cacaia
New member
- Joined
- May 27, 2018
- Messages
- 275
- MBTI Type
- NF
- Enneagram
- 954
- Instinctual Variant
- so/sp
Hi, everyone. So, I have deeply struggled philosophically with my family ( mother's side, mainly) since I was pretty young.
We always had a loving relationship growing up, but once I further developed my views of the world, that's when everything came crashing down.
My family is full of STs and some SFs, with only one ENFP aunt ( we get along just fine, but that's about it).
They are very conservative , but not religious.
I was always dubbed the "strange cousin" or " that sweet but very different child with very modern ideals" by them.
I found most of what was said, discussed, or argued during dinner conversations was offensive to my ears. I mostly listened. But when I would make a counter argument, they would tell me I was too sensitive, or to just grow up, or they would roll their eyes and change the subject.
I always also feel like I am the bad guy if I mention something that someone said was mysoginistic or racist. I think I'm taking the high ground for calling them out on it ( very gently, of course) to persuade their views, but then the family member who was previously so hateful and aggressive in their previous speech would then look at me like they were the victim. Up to this day ( and I am almost 40!) I am made to feel ashamed of what I say to them. Even if I was totally and most absolutely correct in my decision to call them out on things.
It doesn't help that my Estj mom, who tries to keep everyone together, berates me for speaking my mind, which is apparently always wrong, because I may have hurt an uncle or aunt's feelings. No thought for my own feelings is taken into account.
Does anyone relate who has a family that clearly does not match your own type? Is this a type thing????
We always had a loving relationship growing up, but once I further developed my views of the world, that's when everything came crashing down.
My family is full of STs and some SFs, with only one ENFP aunt ( we get along just fine, but that's about it).
They are very conservative , but not religious.
I was always dubbed the "strange cousin" or " that sweet but very different child with very modern ideals" by them.
I found most of what was said, discussed, or argued during dinner conversations was offensive to my ears. I mostly listened. But when I would make a counter argument, they would tell me I was too sensitive, or to just grow up, or they would roll their eyes and change the subject.
I always also feel like I am the bad guy if I mention something that someone said was mysoginistic or racist. I think I'm taking the high ground for calling them out on it ( very gently, of course) to persuade their views, but then the family member who was previously so hateful and aggressive in their previous speech would then look at me like they were the victim. Up to this day ( and I am almost 40!) I am made to feel ashamed of what I say to them. Even if I was totally and most absolutely correct in my decision to call them out on things.
It doesn't help that my Estj mom, who tries to keep everyone together, berates me for speaking my mind, which is apparently always wrong, because I may have hurt an uncle or aunt's feelings. No thought for my own feelings is taken into account.
Does anyone relate who has a family that clearly does not match your own type? Is this a type thing????