Yeah, I relate.
Its frustrating because sometimes when I KNOW Im not depressed depressed... it can still be hard to completely control my impulses. Its like with medication Im going from like 40-60... and without it Im going from 0-100. 0 and 100 are both a ton worse than 40 or 60... but sometimes I just want to stay steady at 50.
I definitely spend more time depressed than manic/hypermanic- I have experienced I believe both of those two other states... but they tend to be sandwiched in between depressive episodes and just... sort of merge into a period I just generally consider ‘unhealthy’- a period of rapid cycling.
Its common though. From this one article...
One reason depression is more debilitating than mania is that it lasts longer; another is that it occurs more frequently: According to a 2002 study by Lewis L. Judd and colleagues at the University of California at San Diego published in the Archives of General Psychiatry, people with bipolar I experience depression three times as often as mania. For bipolar II, the ratio of time spent in depression versus mania is a whopping 40:1.
Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About BIPOLAR DEPRESSION | bpHope
Hah. Im somewhere between 1/3rd of the time manic and 1/40th as compared to time depressed but yeah- I think sometimes people dont realize how BAD the depression can be. And how knowing that it is going to happen again and again and again... how defeating it can be. Like yoir article said, its ridiculously hard to fight your way out of because by the time one happens you are already... just so tired. So wanting to just be DONE with these episodes. And if theres a chemical component there... its not surprising. Its really hard to fight your way out of one of these episodes..
But yeah. Depression is hardest for me because it comes the most often. Like I told my therapist the last hypomanic episode I had... I really enjoyed it. Its a common thing really for those to be somewhat enjoyed- this feeling of elevated mood and ‘can do attitude’ but yeah- knowing that a depressive episodes just around the corner makes it very tough for me. Though I DO think Im getting better at dealing with them- just because now I understand what they are and have better coping skills.
Mixed episodes are the worst though. That and, like I said, rapid cycling... make me want to puke and die and puke and die and its just no fun. At ALL.
I think all states of mood can be really hard to control and like- do better from. Because its just SO overpoweting. Not to minimize major depressive disorder- because thats hard too... but I guess its more like with bipolar... its not going away no maytwr what- its written INTO you- and theres no getting rid of it. And that just... can be super depressing. Still tryin g- and doing better at I WILL SAY- coming to terms with that