hello people
I discovered the enneagram two years ago, I first typed myself, but got confused. I think Im something 1, 4, 5, 6 or 9. But the internet descriptions are all somehow inaccurate and they all tell something else. I read two books about the enneagram, I seemed to identify myself with the intentions of type 2, wanting to be loved, admired, manipulating people in liking me, but Im really not the helper type, and Im somehow a bit antisocial.
Some input from me which maybe helps to figure it out?
What first comes in my mind when I would have to describe my "peculiarities" is that Im veeery distant toward others. But if I really really like someone Ill get clingy. I somehow have a great fear of losing someone, dissapointing someone, I think that I dont deserve to be loved if Im not perfect. So if someone I love tells me that Ill do something wrong, I will work it out, if it doesnt work out the first time I will probably begin to cry, feel guilty.
Im really sensitive but I try to not show it. In groups I often say mean things ot something that is shallow as hell, but I think I do this to hide my oversensitivity.
I feel smothered very easily, if Im staying too long with the same person I find the need to distance and withdraw into another group. So in school; I often were the kid who went from group to group.
I think Im hypersensitive; Im sensitive to touch, to noise and things a like. I cant stand it If Im touched without me really wanting it. I hate that, I also hate crowds.
I get nervous if an emotional reaction is expected, I dont like it if people expect me to tell or show them how I feel. And it also seems like no one really knows me (even if I tell them everything from my past what I can think of) and I think thats because I always keep my real feelings and thoughts to myself.
The other side of my personality is that I always appear to be a thinker (to others), I have teachers telling me that I have a male brain, that Im an analytical, logical thinker, that my questions are very good and that my point of view is .."different", but definitely true. Im kind of naturally intelligent, especially in subjects like chemistry, biology and maths.
But altough Im rather doing well in school, school makes me feel anxious and stressed. I always have fear that Ill forget something and to dissapoint teachers that I like. I had so much stress that I broke down crying for a few days. But that was because I nearly had no alone time for myself, school pressure and christmas pressure. I like to assure that everything is done and that nothing is forgotten.
I dont know what else I could say, Id hope somebody could tell me what they think?
I discovered the enneagram two years ago, I first typed myself, but got confused. I think Im something 1, 4, 5, 6 or 9. But the internet descriptions are all somehow inaccurate and they all tell something else. I read two books about the enneagram, I seemed to identify myself with the intentions of type 2, wanting to be loved, admired, manipulating people in liking me, but Im really not the helper type, and Im somehow a bit antisocial.
Some input from me which maybe helps to figure it out?
What first comes in my mind when I would have to describe my "peculiarities" is that Im veeery distant toward others. But if I really really like someone Ill get clingy. I somehow have a great fear of losing someone, dissapointing someone, I think that I dont deserve to be loved if Im not perfect. So if someone I love tells me that Ill do something wrong, I will work it out, if it doesnt work out the first time I will probably begin to cry, feel guilty.
Im really sensitive but I try to not show it. In groups I often say mean things ot something that is shallow as hell, but I think I do this to hide my oversensitivity.
I feel smothered very easily, if Im staying too long with the same person I find the need to distance and withdraw into another group. So in school; I often were the kid who went from group to group.
I think Im hypersensitive; Im sensitive to touch, to noise and things a like. I cant stand it If Im touched without me really wanting it. I hate that, I also hate crowds.
I get nervous if an emotional reaction is expected, I dont like it if people expect me to tell or show them how I feel. And it also seems like no one really knows me (even if I tell them everything from my past what I can think of) and I think thats because I always keep my real feelings and thoughts to myself.
The other side of my personality is that I always appear to be a thinker (to others), I have teachers telling me that I have a male brain, that Im an analytical, logical thinker, that my questions are very good and that my point of view is .."different", but definitely true. Im kind of naturally intelligent, especially in subjects like chemistry, biology and maths.
But altough Im rather doing well in school, school makes me feel anxious and stressed. I always have fear that Ill forget something and to dissapoint teachers that I like. I had so much stress that I broke down crying for a few days. But that was because I nearly had no alone time for myself, school pressure and christmas pressure. I like to assure that everything is done and that nothing is forgotten.
I dont know what else I could say, Id hope somebody could tell me what they think?