[ENFJ] Advice regarding ENFJs from ENFJs

[Razvan]

What's Fe?

Wiki says it better than me :

F – Feeling preferred to thinking: ENFJs tend to value personal considerations above objective criteria. When making decisions, they often give more weight to social implications than to logic.

Dominant: Extraverted feeling (Fe)

Fe seeks social connections and creates harmonious interactions through polite, considerate, and appropriate behavior. Fe responds to the explicit (and implicit) wants of others, and may even create an internal conflict between the subject’s own needs and the desire to meet the needs of others.



About ESFJs, the main difference is Si versus Ni. My mom is ESFJ, she's a great woman, but whenever I want to talk about myself, she is concerned about me having everything I need right now, at a superficial level. More abstract concepts, like emotional needs, my independence, personal satisfaction within my career and so on are harder to grasp and comprehend compared to an Intuitive. Sensors are also quick to label based on what they see in the now. I've seen this not just with ESFJs. An Intuitive is more likely to wait to try to grasp the whole picture.

 

[King sns]

Wiki says it better than me :

F – Feeling preferred to thinking: ENFJs tend to value personal considerations above objective criteria. When making decisions, they often give more weight to social implications than to logic.

Dominant: Extraverted feeling (Fe)

Fe seeks social connections and creates harmonious interactions through polite, considerate, and appropriate behavior. Fe responds to the explicit (and implicit) wants of others, and may even create an internal conflict between the subject’s own needs and the desire to meet the needs of others.



About ESFJs, the main difference is Si versus Ni. My mom is ESFJ, she's a great woman, but whenever I want to talk about myself, she is concerned about me having everything I need right now, at a superficial level. More abstract concepts, like emotional needs, my independence, personal satisfaction within my career and so on are harder to grasp and comprehend compared to an Intuitive. Sensors are also quick to label based on what they see in the now. I've seen this not just with ESFJs. An Intuitive is more likely to wait to try to grasp the whole picture.

Yeah, but in the meantime you are not getting your snacks or following your nap times.

 

[Neutralpov]

Did someone say snacks!?

 

[Razvan]

Yeah, but in the meantime you are not getting your snacks or following your nap times.

HA! Lol, you're an ENFP and you are lecturing me about following nap times , I love the irony of that. But in a serious mode...yeah, I guess I'm not, I have a problem with doing things in the right order. I could go for a day maybe even 2 without food for example, if what I did was so important or spiritually motivating to me...or fun.

Did someone say snacks!?

I actually have 2 bags full of snacks I have to fit in a box and ship to the USA to a friend...so it's funny you 2 are mentioning snacks. Plus some surprises. However, it might still not match the awesomeness of what I received this week : Original US girl scout cookies! As in brought to the door by original US girl scouts in cute outfits. I can't wait to open the box next week (I have my reasons for waiting that long, I want to make this event perfect).

 

[Tiger Owl]

This is not really a question, more of an expose where your comments and suggestions are more than welcome.

My wife is (I am fairly certain) eNFj and we work very well as a couple but it definitely takes work. The rough spots we have had to work on mostly stem from me being too critical and dismissive of her when she is illogical and making stubborn decisions based on emotion instead of fact. I also have to be sensitive to my tendency to walk right over her opinions when I am confident in being correct (I have to shut up and listen and remind myself that her input is a very valuable perspective that I wouldn't have otherwise). She can be very sensitive to criticism and forgives completely but slowly. She keeps me from being a completely insensitive ass in social situations. She has gotten much better about not leaving little projects half finished everywhere she goes. When it comes to big projects I couldn't think of a better woman to have with me. She is detail oriented, capable and perfectionistic with the big stuff. She is the best mother I have ever met and I hope our children take after her. She relies on me to deal with confrontation for her but I would hate to see what would happen to the individual that threatened our family.

What should I be very careful/sensitive about with an eNFj spouse? (her MBTI was xNFj but I see slightly more e in her type).

 

[NPcomplete]

Hello!!

I don't quite know how to ask this, specially the level of detail required so if you need more details, ask away.

My best friend is an ENFJ and we talk to each other everyday, going through our problems, theories, impressions etc.. She has been dealing with a sort of big problem for a while now and we've been discussing it whenever we talk. I don't mind her discussing that problem with me at all. I usually just offer possibilities, alternate ways to view the situation, offer the cynical point of view, play devil's advocate, tell her silly jokes to get her mind off of it. I'm not sure how helpful I'm being though. She usually thanks me for listening to her etc but maybe she's only being nice?

So is there anything else I could/should do?

Thanks!

 

[ceecee]

This is not really a question, more of an expose where your comments and suggestions are more than welcome.

My wife is (I am fairly certain) eNFj and we work very well as a couple but it definitely takes work. The rough spots we have had to work on mostly stem from me being too critical and dismissive of her when she is illogical and making stubborn decisions based on emotion instead of fact. I also have to be sensitive to my tendency to walk right over her opinions when I am confident in being correct (I have to shut up and listen and remind myself that her input is a very valuable perspective that I wouldn't have otherwise). She can be very sensitive to criticism and forgives completely but slowly. She keeps me from being a completely insensitive ass in social situations. She has gotten much better about not leaving little projects half finished everywhere she goes. When it comes to big projects I couldn't think of a better woman to have with me. She is detail oriented, capable and perfectionistic with the big stuff. She is the best mother I have ever met and I hope our children take after her. She relies on me to deal with confrontation for her but I would hate to see what would happen to the individual that threatened our family.

What should I be very careful/sensitive about with an eNFj spouse? (her MBTI was xNFj but I see slightly more e in her type).

Oh yeah. I have to choose my words a bit more carefully with my ENFJ. I am open to his opinion/perspective, even when I'm very sure I'm right because it is likely I wouldn't have thought to look at things his way and I need that panoramic view at times.

She relies on me to deal with confrontation for her but I would hate to see what would happen to the individual that threatened our family.

Well if someone/something threatened my family, the better pray the ENFJ gets to them before I do. He does not rely on me to handle confrontation, he's a man, he handles that very well but it's not a natural thing for him, as it is for me. I have an overwhelming urge to protect what is mine and this has caused a few issues here and there. More of a male/female thing than anything else.

 

[Tiger Owl]

Well if someone/something threatened my family, the better pray the ENFJ gets to them before I do. He does not rely on me to handle confrontation, he's a man, he handles that very well but it's not a natural thing for him, as it is for me. I have an overwhelming urge to protect what is mine and this has caused a few issues here and there. More of a male/female thing than anything else.

Same here. If I were not around and something happened to put our kids in danger she would more than be up to the task in that situation. But if I get to them first their day will not turn out well.

 

[Neutralpov]

What should I be very careful/sensitive about with an eNFj spouse? (her MBTI was xNFj but I see slightly more e in her type).

This could apply to the question posed by the alchemist as well about what you can do for your eNFj.

I think I need reciprocity and mutual giving. Being a giver (as a knee-jerk reaction I have to remind myself to stop!) I need someone who invests equally in me. I am free when I can see that reciprocity and respect for my voice. Also trust and being privy to inner thoughts of ENFJ is rare so treat them with the benefit of the doubt if you have conflict and be open yourself in return so that the relationship is balanced in vulnerability. If you stop communicating, listening, or become unwilling to be as open as the enfj you will be phased to a more distant relationship or if that isn't possible the door will be closed. Some enfjs can't voice their needs so ask if that is the case and help (or force) them to learn to and have great boundaries or they will get burned.

 

[cranez]

My best friend is an ENFJ and we talk to each other everyday, going through our problems, theories, impressions etc.. She has been dealing with a sort of big problem for a while now and we've been discussing it whenever we talk. I don't mind her discussing that problem with me at all. I usually just offer possibilities, alternate ways to view the situation, offer the cynical point of view, play devil's advocate, tell her silly jokes to get her mind off of it. I'm not sure how helpful I'm being though. She usually thanks me for listening to her etc but maybe she's only being nice?

So is there anything else I could/should do?

As an ENFJ, I know it's important for us to talk about our issues with people we trust such as a close friend, family or even a spouse / lover. We love feedback from those who are closest to us. We love honesty, so playing the Devil's advocate / being cynical is great to us. Perfect. Make us laugh, we'll love you even more for your company.

At the same time, we also tend to try & be as independent as possible about our deep issues. Don't overcrowd or try to do too much. I'm sure she's happy with just having you as a confident & most of all, her best friend. Just let her know that if she ever needs anything that you'll do what you can & if she truly needs your help, she'll ask.

ENFJs are happy with almost about any gesture of kindness. If she is thanking you - she most likely genuinely means it; Especially if she continues to come back to you and talk with you about her problems, woes, etc.

Hope things work out for your ENFJ friend. But I'm pretty sure...she feels lucky to have you as a friend to help her through whatever she is going through.

Also, I noticed you're an INTP. My best friend is an INTP as well. We compliment each other wonderfully. <3

 

[NPcomplete]

As an ENFJ, I know it's important for us to talk about our issues with people we trust such as a close friend, family or even a spouse / lover. We love feedback from those who are closest to us. We love honesty, so playing the Devil's advocate / being cynical is great to us. Perfect. Make us laugh, we'll love you even more for your company.

At the same time, we also tend to try & be as independent as possible about our deep issues. Don't overcrowd or try to do too much. I'm sure she's happy with just having you as a confident & most of all, her best friend. Just let her know that if she ever needs anything that you'll do what you can & if she truly needs your help, she'll ask.

ENFJs are happy with almost about any gesture of kindness. If she is thanking you - she most likely genuinely means it; Especially if she continues to come back to you and talk with you about her problems, woes, etc.

Hope things work out for your ENFJ friend. But I'm pretty sure...she feels lucky to have you as a friend to help her through whatever she is going through.

Also, I noticed you're an INTP. My best friend is an INTP as well. We compliment each other wonderfully. <3

Thank you for your reply.

We do complement each other a lot. When I am being particularly emotionally slow or as usual, oblivious, she'll point things out to me and I'll get all . And I do, well I do the things I mentioned earlier.

I don't know about her current situation. I have mixed feelings about it. But I guess that's my problem and not hers? I can't help feeling that she's jumping into something without giving it enough thought. Or maybe that's because it takes me forever to make decisions...hmmm..

Will I be imposing on her if I told her what I would have done?

This is so confusing. :S

 

[cranez]

Will I be imposing on her if I told her what I would have done?

This is so confusing. :S

You can always give suggestions to an ENFJ; What you would have done, what you have done, what you could do, but it all comes down to the delivery.

 

[NPcomplete]

You can always give suggestions to an ENFJ; What you would have done, what you have done, what you could do, but it all comes down to the delivery.

Right now, she's convinced that she's doing the right thing. Perhaps it is the right thing. I just hope I am wrong. In any case, I think I can only provide support at this point and possibly bring any pitfalls to her attention.

Thanks a lot.