7 + 4 {relationally}

[small.wonder]

I suppose this is a bit inspired by the type vs. type threads to discuss differences, but I'm interested in discussing relational combinations (platonic and/or romantic). The interaction between 4 and 7 has quite intrigued me of late in several incidences so I'd love to hear other stories or relational experiences with this combo (good or bad).

You can find Enneagram Institute's take on the general 4 + 7 relationship here.

As a 4, my experience with 7 female friends has been almost non-existent (even though I'm fond of a couple) because they frankly don't have time to know others or be known. There is one in particular who I volunteer alongside who is quite literally a social butterfly, I believe she's actually So-first. When she enters a room, she flits around it hugging and greeting people warmly but briefly. One week when she turned to hug me and say "how are you!" (as a statement, not an actual question), I simply said, "you know, I don't know you." I think it confused her at first, but the next week she understood and we actually made plans to hang out for the first time. I'm so glad we did because one-on-one or in a small group, she is so much more intentional and open. It has been a struggle to spend time with her since as she travels a lot for work and packs her schedule to the brim, so I've sort of just surrendered. Sad that.

My experience with male 7's has happily surprised me, though I'm totally aware that they probably have tenancies similar to my above female friend. There's an Sx-first 7w8 (I believe) that I've been getting to know who I've found so much common ground with so far. The main thing I respect about him is his independence, because it matches my own (if in a slightly different way). He does what he wants, says what he thinks and seems to never consider what others might think of it. A measure of this: no one ever approaches me in social settings because I have a tendency to close myself off, either alone or with whomever I'm talking to. This guy does! It's like he doesn't see the glass walls everyone else senses around me. It's not like he rudely shatters them either, he just walks over, very purposefully sits or stands by me and enters the conversation. There's nothing I appreciate more than someone who can approach me that way, it's like he shouldered the risk in the situation so I wouldn't have to. We share a love of adventure and the outdoors, and he actually does have his own sense of style. I've also noted an appreciation for beauty in him that I wouldn't have immediately guessed, though I suppose in a Sx-first 7 the point would be to experience and become one with the beauty-- and then move on. That's the part that I've been trying to keep at the forefront of my mind, I've been a bit more guarded that I normally am because I don't see the point in being vulnerable if he might just get distracted and move on. One other interesting thing, I've noticed we kind of connect at 5 a little-- his integration to it, and my heavy wing. I've realized right away not to analyze him though (this means no Enneagram talk, he knows what it is but doesn't want to be "boxed in"), which I'm fine with.

Well that's my two cents, anyone else care to share what the 4 + 7 relationship looks like?

 

[small.wonder]

Wow, really? No 7's or 4's to comment on the relational experience between the two?
[MENTION=17816]Lady[/MENTION]X and [MENTION=18819]nicolita[/MENTION], you are the only 7's I'm acquainted with to call on, fellow 4's might you lend your experiences as well? [MENTION=7140]brainheart[/MENTION] [MENTION=6561]OrangeAppled[/MENTION] [MENTION=18576]Sanjuro[/MENTION] [MENTION=4212]Peguy[/MENTION] [MENTION=8046]ayoitsStepho[/MENTION]

 

[Lady_X]

i totally will. i saw the thread earlier today but i'm currently irritated with the type 4 bf and won't do a good job atm.

edit: you can ask specific type 7 sx type relationship questions tho and i'll give you my take.

 

[chickpea]

my best friend is a 7w6, ENFP sx/so most likely. one of her main roles in my life is kinda as my social director. i've met a lot of people through her, and for some reason feel more comfortable in social situations when she's around. it was her idea to move to california, she asked if i was interested in moving out here with her and i pretty much immediately said yes and we planned everything and made it happen. she's not as flaky as some 7s but i would say i'm a lot more interested in depth than her. it's harder to keep her attention than mine.

a lot of our differences are just introvert/extrovert things though... we have a lot in common so we don't have many conflicts. i think we might have the same tritype too which could have a lot to do with it.

 

[HongDou]

Not ruling anything out but I don't think I could take on a 4 generally. There's this aura of seriousness to them that turns me off. Like (no offense intended but I gotta be honest with you) if I were that E7 girl you talked about I would have gotten pissed at you for killing my mood initially. I'd be like "wow you're really not gonna let me have my fun?" I also need someone more calmer and rational than I am and while 4 is more quiet and withdrawn they also have a high level of emotional energy that I couldn't deal with. They're also, naturally, very into themselves and I get that but they tend to throw pity parties for themselves and I usually perceive it as melodrama. I get easily frustrated with people who wallow in their melancholy and feel sorry for themselves and I tend to just escalate those feelings by making them feel worse about themselves. I have a habit of just taking digs at people who are annoying me just so they shut up and get out of my way. I guess it's sort of my way of being frustrated with that aura of negative emotion and trying to do away with it.

Again none of that was intended to be mean I just tried to be as honest as possible. You can ask me any questions too. If I had to say I had an "ideal" e-type it'd probably be 9w8.

 

[Elfboy]

I don't have much romantic experience with 4s, but my impression from over has been
4w3: hit and miss. the more mature ones have the productivity and can-do attitude of 3 coupled with the authenticity and personal flair of 4, but the less healthy ones struck me as histrionic drama queens.
4w5: cold and seething, almost hostile. 4w3 is saucier and more direct, but 4w5 is more biting, in a way similar to 5w6/6w5. for the most part, I don't feel comfortable around them and try to avoid them (which seems to be what they want me to do anyway).

my best friend is a 7w6, ENFP sx/so most likely. one of her main roles in my life is kinda as my social director. i've met a lot of people through her, and for some reason feel more comfortable in social situations when she's around. it was her idea to move to california, she asked if i was interested in moving out here with her and i pretty much immediately said yes and we planned everything and made it happen. she's not as flaky as some 7s but i would say i'm a lot more interested in depth than her. it's harder to keep her attention than mine.
a lot of our differences are just introvert/extrovert things though... we have a lot in common so we don't have many conflicts. i think we might have the same tritype too which could have a lot to do with it.

the difference between Social second and Social blindspot is also apparent here.

 

[Chad of the OttomanEmpire]

I don't claim to have in-depth experience with 7s, actually, but I tend to get along with the ones I have known. We sort of draw each others' loopiness out.

When I was a kid, my best friend was a 7w6 (prolly ESTP), and we were both sort of instigators in our own way. We always managed to get into ridiculous amounts of trouble using very normal, day-to-day components. Like stuff you wouldn't imagine would wind up getting us into trouble with the entire neighborhood (the time we tried to feed the abused neighbors' dog and wound up demolishing the kitchen and setting the two households off against each other, for instance).

Blows never really came to blows over 4-7 stuff, come to think of it. Actually, it was more about my sx-first instinct getting peevish if she had--gasp--other friends, which she did because she was not sx-first. That, and I was a socially awkward dork who punched her in the eye, and she left without comment as soon as she had less lame friends.

I do not jest.

I've had a friend who is...well, either a 7 or a 2 (I've known her over a decade and I still don't know her core type, but assuming she's a 7w6). She's also an ENFP, meaning our Ne-enriched loopiness just harmonizes. I'm by far the more realistic one, which tends to be where we come to blows, again. I try to tell her that her idea is bad and going to get us all killed, and I kind of poke holes in her balloons of syrupy goodness. She appreciates my wisdom but finds me irascible and negative, and too inclined to be "in a shell". However, she's conflict-averse, so we've never really fought about stuff.

My grandmother was also a 7, but I never had the chance to meet her till she was dying. I felt it was so sad that she avoided her problems enough that they killed her (she kept trying to "think" her pancreatic cancer away). She always supported me from afar, and was apparently a positive influence on everyone she met. I wish she could have been a bigger presence in my life, actually.

Other than that, I've had a 7 boss, who I actually liked a lot. I really admired his way of staying in charge of a classroom while maintaining equality and inclusion. This is something I cannot do. I was a bit intense and--apparently--combative for his tastes though, and he thought I was too sensitive to criticism. I felt that he was largely a responsible, protective boss, but overly willing to support the company when it turned against me. We weren't close, though.

Something I did notice about my boss was that he'd try to talk up how "awesome" everything was, and I'd tell him to cut the bullshit. That was kind of a funny dynamic, because he basically had to tell me I was right.

I haven't had any romantic relationships with 7s, which, unfortunately would be where my "real" 4 stuff starts to show. I imagine a 4-7 relationship could either be totally brilliant with each party stabilizing the other's neuroses and pulling the other through, or totally shit, where each party verbally abuses and degrades the other for being the way they are. Each would just sort of think the other was a pathetic baby who can't handle life. That sort of thing.

I am a 4w5. Hope that helps!!

 

[ayoitsStepho]

Let's be honest, right now I'm having trouble not punching a few 7's in the face who run around in my life. I have an unhealthy relationship with a few at the moment so it's a battle to not lash out and hurt them the way they have hurt me. I don't think I would do a good job of being impersonal about it right now.

 

[Luv Deluxe]

I've dated a 4w5 and I have a few friends who are Fours, so I might have some notes worth sharing.


- The romantic relationship was fine at first, but rapidly became strained.
! My 4w5 grew comfortable with me quickly (after about two months). He seemed very happy in this comfort as he described it, but I felt anxious the second he expressed these feelings. To me, "comfort" can become a slippery slope that leads to boredom, stagnancy, and taking each other for granted. I already sensed this was becoming the case; that initial, best-foot-forward stage was wearing off in a hurry.

! He was a romantic sort of guy, very serious. While I am happily monogamous in relationships, I don't like heaviness or pressure, preferring instead to simply enjoy the ride. We finally came to...not resent each other for these differences, but they did evolve into an obvious source of incompatibility. (He would eventually come to feel as though my affections toward him were shallow and fleeting compared to his own for me.)

! He was quite sensitive and reactive. I would try to be as well-meaning as I could with him, but if I ever failed to give something the proper amount of reverence, hard feelings would result. For example, he would regularly text me outpourings of affectionate things...while I was working (and not in an easy position to reply immediately or thoroughly). It was sweet, but increasingly predictable and seemingly needy; when my replies were brief, it would bother him - the poor guy felt rejected.

! I was often frustrated with his melancholic moods and the ways in which he dealt with them - by wallowing in those emotions, marinading like some morose, angry chicken in its teriyaki sauce of hate and despair. He was often frustrated with my natural highs and the ways in which I dealt with those - by laughing off my problems, running and running and running like a naked, coked-up co-ed who thinks every day is spring break. Well. Not that bad, but you know.

! I developed Wandering Eye Syndrome. I didn't act on it, choosing instead to bring the problem to my Four's attention. As I knew they would be, his feelings were hurt - very, very badly. Nobody could be blamed for the unfortunate situation, but deep down, I know that it was likely a high risk from the very beginning, with our personalities being what they are.

! When we did part ways, I healed and moved on easily. Within a week, perhaps, I was pretty much back at one hundred percent. The fallout had a much longer half-life in the Four.


- Having said all of that, I do have friendships with Fours that work.
! One of my female friends from college is a Four, and she's a ton of fun to hang out with. We fuel each other creatively, planning adventures and taking photographs and talking about the aesthetics of everything around us. She appreciates beauty, and together we can do silly things that many of my other friends might roll their eyes at. Like young girls playing dress-up, we invent bizarre, peacock-esque outfits, which we then wear for portrait sessions. When these sessions yield decent pictures, we talk technique and then go do it again.

! Fours can also be fantastic conversationalists. I love discussing abstractions with my friend, A., who is a Four musician. He's mellow but deep, and his thoughts have no bounds. We've killed hours talking about the hows and whys of everything, and I find his circle of artistic friends to be generally refreshing. They're different, they're happy to be different, and their honesty is all kinds of inspiring when we're all in a good mood.

! When Fours and I are stimulated by the same interests, we can stay up all night exploring them. It seems that we're both invested in establishing some kind of freedom, declaring our individuality, and examining the world from multiple perspectives. As long as we accept our differences, I don't have much difficulty maintaining friendships with Fours.


I think most of my hesitation with Fours comes from the melancholia and reactive temperament. I have an intense fear/dislike of negative mood. If someone walks into a room and they're unhappy, I feel it immediately, almost as if it were my own emotion. I don't want to feel that. At all. I become anxious, and the positive/negative war begins.

It may be important to mention that I seem to be a somewhat atypical Seven with regard to the whole social butterfly thing. I'm more of a lone wolf who takes people or leaves them based upon our dynamic and the evening's potential. I'm sexual-dominant, social-last.

 

[Amargith]

It's interesting...I had no idea that 7s were that 'hostile' towards negative vibes. It is a good thing you guys are aware of that fear within yourselves though.

I likely dated an 7w8 sx-so at some point. A fun, whirlwind of excitement. Adventure everywhere (ESTP so yeah...). All I had to do was follow along - and try to keep up. I loved him with all my heart, but realise now that we were really incompatible. We mostly had a connection through the sx-dom part of it. And yes..he hated sullen moods and sought to escape them in any way possible. I spent many a night soothing him after he had a particularly gruelling day at work. He worked like a beast and partied like an animal though - 3 shifts after one another, go dancing, only to pass out, sleep 4 hours and go again. Eventually he got into the habit of falling asleep when he was with me as he was...I think he was afraid to go home to an empty house and be alone, and well, I wasn't new and exciting but familiar and safe now. We dated for over a year but his eye started wandering quite a bit earlier, I was told. He stuck with me as long as he did because of my family - he had none of his own safe for a father who was a captain and out on sea 3 out of 4 weeks. My family and I became his anchor, for as long as he could stand to be stuck in that routine. Then he moved on.

 

[1487610420]

I've dated a 4w5 and I have a few friends who are Fours, so I might have some notes worth sharing.


- The romantic relationship was fine at first, but rapidly became strained.
! My 4w5 grew comfortable with me quickly (after about two months). He seemed very happy in this comfort as he described it, but I felt anxious the second he expressed these feelings. To me, "comfort" can become a slippery slope that leads to boredom, stagnancy, and taking each other for granted. I already sensed this was becoming the case; that initial, best-foot-forward stage was wearing off in a hurry.

! He was a romantic sort of guy, very serious. While I am happily monogamous in relationships, I don't like heaviness or pressure, preferring instead to simply enjoy the ride. We finally came to...not resent each other for these differences, but they did evolve into an obvious source of incompatibility. (He would eventually come to feel as though my affections toward him were shallow and fleeting compared to his own for me.)

! He was quite sensitive and reactive. I would try to be as well-meaning as I could with him, but if I ever failed to give something the proper amount of reverence, hard feelings would result. For example, he would regularly text me outpourings of affectionate things...while I was working (and not in an easy position to reply immediately or thoroughly). It was sweet, but increasingly predictable and seemingly needy; when my replies were brief, it would bother him - the poor guy felt rejected.

! I was often frustrated with his melancholic moods and the ways in which he dealt with them - by wallowing in those emotions, marinading like some morose, angry chicken in its teriyaki sauce of hate and despair. He was often frustrated with my natural highs and the ways in which I dealt with those - by laughing off my problems, running and running and running like a naked, coked-up co-ed who thinks every day is spring break. Well. Not that bad, but you know.

! I developed Wandering Eye Syndrome. I didn't act on it, choosing instead to bring the problem to my Four's attention. As I knew they would be, his feelings were hurt - very, very badly. Nobody could be blamed for the unfortunate situation, but deep down, I know that it was likely a high risk from the very beginning, with our personalities being what they are.

! When we did part ways, I healed and moved on easily. Within a week, perhaps, I was pretty much back at one hundred percent. The fallout had a much longer half-life in the Four.


- Having said all of that, I do have friendships with Fours that work.
! One of my female friends from college is a Four, and she's a ton of fun to hang out with. We fuel each other creatively, planning adventures and taking photographs and talking about the aesthetics of everything around us. She appreciates beauty, and together we can do silly things that many of my other friends might roll their eyes at. Like young girls playing dress-up, we invent bizarre, peacock-esque outfits, which we then wear for portrait sessions. When these sessions yield decent pictures, we talk technique and then go do it again.

! Fours can also be fantastic conversationalists. I love discussing abstractions with my friend, A., who is a Four musician. He's mellow but deep, and his thoughts have no bounds. We've killed hours talking about the hows and whys of everything, and I find his circle of artistic friends to be generally refreshing. They're different, they're happy to be different, and their honesty is all kinds of inspiring when we're all in a good mood.

! When Fours and I are stimulated by the same interests, we can stay up all night exploring them. It seems that we're both invested in establishing some kind of freedom, declaring our individuality, and examining the world from multiple perspectives. As long as we accept our differences, I don't have much difficulty maintaining friendships with Fours.


I think most of my hesitation with Fours comes from the melancholia and reactive temperament. I have an intense fear/dislike of negative mood. If someone walks into a room and they're unhappy, I feel it immediately, almost as if it were my own emotion. I don't want to feel that. At all. I become anxious, and the positive/negative war begins.

It may be important to mention that I seem to be a somewhat atypical Seven with regard to the whole social butterfly thing. I'm more of a lone wolf who takes people or leaves them based upon our dynamic and the evening's potential. I'm sexual-dominant, social-last.

Spoken like a true sensitive NF.

 

[Daenera]

they tend to throw pity parties for themselves

lol all u 7s just jelly 'cause that's one party you're not invited to

 

[Daenera]

I love 7s as friends, otherwise it never seem to get anywhere with them past the flirting phase , so can't contribute from personal experience, here: have some theory:

Type Four-Type Seven

Enneagram Fours and Sevens tend to be intrigued by each other since they are a generally a case of opposites attracting. Fours tend to be quiet, introverted, self-doubting, emotional, and pessimistic, while Sevens tend to be outgoing, extroverted, self-confident, mental, and optimistic. Sevens help Fours overcome shyness and a possible reluctance to try new experiences. Fours help Sevens stay focused on what they really want—and to respect and allow their feelings. Fours and Sevens bring to their relationship the charge and mystery of their differences—that they think so differently, react so differently, and find pleasure in such different ways. They can therefore become intrigued by the other, finding him or her endlessly fascinating, always ready with something new and unexpected.
Both Fours and Sevens bring a capacity for joy and ecstasy, spontaneity, emotion, and for passion. Both Fours and Sevens love lively conversation and they can pass hours sharing with each other detailed accounts of the events of the day as well as their thoughts and reactions. Both Fours and Sevens love the finer things of life, travel, good food, wine, clothes, and furnishings, and, for better or worse, both can tend to overspend their incomes on what they consider life's necessities—caviar, champagne, and another trip to Europe. They both have a love of the new and a sense of adventure and romance that can keep their relationship fresh and lively for themselves and be a source of joy and inspiration for others. Both types can be funny, irreverent, and entertaining. There is also an earthiness and bawdiness to both, as well as, paradoxically, a sophistication and elitism. Being opposites, Fours and Sevens can balance each other: Fours bringing a sense of depth and interiority, while Sevens contribute a sense of fun and emotional resilience.

Potential Trouble Spots or Issues

Because they are so different in many ways, Fours and Sevens must have several strong points of attraction or else they will likely miss connecting with each other. Unless some strong passion (romantic, mental, or spiritual) keeps them together, they are likely to fly apart if there are any deep disagreements or conflicts early in the relationship. Both types tend to be impulsive and to be easily frustrated with others when they are disappointed or if their life circumstances do not go as they expect. Both have high expectations for the kind of attention and quality of interactions they want from others, and if they are not forthcoming, both tend to not give others too many second chances to prove themselves. While Fours may admire and even secretly envy the Seven's resilience and high energy, they may also find themselves worn down by their fast-paced lives and what feels to Fours like the Seven's relentless plans and activities. Fours can see Sevens as too noisy, superficial, and insensitive-and occasionally coarse and insulting without realizing it.
On the other hand, Sevens may admire and try to imitate the Four's artistic flair, creativity, and appreciation of subtlety and beauty. But Sevens can also see Fours as hypersensitive, ineffectual, impractical, moody, and self-absorbed. In addition, if the relationship worsens, Fours usually become more withholding and hostile, sniping at the other from a safe distance. Sevens become more impatient, abrasive, and can be verbally abusive. Fours may want to talk about everything that has gone wrong with the relationship in great detail with the Seven. By contrast, Sevens typically want to move on to something more promising and upbeat. The result is that underlying problems do not get resolved adequately. Once this relationship curdles, virtually everything each admired and was attracted to in the other becomes irritating and insufferable.

 

[HongDou]

lol all u 7s just jelly 'cause that's one party you're not invited to

Except no. Who wants to go to a party where everyone is sad and no fun?! That's the thing I've learned about a lot of 4s I've met - the fact that they place so much effort on their identity and what's missing makes them kind of boring anyway. I mean, sort of in contrast to what [MENTION=13973]AntiheroComplex[/MENTION] was saying, I'm not going to instantly feel what you're feeling and connect with that if I know that your life has actually been pretty good and filled with good people and plenty to be thankful for. My empathy isn't earned by being unhappy, it goes more out to those who try to stay strong and not let life phase them and sometimes crack when life gets hard.

That said, when 4s are actually in better moods I find them really fun to interact with because I can just shoot out anything as weird as possible and they'll follow through with it. And they do have a lot of passionate things to say when they're not out romanticizing how they feel. So in that sense they're really not boring people when they're in a good mood. And after they warm up to me they'll start to be more self-assertive in social interaction which I like because I don't like being relied on to carry the conversation and always initiate it.

 

[small.wonder]

[MENTION=5418]Lady X[/MENTION]
No worries, thanks for being honest! I'm happy to wait to get both the positive and negative sides of your experience.
[MENTION=7991]chana[/MENTION] Oh, your experience seems familiar to me! The female 7 I mentioned has a introverted female 6 best friend, they operate in much the same way! Perhaps it's my 8-fix that keeps me from functioning that way?
[MENTION=17131]Chanaynay[/MENTION] No worries, I'm glad to have your perspective! My female 7 actually wasn't offended at all, just didn't speak my language at first. Once she realized I just wanted to know her better, and that I was uncomfortable with shallow affection from someone who didn't know me, she understood. Continuing to make time for an actual friendship though, is another story entirely and something I know is not feasible for her at the moment. I'm just glad to have gotten to know her a bit, and because of it I feel less awkward and am able to receive her when she greets me (because she actually knows me a bit now too). Give and take, you know?
[MENTION=5684]Elfboy[/MENTION] Haha, "cold and seething"! I love your descriptive words, and yes I can see that in my much less healthy self-- lower average levels probably, I did bite. The only time I act that way (even in social settings) now is when I actually feel insulted, or disrespected. You seemed to have a pretty good grasp on motivations and such, so I'm sure you realize those negative reactions of 4w5 are rooted in shame, fear and insecurity.
[MENTION=18576]Sanjuro[/MENTION] Too funny, my childhood best friend is a 7 too (w/8 to be specific)! Sidebar: Woah, I should totally talk to her about this whole topic, why did I not think of that! We got into shenanigans too, but the interesting thing is that we sort of juggled the leadership between us. I was guilty of the "what, other friends?" thing too, we actually had a third wheel tag-a-long friend (whom I believe is either 2w3 or 3w2) whom I was terrible to. It was probably out of territoriality towards my best friend, but it's not excuse-- I was way to honest about her annoying, clingy, cry-in-an-instant self. I have since appologized to her close to...10 times. At least a couple were in written form.

About your 7 or 2 friend, I haven't had the fool-hardy issue with 7's yet. That's either because I don't know enough of them, or because I'm actually pretty adventurous myself-- I don't act like an idiot, but fear doesn't really have a place in my life. I had a boss similar to yours too, but I can't decide if he was a 9w8 or a 7. He was pretty passive when it came to conflict, swept a lot of important business stuff under the rug, and did the same "don't you dare say everything on planet Earth isn't awesome" thing. *pop* Oooops.
[MENTION=8046]ayoitsStepho[/MENTION] Sorry to hear that, I hope those situations get better!

 

[small.wonder]

[MENTION=13973]AntiheroComplex[/MENTION] Wow, thanks for such detail! Perhaps your 4w5 was of the Sp-first variety, sounds a bit that way. Also maybe not very healthy, the clingy, long-winded text messages while you were at work sound like definite disintegration to 2 in my opinion. Which, yes, is super annoying and ick. I've been there, and never ever plan to return. I do think I'd tire a bit of the "laughing off my problems, running and running and running like a naked, coked-up co-ed who thinks every day is spring break. Well not that bad, but you know." if there was no emotional connection, or heart-to-heart after, between or during adventures.

The Wandering Eye Syndrome is something I've thought about quite a bit, especially because the way your scenario played out is exactly how I would feel if I'd let my walls down, shared my world, and then was left for the next thing. Ouch (this is why I've been so guarded with the 7w8 I mentioned). Though I do see why you deemed the relationship unhealthy and unsatisfying, and ultimately ended it. If I was with a 4 who behaved like that, so would I.

Your friendship experiences do reflect on what the draw between the two types is though-- as it surely is there! Thanks for being so detailed and expressive, I'll probably continue to read over your post and draw more from it as time goes.

[MENTION=5494]Amargith[/MENTION] :/ I can assume that took some time to heal from, but I hope you have. Thank you for sharing as I think your experience gives a lot of insight specifically to a 4 + 7 relationship when both are Sx-first.

[MENTION=6723]phobik[/MENTION] I'd love to hear your take as well!

[MENTION=17921]Daenera[/MENTION] Thanks, great minds think alike as I included a link to that in the OP.

 

[Lady_X]

your being sx will make all the difference i think.

plus you're infj not infp. so you don't personalize everything as much...idk...infjs can be pretty sensitive too tho.

hmm... just 7's are not as sensitive as 4's

it's not that we can't be sensitive but we do not take everything personal at all.

you may not either but right now...that's what is irritating me...about the bf

 

[pinkgraffiti]

oh, i can answer questions too. i'm a 7 in a relationship with a 4 (but don't ask me to write mountains of text/start topics etc)

 

[hjgbujhghg]

I get along the best with 7s. I am not sure if it has something to do with being 4, or the fact how very strong my 7 fix is. I get along with them the best, because everytime I feel depressed they make it all look much less tragic and actually can really make me laugh. Everytime I feel like drowning in my own self and thoughts they pull me out and get me back to earth and other people. They function like the brake when my feelings become overwhelming. I need them to make me laugh and to help get out of my shell, to show more perspectives of life. And I adore them for their creativity, inovation and open mind... I've never met more creative and inspiring people, than 7s.

 

[Lady_X]

from my perspective...i never get it. the type 4's wahh life sucks shit. i just don't.. i look a their life and think you ungrateful lil bastard...look at all that you have??!! and their complaints about them self...also...like wtf are you talking about?? there's nothing wrong

so...that is potentially a super uncomplimentary dynamic.

i'm sure 4's very much just want us to relate but instead we're (i'm) like....but...but...it's all freakin made up!! and you need to get over it!