Am I Ne Aux or Inferior?

[kittendioxide]

Figuring this out is hard. There's so much contradictory information online and intuitive bias makes it that much harder. What if what I think is Ne isn't Ne at all? Either way, I know I have strong Si. I hope that someone will be able to point me in the right direction if I give some information on my use of these functions. I'll start off describing how I use Si and then going into what's causing the confusion

Si is undoubtedly in my stack, I'm nostalgic, I always remember the last time I was in a place if I visit it again. I love re-watching my favourite movies or holding on to things from my childhood that I no longer need. I can be risk averse in some ways due to my anxiety, like my other friends are comfortable making up facts in very important exams whereas I wouldn't take that risk. I know when I'm hungry and need to eat or sleep, because food is awesome and sleeping is awesome. I would never forget to take care of my physical needs or anything like that. I get a lot of comforting, hazy snapshots of my past - sometimes a feeling I can't put a name to and such. I "keep up" with sensory tasks easily, like washing the dishes before they pile up or something. I rewatch my favourite shows often- If I'm going to watch a new show I make sure I'm in a good mental state as I know that if I'm in a bad headspace I'll associate the show with that feeling forever, listen to the same music frequently, I hold onto a lot of memorabilia from my past too. Sometimes I notice changes in my physical environment, other times I don't. It really depends. Inferior Ne makes some sense, when I'm anxious about something I tend to imagine a weird worst case scenario that literally wouldn't ever happen because it's not even possible.

I dislike routine, I mean I like the idea of it as it could probably make me a lot more productive than I actually am, but actually following them is boring. Same with plans, to do lists et cetera. I kinda enjoy making lists for my future dreams but only because it seems like a brainstorming activity. I like thinking of ideas for other peoples future too, paths they could go down and such. I have a lot of issues in life, but I've never felt hopeless because I have dreams for the future and so when people do get hopeless or say they can't do something I get ticked off, like open your eyes and see the possibilities. When I think about possibilities it's usually like 2-3 good ideas though, not tons. For most things I prefer going with the flow, I don't like following instructions and would rather just jump in and figure things out, trusting it'll all work out in the end. I don't really like sticking to one thing - I want to do everything, I can't see myself in just one career or doing just one job for ages. I like having changes in my life and even though I look to the past with fondness I'm not attached to it. I find trying new things exciting. I'm very indecisive overall because I see the good parts of every option and just want it all. I feel detached from physical reality like my body is just a vessel for my mind and I can't focus on what's around me - but its not a disconnect from my body, just from the external world. Like I said I'll still remember to eat and stuff, but I also completely lack spatial awareness, a sense of direction et cetera and everyone makes jokes about how clumsy, disorganised or forgetful I am - and I don't mean just a little clumsy, I mean a lot lol. I have a very low attention span too, I can't really focus on just one thing. I'm very lazy and disorganised - when you walk into my room there's usually heaps of unorganised paper stacks. My teachers always used to tell me to stop daydreaming as a kid. I have a lot of things I want to do but I never take action, I usually just think about them. I'm not a risk taker at all, but I enjoy some safe spontaneity.

My mind is pretty stable. I don't feel like its jumping from idea to idea, the ideas are always linked and most of the time I'm thinking of pretty normal stuff. Ideas don't just come to me unless I try to conjure them up - but if I am actively trying to think of ideas its not hard for me to do so. If I brainstorm one idea, I can usually conjure a few more loosely linked ideas on top of it. Basically I build off ideas, with a "big idea" as a foundation which I feel the need to link other ideas back to. My daydreams are mostly in the realm of reality, I'll usually be thinking about how badly I want to travel or how I'm craving pancakes, or imagining myself trying to get out of certain scenarios as a 13th century english peasant boy. My brain can go to some weird places, but it's not super frequent but its like a few times a day. Some examples are imagining a scenario where everyone turns into a blade of grass at the age of 25, a judgement day esque scenario where you can rip your heart out of your chest and see how pure it is, what if we devised a new kind of education system, what if tulips and roses were personified and had a rivalry over roses being more popular but a tulip boy and a rose girl fell in love like romeo and juliet. these are just examples from the last few days. The ideas are usually not vocalised, they're very dumb but they'll be triggered by something else in the real world most of the time, the tulip one for example was because I was looking at tulips at my room and wondering why roses were more popular when tulips were much prettier, and imagining if the tulip would be upset if it had feelings lol. But I don't just pull these things out of nowhere, they're linked to things I've seen or been thinking about in the real world. I sound batshit crazy here so I'll stop writing now.

But this is the thing that's causing the biggest confusion for me - so please if anyone can help out, let me know.

 

[meowington]

I get strong INFP vibes when reading this.
Aux Ne
Tertiary Si
Don't take my word for it.

 

[Pionart]

You're an INTP.

Look at the way you start your post by pointing out contradictory information.

 

[Meltar85]

I see introverted perceiving in the way you start off with laying out the format of your post: "I'll start off describing how I use Si and then going into what's causing the confusion". You're organizing your post in a clear, linear way. You're likely Si (and not Ni) because you're specific with concrete facts to support your belief that you have strong Si. The fact that you seem to find comfort in maintaining your environment (even though you hate chores - who doesn't?) also supports Si.

But is your Si stronger than your Ne? You said, "If I'm going to watch a new show I make sure I'm in a good mental state as I know that if I'm in a bad headspace I'll associate the show with that feeling forever..." This indicates that you have to prepare yourself for something new. The new has to get in line with what you believe you may experience long term. You let in new experiences in a limited and controlled way so that you don't upset your preferred function. You're more concerned with controlling and organizing new information (introverted perceiving) than with gathering it (extroverted perceiving). Still, your Ne is pretty strong. You said you imagine strange scenarios several times a day. Also, it doesn't seem you're necessarily "afraid" of not knowing possible outcomes, only that you want to control when and how you take them in. It sounds like your Ne is akin to a "playground"; but you always come home to your Si.

So, the next question would be: Are you an ISFJ or an ESFJ? You don't describe your relationships in your post so it's not possible to know how strong your Fe would be. You might be an ISFJ that relies heavily on Si and Ti, and only "dabbles" in Fe and Ne in a safe and controlled way. There are a couple of typology theories that opine it's common to skip the second function because it's the opposite orientation (introverted v extroverted) of the first; it's easier to stay in the dominant orientation. (See Cognitive Personality Theory from Harry Murrell, and Objective Personality Theory by Dave and Shannon Powers.)