Ask God

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Dear God,

Am I the Chosen One?

Ginkgo,

Of course you are!

Now all you need to know is what you've been chosen for.

God,

What are you made out of? Do you have a God? Is he your father? Are we like grand children to the nth degree? Can you die? If you die what happens to us?

ReflecTcelfeR,

Goodness
Order
Decency

And a heart made of solid ruby. Just because I can.

I've already answered whether I have a God, and I don't answer the same question twice. God's answer never changes.*

Actually, I don't even know if I can die. Isn't that weird? I suspect that if I can, it would only be because you all turned on me. I guess I'm like representative government. If everyone stops believing in it, it goes away.


* Unless Mrs. God throws a hissy. Hi-yo!

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

Ginkgo,

Of course you are!

Now all you need to know is what you've been chosen for.



ReflecTcelfeR,

Goodness
Order
Decency

And a heart made of solid ruby. Just because I can.

I've already answered whether I have a God, and I don't answer the same question twice. God's answer never changes.*

Actually, I don't even know if I can die. Isn't that weird? I suspect that if I can, it would only be because you all turned on me. I guess I'm like representative government. If everyone stops believing in it, it goes away.


* Unless Mrs. God throws a hissy. Hi-yo!

Hmmm... so you're like Santa Claus?

 

[Anew Leaf]

Saturned,

You can't expect me to give away my biggest secret! It's like asking someone to enjoy and invest themselves in Citizen Kane after you tell them what "Rosebud" means! That said, I'll give you the classic politician non-answer answer. All is possible with me. By the way, togas are given out on a case-by-case basis, if you know what I mean. It's everyone else's heaven, too.



Stop summing up life better than I can. I don't think I have to tell you that it doesn't end well for people who cross me.

Hah! I had you there for a minute! I'm not that kind of God.





I understand that you love ponies, but not everyone does. If you want to know the truth, I created ponies on a dare to create a pointless animal. They're like horses, but too small to be of any use. They wind up in undignified petting zoos until they're not cute anymore, then God only knows what happens to them. Kind of like former members of Menudo.

If you want a whale shark, you've come to the wrong department. I get so many prayers and requests that I can't handle them all. I take the important ones, but I hired a guy to handle of all humankind's vulgar material requests. I think you guys call him Santa Claus. Sometimes I want THAT guy's job. He's like a grandparent. He gets to be the guy that brings you cool shit, and I get to be the guy that tells you everything fun is a sin.

Who doesn't love ponies?! Mean people!! That's who!! Also, I read somewhere (in my mind) that anything not featured on an episode of the Jersey Shore is fair game for prayers. So I can pray for a whale shark but I can't pray for a fake tan. Capiche?

Dear God,

Do you appear differently to each of us depending on what we are? Or are you always the same and it is we who see you differently because of who we are?

~a creation locked with the walls of four dimensions

 

[Anew Leaf]

P.S.

Dear God,

Do you reside outside of time? If so, could it be possible to posit that if you are outside of time and heaven is with you - that my soul can currently be in heaven while at the same time being alive and on earth?

inside your quantum box... maybe...
me

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Who doesn't love ponies?! Mean people!! That's who!! Also, I read somewhere (in my mind) that anything not featured on an episode of the Jersey Shore is fair game for prayers. So I can pray for a whale shark but I can't pray for a fake tan. Capiche?

Saturned,

As you are imbued with free will by your creator, you can pray for anything you like. But it doesn't make a lot of sense to order spaghetti at McDonald's.

/wisdom

Dear God,

Do you appear differently to each of us depending on what we are? Or are you always the same and it is we who see you differently because of who we are?

~a creation locked with the walls of four dimensions

Let me answer by citing your salutation. "A creation locked within the walls of four dimensions." In heaven, there are no fewer than 36 dimensions. I shit you not. Now, some people will fear that they have 36 ways to look fat, and some will embrace 36 different ways to smile. Objective truth is the same for everyone, but everything you see is dependent on who you are.

/on a roll

P.S.

Dear God,

Do you reside outside of time? If so, could it be possible to posit that if you are outside of time and heaven is with you - that my soul can currently be in heaven while at the same time being alive and on earth?

inside your quantum box... maybe...
me

Did you ever see the movie Scanners? I know it sounds like a cop out, but if I explained this to you in detail, your head would do THAT. But I can tell you that your soul resides in your body for as long as you are alive. There is only one you, and you can only be one place. And that place is frequently this thread!

 

[Redbone]

Dear God,

Are You pretty much like The Aleph?

Also, do you have the answer to my question that I'm too shy to ask on this thread in the fortune cookie that came with my General Tso's chicken (which was awful...I will hire a cook until I feel better)?

 

[Anew Leaf]

Dear God,

So I am still thinking about this whole time thing and where heaven resides, etc. Do you let us invent stuff in heaven? Can we make mountains? Diamonds? Animals? Because my thinking is that we could possibly be inventing stuff in heaven and then planting these creations on earth to give ourselves joy for when we finally sprout upon the earth. (Since heaven is outside of time, we could theoretically be able to make something in heaven and then put it at any point in time we so choose.) If this is the case, then my soul would like to "call shotgun" on creating ponies and bunnies. Thanks.

From what I have read about astronomy and astrophysics.... the universe seems to be pretty darn huge. Is there other life on other planets? Or did you create this entire universe in order to just create our earth in order to just show us how amazing and precious life is?

~ 2 halves of a soul, one here, one not here.

 

[Ginkgo]

Dear God,

8=======D~~~~~<3<3

 

[violet_crown]

Dear God,

8=======D~~~~~<3<3

 

[Jonny]

Dear God,

I hate you and don't believe in you.

Jonny

P.S. - I also kind of don't like people who believe in you; they seem stupid to me. Does this make me a bad person? xoxoxo

 

[LEGERdeMAIN]

oh....good lord

 

[Ginkgo]

 

[Lark]

Dear God,

First of all thanks for answering all my prayers, seriously everything I ask for is always delivered on some way or another and often straight forwardly or unmistakeably as I asked for it, and awareness of this fact makes the time I lost faith, the legacies associated with that, all the more difficult to recollect. Also thanks for not delivering on any of the irrational emoting which I uttered as lower case prayers when I was angry or despairing, or at least for not delivering on them completely (I was seriously shocked when the ex-boss who I hated really did get in a nasty car crash). Its probably a good thing that I didnt win the lottery that time I got the exact numbers but only the week before those numbers came up. There's a lesson there because I was, even if it was more in my mind than anything else, harbouring a grudge against someone and it was turning toxic. I'd have misused any wealth I suddenly came into then.

This time I'm asking that some feelings I have for someone will disappear, twice you delivered this person's affections when I asked, on the second occasion this really was a lesson that there are two tragedies in life, the one not to get your heart's desire, the other to get it, this time I'm just asking that any feelings I have for them can just take a hike. I'm pretty sure they're involved with someone else now and its probably a good thing. There was a lot about the time we spent together that I never understood anyway, a lot that seemed ill conceived and confusing, although it was also great and I guess there are relationships like that. It was a bitter sweet deal but I want to move on and it'd also be cool if you could some how secure a workable friendship arrangement between them and me. I'm asking this confidently because there's nothing beyond God, sorry for doubting you before, in some ways its got to be the human condition but there's enough pointers provided by great thinkers who've been through the mill for those that want to work that out.

Also, thanks for some of the new friends I've made, the books I got today randomly but on topics I needed more than wanted to read about. Cheers for now.

 

[LEGERdeMAIN]

looks like somebody's trying to get banned BY THE POPE!!!!!

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Dear God,

Are You pretty much like The Aleph?

Also, do you have the answer to my question that I'm too shy to ask on this thread in the fortune cookie that came with my General Tso's chicken (which was awful...I will hire a cook until I feel better)?

Redbone,

I am very much like the Aleph. Everything that ever was is up in my head. Not sure that you guys could see it or understand it though...your brains can't handle the awesomeness. Refer to the Scanners clip earlier in the thread for clarification I'm sorry that your General Tso's chicken was subpar. That is one of my favorite Chinese dishes, but they never make it spicy enough. It always has a chile pepper next to it on the menu, which means it's supposed to be spicy, but it just isn't unless you are a baby or infirm. They should put a quarter of a chile pepper next to that shit.

Also, I do have the answer to the question you are too shy to ask: Yes, but only the red kind, and only if he agrees to go with you.

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Dear God,

So I am still thinking about this whole time thing and where heaven resides, etc. Do you let us invent stuff in heaven? Can we make mountains? Diamonds? Animals? Because my thinking is that we could possibly be inventing stuff in heaven and then planting these creations on earth to give ourselves joy for when we finally sprout upon the earth. (Since heaven is outside of time, we could theoretically be able to make something in heaven and then put it at any point in time we so choose.) If this is the case, then my soul would like to "call shotgun" on creating ponies and bunnies. Thanks.

You have many question, Mr. Sparkle.

Heaven is not your personal holodeck, Saturned. Besides, you cannot invent anything that I haven't already invented, so it wouldn't be truly your creation. You could only imagine a pony because I imagined it first. Heaven is also not a DeLorean with 1.21 jigawatts. Heaven Saturned can't help Earth Saturned, that wouldn't be very fair. Besides, if this were possible, people would be having a lot more fun on Earth, wouldn't they? Everyone would have a pony or a unicorn or a koi pond or a cure for fatness, wouldn't they?

From what I have read about astronomy and astrophysics.... the universe seems to be pretty darn huge. Is there other life on other planets? Or did you create this entire universe in order to just create our earth in order to just show us how amazing and precious life is?

~ 2 halves of a soul, one here, one not here.

I'm not really sure I should tell you guys the answer to this question. I'll give you a hint, though - remember before when I said you guys need to get over yourselves? Yeah. That is true on lots of levels. I hope this notion doesn't ALIENate you.

Dear God,

8=======D~~~~~<3<3

Gingko,

You need to take a few equals signs out of that otherwise amusing rendering. Remember, God knows all.

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Dear God,

I hate you and don't believe in you.

Jonny

P.S. - I also kind of don't like people who believe in you; they seem stupid to me. Does this make me a bad person? xoxoxo

Jonny,

Yes.

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Dear God,

First of all thanks for answering all my prayers, seriously everything I ask for is always delivered on some way or another and often straight forwardly or unmistakeably as I asked for it, and awareness of this fact makes the time I lost faith, the legacies associated with that, all the more difficult to recollect. Also thanks for not delivering on any of the irrational emoting which I uttered as lower case prayers when I was angry or despairing, or at least for not delivering on them completely (I was seriously shocked when the ex-boss who I hated really did get in a nasty car crash). Its probably a good thing that I didnt win the lottery that time I got the exact numbers but only the week before those numbers came up. There's a lesson there because I was, even if it was more in my mind than anything else, harbouring a grudge against someone and it was turning toxic. I'd have misused any wealth I suddenly came into then.

This time I'm asking that some feelings I have for someone will disappear, twice you delivered this person's affections when I asked, on the second occasion this really was a lesson that there are two tragedies in life, the one not to get your heart's desire, the other to get it, this time I'm just asking that any feelings I have for them can just take a hike. I'm pretty sure they're involved with someone else now and its probably a good thing. There was a lot about the time we spent together that I never understood anyway, a lot that seemed ill conceived and confusing, although it was also great and I guess there are relationships like that. It was a bitter sweet deal but I want to move on and it'd also be cool if you could some how secure a workable friendship arrangement between them and me. I'm asking this confidently because there's nothing beyond God, sorry for doubting you before, in some ways its got to be the human condition but there's enough pointers provided by great thinkers who've been through the mill for those that want to work that out.

Also, thanks for some of the new friends I've made, the books I got today randomly but on topics I needed more than wanted to read about. Cheers for now.

Lark,

tl;dr

Haha, I'm just screwing with you. But seriously, from now on, don't be afraid to edit. I get lots of questions. Thanks for the kind words, I don't get too many of those unless someone wants a pony [not naming any names]. Your request is a thorny one. I don't really interfere in the affairs of men's hearts. It's not my place. All I can do is to say that this too shall pass. This young woman appears to have left these feelings behind, and you will too. It's always hard to be the one that holds onto the feelings the longest, but take heart - it's a sign of the depth and quantity of love you are capable of giving!

 

[Saslou]

Dear God,

Being capable of seeing all, thinking all and feeling all, do you ever feel like giving up your day job? or maybe just taking a vacation? What is the hardest part of your job? Is there a Mrs God? Do you ever perv on people while they shower? (Will i go to hell for asking that?)

Lastly ... Is there a animal heaven?

Thank you <3

 

[Ginkgo]

Dear God,

Thank you for creating me. Thank you for creating everything. Thank you for clearing out my resentment, my melancholy, and my general spiritual constipation. You are the Drain-O to my metaphysical piping. I'm looking forward to our relationship growing and taking new turns.

Ginkgo