Eileen
New member
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2007
- Messages
- 2,179
- MBTI Type
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 6?
Hmm. I don't love your example because I don't like to compare INTJs to alcoholic (abusive?) fathers.
However, from my point of view, I don't see why data has to constantly be coming in to understand what's going on. You can focus on established patterns. "Okay, this person seems to be interested in talking to me, but then they occasionally retreat for a week or so. However, they always reappear, so they aren't speaking to me now because it is their time to retreat."
This seems a lot more logical than thinking, "OH NOES! He didn't answer my phone call. He's mad at me!" It just rings of insecurity, and INTJs don't do well with dealing with other people's insecurities.
Ahh, this reminds me of the affair I had with an INTJ. Honestly, I really did try to understand his behavior as his inevitable retreat time. Sometimes that worked. The problem was that the pattern was physical intimacy, then retreat. It was a miserable pattern that I struggled to understand for way too many months. Quite frankly, at the end of the day, I can't really get past the idea that this particular expression of independence and need for retreat seemed pretty selfish and hurtful. I recognize that INTJs are way less concerned than INFJs about what comes across as selfish and hurtful, but seriously man. Ouch. I gave this dude TONS of space, lots of ocean all around him... but I always felt like I was doing all the giving/fulfilling of his needs. When I finally decided that it was over, he did tell me that there WAS emotional intimacy on his end, but... I was never able to recognize it if there was. Maybe he did try to give and I didn't know how to receive what he offered. Hell. I don't know. It's all very regrettable.