9w1. Thought I was a 4w5... Nope, just unhealthy! Kay, what am I doing online? Getting lost in a comfortable routine. Self forgetting, big issue. Others' thoughts/ wants/ opinions come in louder than my own. By contrast, mine seem unimportant... as if there is no satisfaction to fulfilling those desires- Doesn't quite feel like a desire at all. When I can assert my opinion, I'm often quite dispassionate about it. State it like a fact, then back off. There is comfort in not picking a side

After all, you don't have to defend your position; plus when you can see everyones own unique view equally, how can you rightfully side with one? It's complicated.
Recently learned how to recognize my own anger... it's scary

But kind of nice to be in touch with my own emotional buttons that change my mood. If I'm not aware of the root of my problem... I tend to fantasize about it's origin. Romanticize it's roots.... I normally have a friend come over saturday night. We have this routine.... lol. He couldn't make it this weekend, so I stayed up being bummed out thinking about some past-would-be-relationship and how I miss him so. Then I stopped to question; isn't it more probable that I am just not acknowledging that I have profound insecurities about the current relationship I'm in already?
I wonder... once I am able to assert these nagging insecurities to my friend, will they be laid to rest? OR would it remain insatiable? I don't think talking it out is the proper answer... no I think talking is just postponing me acting. It is just a pseudo-solution that wouldn't actually solve anything. How do I act? When do I act? what do I do? Hell.. what do I want out of this relationship?
That point I'm trying to illustrate here is... lol. Is there a point? I think I require a lot of objective analysis to get in touch with myself. I wonder if when I get the hang of it, if it will become easier... I imagine it will.