toast
New member
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2009
- Messages
- 239
- MBTI Type
- ENFJ
- Enneagram
- 2w3
I don't know what it is. Most people would describe me as passive, friendly, caring, and supportive. I don't feel like that at all anymore.
Maybe its being passive that's stressing you. I don't know but the "google" example reminds me of how I get when I am tired of walking on eggshells. I suppose as an I, you may not have the same dynamic to this... I have to be careful about nearly everything I say with some people, because even when I am saying something fairly "gentle" to me, the intensity of how I say it seems to crush people... Its like I have some aura of judgment about me, and I have to watch it. After too much of this checking what I say & how I say it, I get this uncontrollable floating hostility that can be triggered by anything. Impatience like you described seems to be at its core. There are a few people who I can be around when this happens, because they are the ones who I don't really have to watch myself around in the first place, & then they can handle it when I am in your position.
It doesn't happen very often, but when it does it is just as you described. I also avoid these people for a while after I feel better, like I'm turned off to them. I think maybe a part of that is an anxiety that they will expect more from me cause I "dissed" them, or that they will simply act awkward... but it just feels like I have no interest in seeing them.
I usually just tell them I am stressed & busy, which never really feels dishonest. Eventually they come around again & things are fine & I feel renewed. I don't believe I've ever permanently lost friendships because of it.