I highly doubt that. I know two "successful" so/sp, and living their lives would totally kill me - so boring. They're also often asking themselves why they can't get a girlfriend - and I know exactly why. Of course, you can't have it all, but I really don't envy them.
I've seen just the opposite. I've worked with many sx lasts, and whenever the subject of relationships comes up they either seem totally disinterested in the idea, or they just simply don't think about it in my experience. One girl I worked with who was an so/sp sticks out to me in this regard. She told me that she is rarely interested in anyone for relationships, and the two she's been in she just couldn't do it. The intimacy was too much for her, she said she felt like she just didn't belong in relationships; and that she was just happier with working and going to college.
When I look at it in an objective sense like you do I know that it would suck for me to be any different. But I just wish I could turn it off sometimes.
yeah. When I read the last few days of matches with the online dating thing, I was just, "gaaaa." Lots of great guys, but almost none who gave me any sort of charge when I read what they had written. Boring and then depressing. My Ne "hopefulness" ("What's around the river bend?") is constantly battling with the depth of need of the intimacy/charge desire, which seems too large to ever be satiated ("I'll never find anyone who will be able and willing to go as deep as I need").
My autonomy sense also battles with it. Last night when I was walking, I felt like I kept orbiting around and around -- feeling completely alone in the world because there was no way I think I can ever meet someone who can connect with me to the depth I desire, yet then saying, "Why do I need anyone? I'm free to do what I want, I can take care of myself, I don't 'need' anyone to survive, I'll be fine," and then ten seconds later feeling alone in the universe again and finding it almost unendurable, and then back around AGAIN... and AGAIN... and AGAIN. Makes my head spin sometimes.
I wish I was satisfied with less. The craving only seems to bring disappointment. I'm not sure why people can't find SOME kind of lover/partner, it seems pretty easy if you just put yourself out there and have some level of social skills; it's simply that I'm not happy at all in relationships that are not very far from surface. That's why many of the guy profiles were excruciating for me to read; they're much more focused on tangible, physical measures of success and seem content with that.
Oh my god so much this. I relate to every word. I'll hop on OkCupid and see quiver matches who are supposedly an 80% match and I'm thinking "Wow, what an uninteresting person!" I feel the same about relationships too. It just seems so easy to get into one for a lot of people, but then I realize what these are based off of and it just pisses me off even more at the subject.
As for the bolded paragraph... welcome to my daily life!
I could write a book about how much I relate to this lol. But I'll spare you...
I confess sx-firsts do seem wound a little too tightly to me and appear easily stressed. I'm more go with the flow and will just shrug my shoulders at things that other people get rather worked up over. I think this projects the sort of serenity that you are talking about; however it can be a superficial kind. It's important to me not to make waves and let the inner turbulence surface too much, so I will usually smile and be pleasant even when I'm feeling upset or uneasy. However, this can also work to subdue the inner emotions a fair amount (eg. feigning that I'm coping can make it easier to cope). Even so, I would say we can seem happier than we really are - only instead of a desperate longing for the things I desire, I experience more of a lingering emptiness that I wish to fill.
I always was curious if sx lasts perceived the same thing that I did, as they do seem to have some void inside of them. Some of them don't really seem to want to fill it at all.
So... what. You worry about belonging/status/the community instead or your financial situation/job/health? You think people who worry about these things are more content? It's just a different hang up, that's all.
Absolutely not actually... Being sx/sp I'm both concerned with relationships AND my own personal safety. I'm actually not concerned with community and status at all, lol, but wanting to belong is a universal 9 desire so I relate to that one. But yeah it does seem to be a different hang up overall. It's just a weird one, since a lot of the stuff that they worry about is just another part of my life but not really as important. Self pres is great and all but not really something to get obsessed over and make number one IMO.
I don't demonize those with sx last, I just have difficulty finding a way to interact, or stuff that we have in common. I like feeling something strong when I interact with someone; if I don't feel that, I withdraw or move on. But I know what you mean. I get disenchanted and if I don't have something to light me up, I get pretty blah and depressed, too. I need to get out my current malaise, but the trick is how do I do that without chucking the good as well as the bad?
Well your first instinct in the enneagram is usually the one you'll struggle with most in your life, because your related expectations are too high and often impossible to achieve.
I can see that, makes sense.
To me, Sx-firsts tend to fall in love quickly and fall out of love just as quickly. Since they're passion-driven and have huge expectations they tend to idealize the people they have strong feelings for, and the return to Earth is often brutal - especially since they're often attracted to people they have little in common with.
They typically have no problem entering a relationship as they know their game, but they have major issues staying interested in the same person on the long term.
A lesson for me has been learning the difference between infatuation and love. Most of the things you're saying may apply more to sx/so, but with the sp being second I want to be safe and maintain a sense of autonomy, and I'm usually on the lookout for people who would prevent these things despite whatever other parts I'm attracted to about them. I'm always trying to measure relationships up to what I truly want versus what's practical, and both must line up for me. The process is a bit different for me...
Sx-lasts on the other hand seem to be more rational when it comes to intimacy. They get fewer relationships, but each has a higher chance of being lifelong.
While this sounds true in theory I think it can go either way. Some of them seem like the 40 year old virgin types, while some of them seem to almost always be in relationships (yet they are based off of on the surface traits). Maybe more of an NT thing you're describing?