As a sp/so, I wish for a close connection with someone, be it friendship or romantically. Trouble is, finding a close connection with people, at least where I come from, is rare at most. A lot of people that I've been friends with went off and did their own things, they don't live where they went to high school. Likewise, people I've went to college with, there were a few that I was close to, but I kind of didn't feel like I belonged in other people's social circles. Since I'm pretty much on my own (albeit still living with parents), I've learned to be self-sufficient. Self-preserving/social variant out of necessity. If I yearned to be in close relationships with others, then I'd set myself up for disappointment if the feeling wasn't mutual.
But to answer your questions:
Merging with others, what does it mean to you?
Sharing common values, deep conversations, revealing your true self without judgment, feeling that tight bond between two people as if it is a knot joining your souls together.
It's generally the Sx domain but how do non-Sx's have deep, emotive relationships where there is a tight, close bond with the other person?
Other than being self-revealing without shame or guilt that the other person will judge you, there's the emotional vulnerability too, where you can share your deepest passions and flights of fantasy with the other person, and having them understand where you are coming from. I suppose a deep close bond with another person is enduring over time, they don't leave you because you're not good enough to be with them. You both can be yourself with each other.
Do you even want that kind of connection?
Yes, very much so. Unfortunately, it's rare to find. By necessity, I've had to be a bit more self-reliant and self-sufficient. Not everyone wants to be close to everyone. In school, I dealt with a lot of superficial relationships. Was difficult to merge with others... not sure why... maybe it was cos I was afraid of getting hurt (was bullied and teased in school), or it could be because I didn't quite fit in.
And how can you achieve that (without alcohol)?
Over time, knowing that I can put my trust in the other person, that being emotionally vulnerable with them won't end up with a knife in my back.
Does it take initiation/pushing from the other person? How do you react to that?
I need a bit of a push, yeah. I'm a bit afraid to open up. Sometimes if they push too much, I get scared and jump into my shell.
Do you understand the metaphorical boundaries and stay the hell away or can you push them?
I stay back. I understand boundaries and respect them fully. I don't want to push the envelope.
Can you create a reciprocal relationship where you reveal as much as you give?
As long as revealing something won't make me feel guilty about it later. I'm quite private and selective as to what I reveal to others.
If so, how?
If there aren't negative consequences that will bite me in the ass later on, then I'm quite upfront about how I feel about something to someone, and the major thing that helps is if I get a vibe from someone that they are trustworthy and won't hurt me later on. But I am very selective what I reveal to others. You have to draw the line somewhere. I just can't seem to let loose of my armor.