Very interesting insights, entropie! Out of curiosity, since you're with an INFJ, do you find your girlfriend balances you, or handles the emotional checkbook, as a friend of mine refers to it? Do you find yourself sharing emotions or being vulnerable only when absolutely necessary? How do you feel closeness to others? By sharing ideas? By being there for each other?
It's a miracle with my gf, I've never seen such an ability in a person ever in my life. She lives in a pretty idealistic and good world. She has dragged me into her world and now I am part of it. There are several things in speech she is allergic too and it always makes sense what she says, it's like she has found the perfect friendly way to realize communication between people. You know this show Dharma and Greg, that's me and her.
She's an idealist thru and thru and because she's a J she has this little perceptions and things she thinks about you are feeling at the moment. She for example tells me I am grumpy and I dont feel that way, then she gives evidence and 10 minutes later I realize I am grumpy ( or I dont realize
).
This Ni with a conviced ( J ) Fe combo, creates an emotional environment and bond between us all the time; the emotional environment is like the only thing there is for her, she doesnt even know how to apply cold logic or how to be phlegmatic in ones feelings.
This makes things very easy for me, but she has her major rules too of course. I was living alone and moved in with her and its the same thing like you described. We both have common hobbies but own hobbies too and she wants that we do these together and we do that.
The thing about me being discontinous with my self has given me the opportunity in life to adapt like a chamaeleon to new situations. And because I love her it was easy for me to change a lot and develop a new person from the old one. It's like a constant quest in life for self-actualization and improvement, about learning and growing, I like that very much and I am already getting my first grey hairs in the deep black mane what lets me look kinda distinctive and is a perfect reflection of a process of growth I have been thru since I met my girl.
My girl and me are very temeperamental beings so conflict doesnt stay with us for too long. We needed a lot of time till we balanced out the inharmoniousness there was between us in the beginning. We clashed often and ended our relationship over ten times and then found back to each other again.
I really do love her for her sensitive side that is not too sensitive and does only show for me. Meaning most of the time she's very tough and to the point, but I know her sensitive side. She became more calm over the years with me, I can bring her balance and regime. She wants that often, but when it comes to an overall look on our relationship we conduct a modern relationship of equality.
I think she loves me, because there's deep down a person I've always been and will always be. I have been thru so many universes in life, met so many people but the core never changed. I'ld type her to be a enneagram 6 and maybe that's what defines us. I love her sense for integrity and sense for totalitarism, meaning she does things always 100% and that gives me trust, security and stability.
I had on the weekend the sad duty to accompany her to Northern France ( she's from France ) to the funeral of her grandfather. This was the saddest thing I did so far in my life but I stood at her side. I was later that day given a huge compliment by her family: tho I speak no word in frensh and they dont speak english, they said I openly tried to communicate with them and respected all their rituals and habits. That was a thing they didnt witness often and they already had some experience with the german side of the family.
That was a huge compliment to me, I took with great pride and I think it plays a pivotal role in understanding our relationship, since she being an abstract mind compared with her french heritage has always been somewhat out of the loop where she was living, I sometimes have the ability to connect dimensions with each other.