[MBTI General] Bloody INFPs and their capacity to turn INTJs into fuzzy hug addicts.

[OrangeAppled]

INFPs complain that we are insensitive and ruthless. They acknowledge that we don't mean to be; it's simply the way we're built.

Should I just acknowledge that INFPs are emotionally manipulative and take advantage of our total incapacity to deal with our feelings? I'll trade you. I cause the harm I do UNINTENTIONALLY out of insensitivity and cluelessness; you do what you do INTENTIONALLY out of curiosity and a desire to be helpful.

It's not intentional, because we do not mean to inspire romantic attachment or to cause harm. The intent, as you acknowledge, is merely to help and comfort. It's simply the way we are built, after all

 

[Cranky]

Ok, so here is the REAL question: are there any unbroken INFP males out there? I may have issues, but I know what they are, and I deal quite well with them. Do YOU?

INFJs may also apply for the position of lover and consumer of homemade pastries to one completely cool INTJ (after a suitable period of grieving, throwing things, and sobbing in the shower, etc--not that I did any of those things this morning before work).

Seriously...why are you INF people so broken? I get broken apparently because of that whoosit loop about F and N, but I can get out of it eventually. What breaks you? What experiences have you had that you were unable to get over, and should serve as a warning to me that people with similar personality types and experiences are more likely to be broken? (Ooo, that was a good question. I really want to know the answer to it, because I am DEFINITELY attracted to you people more than any other type, and I want to know the warning signs.)

 

[Cranky]

Oh...and another question, especially for the female INTJs out there.

I've watched all of the Sex and the City, I know the cliches, and I've seen my friends deal with breakups.

Chocolate? Retail therapy? Using and abusing hot young studs? These things actually WORK for people? I mean, I love chocolate, and I'll murder for cool shoes, but what on EARTH do they have to do with emotions? Besides, wouldn't being physically intimate with someone just mess you all up inside? All you'd be doing is pretending you're with the person you ACTUALLY want to be with, and that just can't be flattering to the other person or healthy for you.

I've never been rejected before; I don't know why people engage in those ritualistic behaviors, but if I did, I might be able to more accurately employ similar but personalized techniques. I taught myself the perfect scrambled eggs breakfast this morning

YouTube - Perfect Scrambled Eggs Breakfast

and used buttermilk (instead of the creme fraiche) and my own homemade sourdough bread with sauteed oyster mushrooms and Bartlett pear slices. (I TOLD you guys I was a good cook. How many of you nice, sensitive INF guys want a chick who can cook like that?? All may now feel free to chime in with "Mr. INFP is an IDIOT." It will make me feel better )

I'm going to learn some blues piano tonight and refresh my skills.

I'll finish that afghan I've been crocheting forever.

Do these not sound like better techniques for getting over someone than stuff that can make you fat, kill your credit cards, and leave you with an UNPLEASANT taste in your mouth??

Other INTJ ladies; what do you do?

 

[runvardh]

You might be waiting for some time on the unbroken male part of things. You may get an answer to your identifying the broken first.

 

[the state i am in]

first of all, sensitive inf males already are good cooks.

second of all, inf males deal with their feelings all the time. Fi males have a lot of emotional weight to carry around bc they keep every feeling they've had (and they're pretty fucking sensitive so they register pretty fucking loudly). Fe males feel naked/transparent and tune into the environment and others with the same precision you direct into Te. so negativity, disjunct, disappointment, and hostility hit us pretty hard (also really fucking sensitive). when this gets into us, we get deflated like when intj stops feeling capable.

we are sensitive, so we can often help/read/support others better than we can deal with our own messy lives. like how the inside of an intj car looks is what the inside of an infj heart looks like. infp is different, that is where infps are most developed and most capable of organizing the world into understandings. but their ability to do this isn't necessarily their desire to commit, share, commune, etc. openness comes from Ne, but trust takes a long time and very specific picky circumstances/resonances from the past.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Seriously...why are you INF people so broken? I get broken apparently because of that whoosit loop about F and N, but I can get out of it eventually. What breaks you? What experiences have you had that you were unable to get over, and should serve as a warning to me that people with similar personality types and experiences are more likely to be broken? (Ooo, that was a good question. I really want to know the answer to it, because I am DEFINITELY attracted to you people more than any other type, and I want to know the warning signs.)

Broken?! :steam:

INFs aren't any more broken than any other type. As a whole, we may have flaws and seem offbeat, but that doesn't make us broken. Individuals get "broken".

And I agree...name some specific "broken" qualities for the guys to respond to. Even though I'm a woman, I will say that INFPs vary greatly in maturity. We're often like fine wine

And I can't determine if this INFP guy was an idiot based on what you've said. The flaw may not be in either of you. You simply may not have been the girl for him. That's the hardest thing to accept. We always want to place blame I guess. I suppose he could have broken it off in a kinder way, but I touched on why INFPs chicken out in breakups and go the cold route.

 

[Uytuun]

and leave you with an UNPLEASANT taste in your mouth??

You need to select your hot young studs more carefully, dear.

I need to be distracted. Doesn't matter what. Generally now would be a good time to go to some cool music festival with friends.

 

[Tiltyred]

I'm INFJ and when I'm heart broken, two things happen:

I eat ice cream.

I play the guitar to accompany myself singing sad old songs.

I try not to cry because it gives me a headache after.

You sound like your solution is "keep busy." That's a good solution.

Personally, I go ahead and wallow. Eventually, I will reach a point of excess that even I can't tolerate, and I'll have to right myself.

Here's a hug.
Here's another one.

 

[Cranky]

And I can't determine if this INFP guy was an idiot based on what you've said. The flaw may not be in either of you. You simply may not have been the girl for him. That's the hardest thing to accept. We always want to place blame I guess. I suppose he could have broken it off in a kinder way, but I touched on why INFPs chicken out in breakups and go the cold route.

No, no, no. That would have been by far the EASIEST thing for me to accept. I know perfectly well that you cannot measure, fake, or artificially produce chemistry between two people, and I would have been completely fine if he'd simply said "You simply are not attractive to me." I would have been upset, but not angry at myself for failing to see that he did NOT have the strength of character that I believed he did.

Part of that comes from the fact that I am no slouch in the looks department, so his opinion of my attractiveness is no critique of my physical appearance. What makes me angry is the niggling suspicion that I was wrong about his character. Really, the romantic gestures that I was making were over the top gooeyness. I think he had a responsibility to spit out that he did not see us together, and was not attracted to me in the same way that I was to him. Instead, he ran, and I chased, and chased, and chased...until I finally threw the gauntlet down and demanded either reciprocation or the truth about how he felt...and he STILL avoided, until I called him on it; it was then that I heard about three of the coldest sentences I've ever heard, and I proceeded to shatter into little tiny pieces on the asphalt.

 

[Tiltyred]

Instead, he ran, and I chased, and chased, and chased...until I finally threw the gauntlet down and demanded either reciprocation or the truth about how he felt...and he STILL avoided, until I called him on it; it was then that I heard about three of the coldest sentences I've ever heard, and I proceeded to shatter into little tiny pieces on the asphalt.

Oh. You weren't listening.

 

[OrangeAppled]

No, no, no. That would have been by far the EASIEST thing for me to accept. I know perfectly well that you cannot measure, fake, or artificially produce chemistry between two people, and I would have been completely fine if he'd simply said "You simply are not attractive to me." I would have been upset, but not angry at myself for failing to see that he did NOT have the strength of character that I believed he did.

Part of that comes from the fact that I am no slouch in the looks department, so his opinion of my attractiveness is no critique of my physical appearance. What makes me angry is the niggling suspicion that I was wrong about his character. Really, the romantic gestures that I was making were over the top gooeyness. I think he had a responsibility to spit out that he did not see us together, and was not attracted to me in the same way that I was to him. Instead, he ran, and I chased, and chased, and chased...until I finally threw the gauntlet down and demanded either reciprocation or the truth about how he felt...and he STILL avoided, until I called him on it; it was then that I heard about three of the coldest sentences I've ever heard, and I proceeded to shatter into little tiny pieces on the asphalt.

Okay, well then he needs to grow a spine . He was too afraid of confrontation, so he let you chase him. That was wrong. Just know that in these sort of INFPs, it often comes from a misguided good place - not wanting to hurt people. There are INFPs who know it's better to be upfront then to draw it out and ending hurting someone worse in the long run.

 

[Cranky]

Oh. You weren't listening.

He was the one who started the chasing and pursuing.

 

[runvardh]

Okay, well then he needs to grow a spine . He was too afraid of confrontation, so he let you chase him. That was wrong. Just know that in these sort of INFPs, it often comes from a misguided good place - not wanting to hurt people. There are INFPs who know it's better to be upfront then to draw it out and ending hurting someone worse in the long run.

It's funny, even at 20 I knew to open my mouth and not just avoid. I may have pussied out when it came to intensity when I was younger; but at least I've always been man enough to state what's wrong in a situation when it happens.

 

[Cranky]

So, are there simply not enough INTJ women who have gotten their hearts broken...so as to provide me with useful strategies?

 

[Bamboo]

dude, i baked an INFP girl a pie too.

she's totally being a bitch to me now. or i'm assuming she is.

shitty.

moral of the story: DON'T BAKE FOR INFPs.

you'll get your head back in a few days, don't worry.

(sweet potato w/ crushed honey pecans - good stuff)

 

[poppy]

So, are there simply not enough INTJ women who have gotten their hearts broken...so as to provide me with useful strategies?

Lol.

I think you know how to deal with this as well as any of us. Learning stuff, improving your skill set...also the description of that breakfast you made is making me really hungry...oh um, anyway. It takes time to deal with. Eventually the raging anger will subside and you'll come to an understanding of where he was coming from, which will help you learn to recognize warning signs and save you a lot of flour and butter. Think of it as an opportunity to learn about the human psyche hands on.

 

[BlackCat]

Lol.

I think you know how to deal with this as well as any of us. Learning stuff, improving your skill set...also the description of that breakfast you made is making me really hungry...oh um, anyway. It takes time to deal with. Eventually the raging anger will subside and you'll come to an understanding of where he was coming from, which will help you learn to recognize warning signs and save you a lot of flour and butter. Think of it as an opportunity to learn about the human psyche hands on.

But don't overdo it and totally clam up and never want another man again!

 

[poppy]

But don't overdo it and totally clam up and never want another man again!

But yes. Hopefully Cranky comes out the other side with an outlook that remains positive. Eh. I'm afraid I'm not the one to advise on how to do that though.

 

[BlackCat]

But yes. Hopefully Cranky comes out the other side with an outlook that remains positive. Eh. I'm afraid I'm not the one to advise on how to do that though.

Yeah. It seems like when INTJs get wronged romantically their minds divide by zero and they lose all rationality towards people or the opposite/same sex (depending on preference), and get super jaded.

 

[poppy]

Yeah. It seems like when INTJs get wronged romantically their minds divide by zero and they lose all rationality towards people or the opposite/same sex (depending on preference), and get super jaded.

Yes...that's about right. Only it took me until just recently to realize that it had even happened

*mopes*

Anyway, recognizing that you've been hurt (an isolated incident of hurt perpetrated by one individual who is now missing out) seems to be a good first step for maintaining optimism.