around people. I suspected every single one of them hated me. I didn't wanna talk...

Bullying, or part of bullying has done this to me. It has messed me up, but I'm trying my best to reduce the damage. I'm entering into a Therapeutic Charter school next year and it has absolute zero tolerance for bullying and I think I will succeed here and I may just be able to graduate on time...

Anyways, that's my story. Maybe someone actually read it, but I doubt it.

 

[wildcat]

I saw the bully in a tram.
I had waited long.

I recognized him immediately. How he had changed.
In a street corner, he left the tram. I followed him.
I walked behind him. He had become old and weak.

I could not do it.

 

[laughingebony]

Anyways, that's my story. Maybe someone actually read it, but I doubt it.

I read it. I feel your pain, too. I wasn't bullied to the extent you were, but there was one group of kids who picked on me from elementary school all the way through part of high school. They weren't the stereotypical bullies in that they didn't steal my lunch money or cram me in lockers, but they always knew just the right things to say to make me feel awful about myself. It was continuous, too; I couldn't get a break. I tried about everything to get them to stop, barring physical violence. I tried ignoring them, reasoning with them, bribing them, talking to teachers, having my mom talk to their parents (that only made it worse), and making fun of them, instead, but none of it worked. Then, around tenth grade, they started to grow up, and everything was fine. By my senior year, I had a wonderful group of friends and was on good or neutral terms with everybody. Hopefully it will work out the same for you. Most bullies do grow out of bullying eventually.