INTPness
New member
- Joined
- Jan 22, 2009
- Messages
- 2,157
- MBTI Type
- INTP
- Enneagram
- 5w4
I was in a semi-short relationship with an ISFP (less than a year). We had a lot of fun at first, but I quickly began to see that we didn't have much in common. We are two very different people. I broke it off with her something like 8 months ago and she seemed to be very hurt. I told her that I would love to remain friends, remain a part of her life (she is important to me), but there could be no relationship or romance of any kind.
In the following months, I tried to be a friend to her. I gave her space, but if she called me, I would just be nice and show her that I was still her friend. She became very cold and really shut me out (which is understandable - she was hurt). So, I accepted that I was now on the "outside" looking in. I wasn't a part of her "inner circle" anymore. But, now, it's been several months and I believe that she has learned to trust me again (as a friend). She has seen over these several months that I was serious about remaining her friend and that I was serious that she is important to me as a person. And now, I'm afraid that becoming closer (as friends) is maybe causing her to have strong feelings again. She's beginning to tell me things and talk to me about very personal things and past hurts (she's "letting me in" to her personal "stuff" again).
My question is: How can I be there for her and talk to her about these things, but still let her know that we cannot be more than friends? What is the best way I can be a good friend to an ISFP without being hurtful?
She's telling me about some very personal things and I told her that it's OK to talk to me about these things (I'll listen and help if I can) and then she gets happy and starts opening up more and more. But, it's very important to me to keep boundaries - some of these things she's going to have to talk about with her lady friends because (a) I'm not all that great with emotions, (b) I don't see her in "that way".
What's the best way to navigate this?
In the following months, I tried to be a friend to her. I gave her space, but if she called me, I would just be nice and show her that I was still her friend. She became very cold and really shut me out (which is understandable - she was hurt). So, I accepted that I was now on the "outside" looking in. I wasn't a part of her "inner circle" anymore. But, now, it's been several months and I believe that she has learned to trust me again (as a friend). She has seen over these several months that I was serious about remaining her friend and that I was serious that she is important to me as a person. And now, I'm afraid that becoming closer (as friends) is maybe causing her to have strong feelings again. She's beginning to tell me things and talk to me about very personal things and past hurts (she's "letting me in" to her personal "stuff" again).
My question is: How can I be there for her and talk to her about these things, but still let her know that we cannot be more than friends? What is the best way I can be a good friend to an ISFP without being hurtful?
She's telling me about some very personal things and I told her that it's OK to talk to me about these things (I'll listen and help if I can) and then she gets happy and starts opening up more and more. But, it's very important to me to keep boundaries - some of these things she's going to have to talk about with her lady friends because (a) I'm not all that great with emotions, (b) I don't see her in "that way".
What's the best way to navigate this?