Ene
Active member
- Joined
- Aug 16, 2012
- Messages
- 3,574
- MBTI Type
- iNfj
- Enneagram
- 5w4
^Well, let's just look at the doorslams/closes in my life, to clarify.
The people I've cut out:
1. The Door Slams:
A literary "fan" who sent me a polite email and we ended up talking on Skype for a while. At first, he was this really cool older gentleman who had worked for the government and enjoyed science fiction and writing. But after a few weeks into our friendship, he turned stalker who sent me countless emails about sex and wanted me to mail him my underwear and told me, "I know where you work." My mistake? I was nice to him and congenial because he was a "fan." He even contacted my workplace and every time I'd change my email, he'd find me. He was thoroughly convinced that I was some sort of pre-cognitive, clairvoyant that had been chosen by the "aliens" to use me to help him start a new religion and establish a colony on Pluto. I'm sorry, but yeah...I couldn't continue to have contact with him. I'm a teacher. I felt his craziness was not only a threat to me, but to my students, as well. Then there was the dude in California who emailed me and told me that he was John Lennon reincarnated and that he had been reading my work and was absolutely certain that the two of us were to start a new "movement." Yeah, I told him to get lost. A crazy cat woman who developed a fetish with me that made every Stephen King novel you've ever read seem all too real. I didn't want to end up a captive in her basement or something.
2. The friend who attached herself to me and started buying me gifts, who felt I was supposed to use my education and position to fund a daycare that she wanted to start because God had told her that I was "the one." She called me at work. She called me at home. She wanted to know who I ate with and why I ate with them and not with her. She said I was "aloof." I actually allowed her to come over and she started talking about the apocalypse and how we were going to have to go out west and live in a cave when it "all came down." She was very emotional and touchy feely and an hour spent with her made me feel like I was physically ill, so I sort of just kept making myself "unavailable." Then the day came when she called me and told me that if I didn't help her that God would never have a use for me. Needless to say, I started ignoring her calls after that. I simply didn't have the time or the energy to deal with that. I know she wasn't insane on purpose, but she needed professional help and I wasn't qualified to give it to her.
The Door Closings:
4, The friend who was simply "too busy" to miss me when I was gone. I never actually closed the door on her. I simply stopped calling her and I figured that if she wanted to hang out she knew my number. Fifteen years have gone by and she hasn't felt the need to call me. If I see her on the street or in a store, I still talk to her and am nice to her, but I don't call her and I don't go over there. I'm still here. The door swings both ways. If she feels the need to rekindle anything...here I am. If not, I'm not going to hunt her down.
5. A church where I used to go that I felt was becoming a cult. I had to walk out on a lot of friends then, but it is better to walk out free than to stay and be brainwashed into blindly following a man, which is what I was afraid of.
So, no the people, I closed the door on weren't purposely draining, but they were draining nevertheless and sometimes, you just have to walk away. I've never just walked out on someone without a valid, legitimate reason. Hurting my feelings isn't a valid reason, but threatening my survival or that of people I care about, even if it's just mentally, emotionally and physically draining like the Apocalyptic friend, it's still too stressful to maintain.
The people I've cut out:
1. The Door Slams:
A literary "fan" who sent me a polite email and we ended up talking on Skype for a while. At first, he was this really cool older gentleman who had worked for the government and enjoyed science fiction and writing. But after a few weeks into our friendship, he turned stalker who sent me countless emails about sex and wanted me to mail him my underwear and told me, "I know where you work." My mistake? I was nice to him and congenial because he was a "fan." He even contacted my workplace and every time I'd change my email, he'd find me. He was thoroughly convinced that I was some sort of pre-cognitive, clairvoyant that had been chosen by the "aliens" to use me to help him start a new religion and establish a colony on Pluto. I'm sorry, but yeah...I couldn't continue to have contact with him. I'm a teacher. I felt his craziness was not only a threat to me, but to my students, as well. Then there was the dude in California who emailed me and told me that he was John Lennon reincarnated and that he had been reading my work and was absolutely certain that the two of us were to start a new "movement." Yeah, I told him to get lost. A crazy cat woman who developed a fetish with me that made every Stephen King novel you've ever read seem all too real. I didn't want to end up a captive in her basement or something.
2. The friend who attached herself to me and started buying me gifts, who felt I was supposed to use my education and position to fund a daycare that she wanted to start because God had told her that I was "the one." She called me at work. She called me at home. She wanted to know who I ate with and why I ate with them and not with her. She said I was "aloof." I actually allowed her to come over and she started talking about the apocalypse and how we were going to have to go out west and live in a cave when it "all came down." She was very emotional and touchy feely and an hour spent with her made me feel like I was physically ill, so I sort of just kept making myself "unavailable." Then the day came when she called me and told me that if I didn't help her that God would never have a use for me. Needless to say, I started ignoring her calls after that. I simply didn't have the time or the energy to deal with that. I know she wasn't insane on purpose, but she needed professional help and I wasn't qualified to give it to her.
The Door Closings:
4, The friend who was simply "too busy" to miss me when I was gone. I never actually closed the door on her. I simply stopped calling her and I figured that if she wanted to hang out she knew my number. Fifteen years have gone by and she hasn't felt the need to call me. If I see her on the street or in a store, I still talk to her and am nice to her, but I don't call her and I don't go over there. I'm still here. The door swings both ways. If she feels the need to rekindle anything...here I am. If not, I'm not going to hunt her down.
5. A church where I used to go that I felt was becoming a cult. I had to walk out on a lot of friends then, but it is better to walk out free than to stay and be brainwashed into blindly following a man, which is what I was afraid of.
So, no the people, I closed the door on weren't purposely draining, but they were draining nevertheless and sometimes, you just have to walk away. I've never just walked out on someone without a valid, legitimate reason. Hurting my feelings isn't a valid reason, but threatening my survival or that of people I care about, even if it's just mentally, emotionally and physically draining like the Apocalyptic friend, it's still too stressful to maintain.