Eilonwy
Vulnerability
- Joined
- Oct 12, 2009
- Messages
- 7,051
- MBTI Type
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 4
- Instinctual Variant
- sp/so
Irrelevant interpretation of what has already been discussed a thousand times before in slightly different permutations aside I will answer truthfully the quoted segment: You completely misunderstand the reasons why which seems to be the whole crux of this beautiful clusterfuck desert we all created and cooked. If they are in the scope of rationalism and reason (where most Pe users are IMHO.) They know you as an individual did not cause said incident (that would be a pretty dumb accusation in itself) but they perceive you as a representative of sorts of the one who did. You are the closest they can come to addressing the perpetrator of the grievance, dare I say even an extension of them. By forcing you to "own up" one of your number can acknowledge the pain the other caused and by extension the hurt party can determine that the perpetrator in theory would be capable of perceiving and acknowledging the pain they caused them. Alternatively it could be that the hurt party wants gratification by seeing their negative views of the perpetrator be validated as correct. One or the other.
Back to being serious...
The bolded are reasonable when one is hurt and venting. However, in past threads that you might not be aware of, it has happened that the person with a grievance isn't satisfied with "yeah, there are some real monster INFJs out there" or "I've felt really bad when I've hurt someone, maybe your INFJ feels bad, too", but instead wants all of us defined by those four letters to say that we are just as monstrous as the person who hurt them was. When things turn typist, and I think this applies to ANY type being berated, then it needs to be pointed out that those four letters aren't the be all and end all of who someone is.
When I've drifted towards typism, people have said something to me about it, especially other INFJs. And it made sense to me to curb myself when venting, to make my comments about the person who hurt me and not about everyone who happens to relate to the same four letters. And actually, this goes for ANY stereotypical grouping. A guy hurt me: all guys are scum. A person of a certain ethnic group hurt me: all people of that ethnic group are buttheads. Do they share common traits? Well, all men have penises, and high testosterone, so I guess all men ARE scum. And when you vent that to your male acquaintance and he says "I understand, some men are scum", do you keep after him until he admits he's scum, too? Would he maybe be hurt by the accusations, even though he does understand you're only venting?
Perhaps, when someone is venting in this manner, it would be best for the group being vented about to stay out of it. However, that sometimes is interpreted as the group taking sides and defending the bad behavior. It's a delicate situation. Especially if others with grievances start escalating the level of emotions. Then you can end up with an angry mob looking for blood. (I exaggerate to make a point.)
Anyway, for what it's worth, I like you. Your style of give and take doesn't seem to be incompatible with mine.