hah. more like what do i
not like about ENFJs
it's like they're a reflection of myself... we're on the same page, but at opposite ends of the spectrum. which is simultaneously really attractive and kind of maddening.
so... i love the ENFJ outward confidence and warmth. i love that when they're passionate about something, they're very dedicated to it, and that they're serious about commitments. i love that they're always watching out for people and that they always have an endgoal in mind - they like fun, too, but don't lose sight of their longterm goals because of it.
i love that they can walk in a room and command everyone's attention, and that they're such effective leaders - that they can run a tight ship and still take care of people. i love their "silly switch" and that their sense of humor is similar to mine. i love that they usually love kids, but are still good at directing them, and how they don't take shit from people but people always seem to like them anyway. i love how they'll take someone under their wing and help them - oftentimes a lot of someones! i love how they can be so social but still be really into nerdy theoretical things, and i love that they're genuinely interested when i talk about random ideas like string theory and taoist scripture. i love that they're concerned with meaning too, and aren't as interested in the "bottom line", but are still practical and don't sacrifice reality for pipe dreams - they make reality work for them.
i think it's intriguing that they throw up a barrier even though they're such people-persons, and it makes me want to get to know them even more. i find it intriguing that they won't quickly spill their deepest thoughts to me, like a lot of people tend to do. it's both sweet and respectable how they try to conceal all their worries from the world, and it's humbling to learn how someone who makes everything look so damn easy can carry so much complex anxiety in a hidden place.
also, try an ENFP-ENFJ tag team sometime. there's pretty much nothing you can't do together.
except basic math.
Fuzzcrossed said:
On the other hand, with INFPs, I find I often can't win...they care about/for themselves very well, but I think they find it difficult to care for others. Same with ENFPs to some magnitude; I've got one friend who calls me up only when she has a problem.
what i suspect you're perceiving as not interested in you is the NFP tendency to not want to infringe upon other people. NFJs are quicker to insert themselves in others' lives, to direct them and to begin interactions with them. NFPs are
very interested in people and, usually, we really, really care about others, but we also find the Fe way of interacting to be somewhat off-putting, because it seems like it might be interfering - it might get in the other person's way. your NFP friend might not call you up because she doesn't want to inconvenience you, and will only call when she feels like it's very important - and she probably assumes that you will do the same. it's not about self-absorption at all, even though i understand how it can come off that way. the way i see it is wanting to let you decide if you'd like to contact me, instead of bugging you with phone calls all the time, you know?
OrangeAppled said:
The other issue is, I know some ENFJs who refuse to open up & keep deflecting the conversation away from them; what's a person supposed to do then?
this too. it usually takes a LOT of work to get through an NFJ shell. if you keep your defensive walls so strong and push others away, how can you chide someone else for not seeming interested in you? it's especially hard for Fi types, because we
need to know who you are inside to be able to take care of you in the way that we best can. we can try Fe, but we're kind of bad at it. we'll do much better if you'll open up a little.