soul_searching
New member
- Joined
- Jul 23, 2017
- Messages
- 33
0. Is there anything that may affect the way you answer the questions? For example, a stressful time, mental illness, medications, special life circumstances? Other useful information includes sex, age, and current state of mind.
I don’t think there’s anything specific that may impact my answers. I’m not stressed or anything.
1. Click on this link: Flickr: Explore! Look at the random photo for about 30 seconds. Copy and paste it here, and write about your impression of it.
The first thing that struck me was the beautiful colors. I just find it aesthetically pleasing overall. I love that there’s water and what I thought was a waterfall behind the pond, but now I’m wondering if it’s more lights? Either way I love it. I feel almost “at home†viewing this. I can’t quite articulate why I feel that way; all I know is that I’m being pulled into it, and it evokes an inexplainable feeling. The only things I don’t like about it are the buildings and mismatched lights in/outside them. They just feel out of place to me. However, that wasn’t something I noticed right away – I only noticed the colors and pond initially, then slowly pieced the entire picture together (i.e. noticed different aspects at a time) and viewed it as a whole and then noticed what didn’t fit with the aesthetic/energy.
2. You are with a group of people in a car, heading to a different town to see your favourite band/artist/musician. Suddenly, the car breaks down for an unknown reason in the middle of nowhere. What are your initial thoughts? What are your outward reactions?
Honestly, I’d probably be irritated and kind of “shut downâ€. But I’d try not to let that show outwardly. (I sometimes find it hard to imagine myself in certain situations that I haven't personally experienced in some variation, so honestly, I can say I’d react in a certain way, however, sometimes, I don’t truly know until it happens.)
3. You somehow make it to the concert. The driver wants to go to the afterparty that was announced (and assure you they won't drink so they can drive back later). How do you feel about this party? What do you do?
I think it would depend on where the afterparty was and if I was feeling it. If I could easily uber home (i.e. wasn’t in an unfamiliar place) I’d probably go but cling to those I already knew.
4. On the drive back, your friends are talking. A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward reaction? What do you outwardly say?
I’d feel it in my body first; my heart would start racing, my face would turn red, and I may end up shaking slightly. Outwardly I would either not say anything at all or try to be as diplomatic as possible because I’m not the type of person to start a fight or cause conflict, even if internally I’d want to rip their eyes out. I’d conduct myself well (or honestly try to), especially in front of my other friends.
5. What would you do if you actually saw/experienced something that clashes with your previous beliefs, experiences, and habits?
I’d most likely have the same reaction as above.
6. What are some of your most important values? How did you come about determining them? How can they change?
I value seeing the good in people, treating them as you’d want to be treated. Since I was a little girl, I saw the best in people. And while this has somewhat changed over time and from painful experiences, and I’ve become pessimistic and doubtful regarding people in some respects, the core belief itself hasn’t shaken too much. At my core I believe people deserve to be seen, especially for the good they have inside them, even if it contradicts what they show outwardly. I value relationships, being committed and faithful in those relationships. When I was younger I had very black and white views on this – you should not as much as look at another person when you’re in a committed relationship, nor should you feel attraction to, or desire another person. I felt doing so made you just as guilty as you’d be for acting on it. This belief could not be wavered in any way, shape, or form. But now that I’ve personally gone through the other side, I don’t feel that’s necessarily true, and I have more empathy for those who do stray in relationships. Yes, it’s still a trigger for me (being cheated on is one of my biggest fears, which obviously stems from deep insecurity), but I’m no longer going to crucify you for making a mistake.
7. a) What about your personality most distinguishes you from everyone else? b) If you could change one thing about you personality, what would it be? Why?
a) The fact I’m very passive, sensitive, and agreeable. I kind of feel like if you stripped me of these qualities, I’d have nothing left, even though these qualities aren’t always the best to have. So clearly, they define me, perhaps more than they should.
b) I’d change probably the passive and agreeable because it makes me feel weak most of the time. I feel like I’m walking through life internally screaming, like I’m living behind soundproof walls, and the rest of the world can’t hear me and has no idea how I truly feel. I wouldn’t change my sensitivity, other than the fact I’d use it as more of an asset, i.e. write more and express myself more.
8. How do you treat hunches or gut feelings? In what situations are they most often triggered?
Honestly, I doubt my hunches/gut feelings, a lot. I always try to pick them apart and analyze them; why am I feeling this way, should I be feeling this way, how do I stop feeling this way, etc. I tend to joke that I ‘don’t have instincts’ but deep down, I know that’s obviously not true; I just don’t trust them the way most people seem to. I feel very stuck inside my head most of the time; it feels like a very emotionally heavy cloudy headspace. So, all in all, I tend to question, doubt, and analyze to death.
9. a) What activities energize you most? b) What activities drain you most? Why?
a) I’m energized by expressing myself in some capacity, whether it’s writing, conversing in a forum, spending time with my fiancé, family or friends. I get such a high from being around certain people, and sometimes, because I’m typically so quiet, when I come out of my shell and as much as speak to someone, I feel energized. Deep down I have a desire to connect with people on a real level, it’s just getting out of my own way. Even cleaning/putting things in order gives me energy – when I’m in this mode, I’m unstoppable. There’s something freeing about purging and reorganizing.
b) I never realized this before, but I’m really drained by sitting around doing nothing; lounging around, binge-watching tv. Even though others may see me as lazy (which admittedly a lot of the time, I can be), I truly believe that stems from something internal in me, almost like a spark has gone out, and the only way to reignite it is to find something stimulating (that’s honestly the best way I can explain it), which is usually having a one-on-one intense conversation, or any of the activities that energize me above. But it takes an unusual amount of energy to get myself into that free-flowing, almost zen-like state.
10. What do you repress about your outward behavior or internal thought process when around others? Why?
My anger. I harbor a lot of resentment and anger towards many people and circumstances, but for the most part, that stays under wraps. Whenever I do express this, it’s never positive. Other people react negatively. I recall my first memory of my relationship with anger when I was eight-years-old. This girl who was supposedly my friend finally pushed me over the edge (honestly I forget what she even did, but I do remember how I felt in that moment), and I blew up at her in a letter, and she gave it to the teacher who read it out loud. I only remember this part: “You don’t treat me like a person.†And I got in trouble for it. So I think somewhere in my subconscious, expressing my anger, to me, meant I was a bad person, and now I tend to swallow these feelings. I also repress my inferiority complex. If someone gets attention for something I wish I had done or shared, then there’s internal jealousy, but I ensure it never shows outwardly. I'll just slip away without them realizing it.
Edit: Please let me know if anything needs elaboration/clarification!
I don’t think there’s anything specific that may impact my answers. I’m not stressed or anything.
1. Click on this link: Flickr: Explore! Look at the random photo for about 30 seconds. Copy and paste it here, and write about your impression of it.
The first thing that struck me was the beautiful colors. I just find it aesthetically pleasing overall. I love that there’s water and what I thought was a waterfall behind the pond, but now I’m wondering if it’s more lights? Either way I love it. I feel almost “at home†viewing this. I can’t quite articulate why I feel that way; all I know is that I’m being pulled into it, and it evokes an inexplainable feeling. The only things I don’t like about it are the buildings and mismatched lights in/outside them. They just feel out of place to me. However, that wasn’t something I noticed right away – I only noticed the colors and pond initially, then slowly pieced the entire picture together (i.e. noticed different aspects at a time) and viewed it as a whole and then noticed what didn’t fit with the aesthetic/energy.
2. You are with a group of people in a car, heading to a different town to see your favourite band/artist/musician. Suddenly, the car breaks down for an unknown reason in the middle of nowhere. What are your initial thoughts? What are your outward reactions?
Honestly, I’d probably be irritated and kind of “shut downâ€. But I’d try not to let that show outwardly. (I sometimes find it hard to imagine myself in certain situations that I haven't personally experienced in some variation, so honestly, I can say I’d react in a certain way, however, sometimes, I don’t truly know until it happens.)
3. You somehow make it to the concert. The driver wants to go to the afterparty that was announced (and assure you they won't drink so they can drive back later). How do you feel about this party? What do you do?
I think it would depend on where the afterparty was and if I was feeling it. If I could easily uber home (i.e. wasn’t in an unfamiliar place) I’d probably go but cling to those I already knew.
4. On the drive back, your friends are talking. A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward reaction? What do you outwardly say?
I’d feel it in my body first; my heart would start racing, my face would turn red, and I may end up shaking slightly. Outwardly I would either not say anything at all or try to be as diplomatic as possible because I’m not the type of person to start a fight or cause conflict, even if internally I’d want to rip their eyes out. I’d conduct myself well (or honestly try to), especially in front of my other friends.
5. What would you do if you actually saw/experienced something that clashes with your previous beliefs, experiences, and habits?
I’d most likely have the same reaction as above.
6. What are some of your most important values? How did you come about determining them? How can they change?
I value seeing the good in people, treating them as you’d want to be treated. Since I was a little girl, I saw the best in people. And while this has somewhat changed over time and from painful experiences, and I’ve become pessimistic and doubtful regarding people in some respects, the core belief itself hasn’t shaken too much. At my core I believe people deserve to be seen, especially for the good they have inside them, even if it contradicts what they show outwardly. I value relationships, being committed and faithful in those relationships. When I was younger I had very black and white views on this – you should not as much as look at another person when you’re in a committed relationship, nor should you feel attraction to, or desire another person. I felt doing so made you just as guilty as you’d be for acting on it. This belief could not be wavered in any way, shape, or form. But now that I’ve personally gone through the other side, I don’t feel that’s necessarily true, and I have more empathy for those who do stray in relationships. Yes, it’s still a trigger for me (being cheated on is one of my biggest fears, which obviously stems from deep insecurity), but I’m no longer going to crucify you for making a mistake.
7. a) What about your personality most distinguishes you from everyone else? b) If you could change one thing about you personality, what would it be? Why?
a) The fact I’m very passive, sensitive, and agreeable. I kind of feel like if you stripped me of these qualities, I’d have nothing left, even though these qualities aren’t always the best to have. So clearly, they define me, perhaps more than they should.
b) I’d change probably the passive and agreeable because it makes me feel weak most of the time. I feel like I’m walking through life internally screaming, like I’m living behind soundproof walls, and the rest of the world can’t hear me and has no idea how I truly feel. I wouldn’t change my sensitivity, other than the fact I’d use it as more of an asset, i.e. write more and express myself more.
8. How do you treat hunches or gut feelings? In what situations are they most often triggered?
Honestly, I doubt my hunches/gut feelings, a lot. I always try to pick them apart and analyze them; why am I feeling this way, should I be feeling this way, how do I stop feeling this way, etc. I tend to joke that I ‘don’t have instincts’ but deep down, I know that’s obviously not true; I just don’t trust them the way most people seem to. I feel very stuck inside my head most of the time; it feels like a very emotionally heavy cloudy headspace. So, all in all, I tend to question, doubt, and analyze to death.
9. a) What activities energize you most? b) What activities drain you most? Why?
a) I’m energized by expressing myself in some capacity, whether it’s writing, conversing in a forum, spending time with my fiancé, family or friends. I get such a high from being around certain people, and sometimes, because I’m typically so quiet, when I come out of my shell and as much as speak to someone, I feel energized. Deep down I have a desire to connect with people on a real level, it’s just getting out of my own way. Even cleaning/putting things in order gives me energy – when I’m in this mode, I’m unstoppable. There’s something freeing about purging and reorganizing.
b) I never realized this before, but I’m really drained by sitting around doing nothing; lounging around, binge-watching tv. Even though others may see me as lazy (which admittedly a lot of the time, I can be), I truly believe that stems from something internal in me, almost like a spark has gone out, and the only way to reignite it is to find something stimulating (that’s honestly the best way I can explain it), which is usually having a one-on-one intense conversation, or any of the activities that energize me above. But it takes an unusual amount of energy to get myself into that free-flowing, almost zen-like state.
10. What do you repress about your outward behavior or internal thought process when around others? Why?
My anger. I harbor a lot of resentment and anger towards many people and circumstances, but for the most part, that stays under wraps. Whenever I do express this, it’s never positive. Other people react negatively. I recall my first memory of my relationship with anger when I was eight-years-old. This girl who was supposedly my friend finally pushed me over the edge (honestly I forget what she even did, but I do remember how I felt in that moment), and I blew up at her in a letter, and she gave it to the teacher who read it out loud. I only remember this part: “You don’t treat me like a person.†And I got in trouble for it. So I think somewhere in my subconscious, expressing my anger, to me, meant I was a bad person, and now I tend to swallow these feelings. I also repress my inferiority complex. If someone gets attention for something I wish I had done or shared, then there’s internal jealousy, but I ensure it never shows outwardly. I'll just slip away without them realizing it.
Edit: Please let me know if anything needs elaboration/clarification!
