I have another question.
I know it's outwardly different and I'm seriously considering 3w4 as my core. What would be the differences between 3w4 and 8w9? I know the main motivations of those 2 types are different but what shows the difference in motivations? What can be seen from each of the listed type that reflects their motivations?
I.e. 3w4 shame and 8w9 rage, what shows?
the difference to me is that 3 has two tangible levels, and inner and an outer. the outer is not concerned, but the inner is concerned. it is vulnerable. the outside is a veneer. the inside only is self, what they want to be. the outside is what they think they should be.
8 has one level. it vulnerable, because it is pure self. it is what they want to be. there is no layer of what others think they should be, even though there might be a shell of protection from harm. it's like if you walk barefoot often, the skin on the soles of your feet becomes harder. they are still your feet, bare and pure, but they have developed protection.
whereas 3 wears a shoe. a very nice, carefully chosen, representative shoe. but it is not the true foot. in the case of 3w4, it's going to be a shoe that is chosen to match the wearer's personal interests. its colors and patterns will all be representative of the self. it will reflect who the wearer is and wants to be. the 3w2 shoe will be more trendy, more suited to the environment.
in terms of feeling people, 3s are more glossy. 8s are more powerful. a 3 can be dominant but the inner layer is tangible when you get to know them, and sometimes it shows in how they are hurt when the self is insulted. a 3 might get angry outwardly when hurt, but inside they get sad. they may also get angry because someone made them feel that sadness they try so hard to deny. you can often see that. an 8 may get sad about other things in life, but they will rarely get sad about their
self, because they are already being who they want to be. they will get angry, instead, when others hurt them. they may get sad about the relationship or the general state of things, but they will not lament their self because it is already being extraverted. the 3 will lament the self.
8's problem is that they are too concerned with what they
want to be; 3's that they are too concerned with what they
should be. 8 will sacrifice what could be for the extraversion of the self - they alter their environments to make room for themselves, but they have to steel their self because they are doing that. 8's problem is that his callus gets so hard that he sometimes cannot even feel the ground.
for a 3w4, it will not be very clear that the "should" comes from anywhere but the self (and it does come from the self), but it is often an inner manifestation of external values. a 3w4 friend of mine has been trying to make his father proud for years and years, even though it usually appears that he is unconcerned with what most others think. except, that is, when he himself chooses and values a person - he is very concerned, for example, about what his mentors think of him. he hand-picked them because they are representatives of what he wants to become. 3's problem is that the shoe is not him. his foot has rarely felt the pure joy of feeling the ground, even though sometimes the sole is thin enough that he thinks he knows.
so they are similar, 3 and 8, because they both have the problem of not being able to feel the ground. they're both overly assertive and egocentric, they both can accidentally trample others as they deny their feelings. but they can't feel the ground for very different reasons - the 8 puts the true self out there and then is forced to protect - and protects it too much - while the 3 hides the self.
i know more about 3s than 8s in general, though.
here is this, from enneagraminsititute, as well. i think they place an overemphasis on public acclaim for 3s that will be more readily related to by 3w2 than 3w4. 3w4 only cares about the opinions of those they handpick.
Misidentifying Threes and Eights
Threes and Eights are both assertive (PT, 433-36), although the confusion between them centers on the competition found in average Threes and a similar competitiveness in average Eights.
In general terms, both Eights and Threes are ambitious and competitive: both types want to rise above others. The difference is that average Eights are self-assertive and want others to give them their way immediately so they do not have to waste time and energy fighting with people–not that they are afraid to do so. Eights compete for material and sexual dominance, less over purely social or status issues. For instance, Eights usually do not spend a lot of time comparing themselves with others, and certainly never to the degree that Threes do. For the same reason that Threes confuse themselves with Sevens and Fives (because they are looking for a flattering identity), it is far more likely that Threes identify themselves as Eights rather than vice versa.
Despite some superficial similarities, the differences are profound: Eights are leaders, deal makers, and power brokers who want to make the world conform to their personal vision. They want to have a large impact, to build and accomplish great things, possibly something that will live as a testament to the greatness of their audacity and will. Strong and implacable, they can be ruthless when something or someone gets in their way. They have large egos, and achieving some form of glory is important to them. Money is both a form of power and a means to amass more of it. Achieving personal power is the dominating drive in Eights, and there is nothing ambiguous, much less furtive or duplicitous, about them.
By contrast, power is not the key motive of Threes; achieving success and prestige and basking in the admiring attention of others is. (By contrast, Eights do not care about popularity; they do not care about the goodwill of others, so long as they get their way.) If Eights are natural leaders, Threes are natural managers and technicians. If Eights do not fear failure as such, Threes fear failure deeply because they see it as a personal humiliation, a potential occasion for being rejected, their deepest fear. By contrast, Eights see failure as an opportunity to learn something and come back stronger. If Eights are too busy achieving their purposes to worry about public opinion, Threes live and die on the opinions of others and desperately want to be in demand socially. If average Eights are combative and intimidating and can "take the heat", despite a certain bravado, average Threes will back down or be driven to deviousness: they cannot take pressure for long or exposure for a moment. In short, even average Eights are the "genuine article," whereas average Threes are an imitation of it. Contrast Eights such as Telly Savalas and John Wayne with Threes such as Sylvester Stallone and Burt Reynolds.