more meaningful that middle-class life in a developed country, anyway.
You've verbalised my core fear. Your post haunted me all night, that's what I'm running from. The lifeless ordinary. To live that house in the burbs life is like being a member of the undead. I was offered an overtime duty today that would have seen me pocket an extra $600 for the week after tax. I turned it down, clearly money alone is no motivator for me. Its a just a necessary evil.
Back to [MENTION=7647]Lux[/MENTION], post...brainstorming. There's a shitload of things I could do, even things I'm interested in. There is no end to the things that interest me. But for now I'll focus on the things I already know I can do....
Writing - I've already proven I can focus long enough to complete an entire novel. Already written one from start to finish and it only took me 3 months working about 1hr a day. The kicker for me here has always been topic. Fiction plots are kind of hard to come by, especially with my lazy focus right now. I dont think I can write non-fiction because I tend to be verbose and preachey when talking about reality. Like most INTJs actually. Its only when I am searching for a lyrical way to depict a scene that my writing has any life at all. Fiction it must be.
Comedy - difficult to believe but I am skilled at this and I like performing. But my comedy only works in a live format. I can't seem to get the same punch via written language. A lot of my comedy comes down to situation context and facial expressions. In writing the same joke just sounds bitchy. Possibly why I come off on here the way I do, extremely darkminded and jaded. The thing is my comedy is industry specific, I can have other people in my industry laughing because they are exposed to the same things I am and get it. I'm not so sure the general public would.
Music - I play an instrument. Its such a soul soother to play. I also love to compose although I'm an absolute retard with musical notation I have a good ear. i cant claim to be skilled at my instrument because I tend to just tinker rather than seriously develop skill. But I am a very fast learner and could develop my skill given enough focus. I never had the oppotunity to learn an instrument of my choice as a child but went right out and bought my beloved instrument as an adult. Refusing to let lack of opportunity hold me back. I will never part with it now.
Art - I can use pastel, watercolour and acrylics with some degree of skill and I love to create beauty. Although I have to say by far metalwork is my favourite medium. I love creating tiny things in metal, hence the reason why I went ahead and did a jewellery course. I have all the equipment and even sold my work for a period of time. It became frustrating to me though when my art became about production and number of pieces sold. I just loved the act of turning bits of metal into beautiful things. I love to sit at a bench for hours rearranging bits of metal into complex filigree. I love soldering them and then spending hours polishing something into a high luster. I loved sitting there sanding the metal by hand until it took on a glassy facade and I was teaching myself chasing as well. I made all my own chasing tools and enjoyed the methodical process of hammering out shapes in sheet. Long tedious processes is what I enjoy most. I can lose myself for days in them. I especially wanted to emulate ancient celtic art and jewellery works which to this day amaze me with their skill in both design and execution. I still wish to attain that level of mastery with basic tools.
Sewing - I've sewn since I was 8, but its only in the past few years I taut myself pattern making and am now free to design anything I choose. I do create a lot of my own clothes. I'm most fascinated by hisntorical wear though and a lot of my clothes are modern adaptations of historical garb. For example I'm creating a bunch of shirts for myself out of silk voile based loosely on elizabethan shirts. They have modern sleeves and more modern proportions so they dont look like costumes but still have that romantic volume and beautiful detailing. The thing is, I hate machine sewing. I've discovered I adore hand sewing everything. I am currently hand sewing a quilt and all of my shirts. Not one seam is machine stitched and all of the seams are finished so meticulously that you could wear the shirts inside out even. Its the perfection in the long process that floats my boat. I love to sit for hours on end in meditative stance stitching a perfectly straight seam with tiny beautiful stitches. The completion is less important than the skill in creation. There is nothing better than wearing a completely handstitched garment. I don't think fashion design would be my thing because its the handsewing I love. Pattern making just gives me more freedom and a better fit than using commercial patterns does. I spent a whole year making historical corsetry and handsewing all 56 eyelets on each one. Thats the kind of project I adore. Still intend on handsewing an 18th century court gown just for the hell of it.
Landscaping - using permaculture principles only. I'm a sucker for a rambling country garden and do not abide the modern gardening techniques. Give me real dirt, some chickens and some seed and I will grow you Giverny. Thats my kind of thing. I love old world, heritage plants, i love composting,caring for the soil and attending to an ecosystem. I love how one small change can bring health and vitality to a whole system, i love watching the insects in the garden, the small animals, and all the plants weave their wonderful symphony together over the course of a year. The natural cycle of life is what I adore, this earth is magnificent and I just wish we could all find our place within it rather than imposing our will on it. There's nothing I love more than to wake up in the morning, grab a coffee and wander aimlessly around a garden in my PJ's looking at what grew and changed overnight. I could waste half a day doing just that. Time with my hands in dirt is time well spent. Mother nature is my mentor, and I enjoy learning from her.
There has to be something in all of this. Some amazing little niche into which I can ensconce myself and create something beautiful. I rather fancy I was born to run a country estate, the lack of any such thing in my country is a big hurdle to that fantasy. I could always create it and I suppose thats what my permaculture project is loosely based on and working towards. But I've always held a core belief I am here to do something amazing....if only I could discover what that was.