9w1 or 4w5?

[Space_Oddity]

Right now I should be doing my homework, so I figured this is the best time to start a thread about my Enneagram type.

I would be very happy if someone helped me to figure it out. I've narrowed it down to 9w1 and 4w5, but I still can't put a finger on my main type. Recently I finally reluctantly conceded I am 4w5 - reluctantly, because I didn't feel half as proud of it as other owners of the number seem to be -, but after more thinking and reading the '4 is the loneliest number' thread I think that 9 is maybe more plausible after all, although some things still don't fit. I'll try to describe some of my traits and hope it'll shed some light

I have a rich inner world. I'm very imaginative and if I'm in good mental health, I constantly daydream and theorize about whatever I'm interested in at the moment. Or better, whatever I love at the moment. Whenever there is something that fascinates me, I will become pretty monotematic. I consider myself an artistic person; I love reading literature and writing, lately also drawing, and I have always very personal approach to art (I love art that affects my feelings).

As for feelings, I concetrate on them a lot. I usually don't have any problems figuring out what I feel; I'd say that I'm very much in touch with my feelings most of the time, and I take them very seriously. When there is a feeling-related problem that needs to be solved, I will spend hours and hours analysing it with my INFP friends. However, I wouldn't say that all my life revolves around my feelings; if needed, I will almost always supress them to make the other side feel comfortable.

I'm under the impression that 4s always want to be 'authentic' regardless of how it affects the other side; I almost always put the other side first. I don't know if it counts as ignoring/not dealing with negative emotions... I deal with them all the time on the inside, I just don't show it very often, and instead of outright supressing them I'm trying to change them into something more positive.

I have to admit there has been a situation in my life when I was supressing feelings and in the end I couldn't hold it anymore and exploded, which led to a catastrophe and a long period when I couldn't feel anything. However, I've read that whereas 4s tend to be nihilistic when depressed, 9s tend to be apathetic, and I was definitely extremely nihilistic.

It's very important to me to be true to myself. When I'm not, I'm feeling depressed. When I was younger (and more of a 4 I'd think) I desired to find someone who will understand me and love me and I'll be able to be myself with them. At that time, I was the 'weird' one at school, so I guess it was quite understandable. >< However, I wouldn't say that my standarts are dramatically high. If I find someone I like, I'm content and I work on the relationship to make it even better. I don't need to feel any instant magical connection; perhaps I wanted when I was younger, but now I find it kind of naive. According to my experience, slowly creating a deep bond is just as valuable, although it's great to feel that I just 'click' with someone immediately. Experience has made me a little sceptical towards the 'love at first sight' business, though.

Basically, I try to avoid conflicts, but when the conflict arises, I'm anything but apathetic. It usually happens when I strongly disagree with someone else's opinions, when someone does something that violates my values or when I feel unjustly offended. When it happens, I no longer feel that I have to take their feelings into consideration, I stop controlling myself and sometimes pretty much blow up. I would start such a conflict only if I felt it was absolutely necessary, though, otherwise I try to preserve peace, especially when it comes to interpersonal relationships. I absolutely hate having conflicts with people I love; when someone forces me to express an opinion that I know will lead to controversy and possible argument, or forces me to express negative feelings, it literary hurts me. It drains me of energy to be constantly in conflict with someone I don't want to argue with.

....
Well, that would be it for now. I hope this information will be any good, otherwise feel free to ask me anything.

Thanks for your help in advance

 

[Happyman]

You seem more 4w5ish to me, but instead of elaborating on what's my opinion on what you've written I'll let you solve it yourself.
Here are some areas you can check to determine:

1. 4s are in the 'feeling' triad '9s' are in the body/instinct triad - these differ quite a lot. Check it out.
2. Check the all-time-low situation for both types and check how's it with you: despair&going outcast vs. clinging on others. 9s will alienate their feelings and personality, 4s will drown in their feelings and self-hate.
3. Unhealthy 9s will have 1000 faces, each for a different person, 4s will clinge to their dark-imaginative self-image.
4. 9s live through other people, 4s live in their imagination. (again not the healthiest of both types).

Check these out and tell us what's the answer.

I'm a 4w5. Checking out the darkest areas of different types has helped me immensely to identify mine, so maybe it will help you too.

 

[milkyway2]

This helped me determine which one I was.


Nines and Fours can both be sensitive, creative, withdrawn and introverted and for these reasons can cross-type, although it is generally the Nine who mistypes as a Four or who is mistyped as a Four by others on the basis of these similarities. Nines, in particular, sometimes recognize that they are far less happy than they let on, and many Nines feel inadequate when depressed; they therefore think they must be Fours. The internal landscape of Fours is much darker than that of Nines however, who tend to see the best in others and who characteristically detach from strong emotions, especially strong unpleasant emotions. Nines are also not in search of an authentic self or the proper presentation of that self; they are generally somewhat oblivious to these concerns. Finally, Nines tend to relate well to a greater variety of people than do Fours, who often feel like misfits.

 

[Space_Oddity]

Thank you very much!

I checked it out and I'm definitely a 4w5, although a rather 'moderate' version I guess.

 

[BlackCat]

http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/953194-post1.html

 

[brainheart]

Space Oddity,

You sound substantially like me. I used to be the more extreme version of 4, which is what the descriptions typically like to portray. But, I too, have come to the realization (due to past shit-baggery on my part) that my feelings are not more important than the feelings of others. For that reason I also considered myself a potential nine. But I think that's just how a four is as they become more mature.

I think your instinctual variant can color it a bit, too, although I am not positive as to what mine is. A test I took said self-preservation followed by sexual. I'd assume with sp being my primary one I'd be more pragmatic, less dramatic than the sx or so type 4, but that's just my conjecture.

 

[tibby]

"If you read your enneagram description and feel not the need to vomit, it is not your description"

 

[Nobleheart]

You seem more 4w5ish to me, but instead of elaborating on what's my opinion on what you've written I'll let you solve it yourself.
Here are some areas you can check to determine:

1. 4s are in the 'feeling' triad '9s' are in the body/instinct triad - these differ quite a lot. Check it out.
2. Check the all-time-low situation for both types and check how's it with you: despair&going outcast vs. clinging on others. 9s will alienate their feelings and personality, 4s will drown in their feelings and self-hate.
3. Unhealthy 9s will have 1000 faces, each for a different person, 4s will clinge to their dark-imaginative self-image.
4. 9s live through other people, 4s live in their imagination. (again not the healthiest of both types).

Check these out and tell us what's the answer.

I'm a 4w5. Checking out the darkest areas of different types has helped me immensely to identify mine, so maybe it will help you too.

This is very insightful, thanks.

"If you read your enneagram description and feel not the need to vomit, it is not your description"

Hehe, I certainly had this reaction to reading type 4... a distinct sinking feeling.