[MENTION=7842]Z Buck McFate[/MENTION] your post leaves me feeling seriously disillusioned...
I'm really sorry about that...I don't know if this makes it worse or better...
I think what it comes down to is that introverted functions don't do their cooking externally and so when they do make a statement, it is more of a conclusion or checking for final confirmation, rather than an idea being thrown out there. If it is misunderstood as brainstorming, it can feel like the other party is deliberately being dismissive, unkind, or demeaning.
Extraverted functions do their cooking externally, but the statements made along the way are stated in ways that sound final to introverted function ears, even when the intent is inviting more information.
Introverted functions tend to want to streamline information into something manageable. They want the person to do the work internally and present them with something they can work from, while extraverted ones can't draw any conclusions without being able to explore those thoughts aloud.
Both parties offend in this way. In this case, it's with Ne trying ideas on for size and mixing emotional with logical statements (creating a kind of undertow that is distracting). Then there's Fe trying ideas on for size and mixing judgemental and logical statements (which is equally distracting). Both are only trying to make sense of the situation.
The direct nature of both extraverted functions can also mean that their users sometimes leave off the frosting which can make their statements palatable to their introverted function counterparts, believing that they are just saying the same thing in a shorter way.
I think that at least if we've come to understand this, and have examples of what it looks like, there's got to be a way to break through. For me, the complicating factor is that everyone has both introverted and extraverted function, so sometimes it is hard to separate out what is caused by what and the flavours get all mixed together. If it were as simple as just recognizing a particular function and then adjusting one's understanding to get the proper message, I think it would be much easier. However, I can't help but think that despite the length of these kinds of threads and what some would call beating a dead horse, I feel a little closer to coming to an understanding of the situation so that I can at least start working out a solution.
As you can see, INFJs have a hard time boiling it all down to a few succinct points without doing a lot of external exploring first. I wonder if this also adds to the frustration, as it appears that while you are accommodating that need, there was not the same willingness to allow the Ne exploration needed?
I think one of the biggest problems for me in trying to accommodate, is that I don't really know what I think or feel right in the moment, so I have no personal story to contribute without understanding how it could be useful to you or to developing a shared story. The usefulness part helps me to narrow down what it is I'm looking for inside the tons of banker's boxes full of files littered around the landscape of my head. Without that, it feels like being asked to just empty out all of the boxes entirely, with papers fluttering out from all of the files, and as you can imagine, it's quite a job putting it all back later, so I only do it for people I know very well and even then, only when I understand why it is necessary.
I can see it from the other point of view too though, and there may be one file that's just the key to understanding a bunch of your own story, but you can't possibly know what it would be until you come across it. It seems as if we are withholding useful information from you just to be miserable.
I wish I knew what to propose. I haven't come up with anything practical yet, but perhaps you can see something that I can't...