By not allowing others to make me feel obligated, I am better able to sincerely like them. This is why it's easy to say "no". I do it with a sense of personal honesty that I respect and like them and so would not put them through the shame of being a bother.
That's a good perspective to have on things, Toon. I'd never thought to look at it that way. Instead of being really rattled by a "no," you can look at the honest answer as a sign of the health of your relationship. Your partner is respecting you enough to be honest with you and is, at the same time, trusting that you're mature enough to respect their choice and to see it not as evidence of rejection or malice, but as just their honest feelings on the matter. That's a
lot of respect and trust. If anything, it's the opposite of a sign of rejection! But I know how very easy it is for negative thoughts of rejection and worthlessness to creep into your mind sometimes.
We can't control whether or not we receive a "no"; we can only control how we respond to the declination and the perceived rejection. The key is perspective, is viewing things right. If we perceive a threat, we will respond as if there is one. If we do not see things as a threat, we will treat them calmly and without fear or anxiety.
When you're dealing with someone that can obviously decline you and say no to you, you know that when they say yes, more than likely that's their real answer.
Feeling beholden to others is something I often experience. There's a downside to it, in addition to whatever other downsides there may be, and that is that I often worry that other people operate the same way; that
they feel beholden to
me. It's a terrible feeling, but it's hard to see outside my own mindset, hard to imagine what it would be like to be someone who didn't feel beholden to others, and, therefore, hard to trust that they won't feel hurt and rejected if I say no. If you can see it from a perspective that allows you to see respect and trust rather than rejection in the answer "no," then you can better trust that others will see things the same way, and it's that trust that will allow you to say no more easily.