Gloriana
Patron Saint Of Smileys
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2009
- Messages
- 949
- MBTI Type
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 6w5
First of all, I'm not half as educated on the MBTI and different types as it seems a lot of users on this site are. I've only recently started really delving into it, so forgive me if I reek of noobessence
I definitely relate to the descriptions of finding small talk excruciating sometimes. For me, I think it's because when I'm talking to strangers or people I'm not all that close to, it's like the motors in my brain are running so fast I expect smoke to start coming out of my ears. Not sure if it's a shared thing with INFJs or just me, but small talk usually goes something like this for me:
OTHER PERSON: I really love Jazz, do you like Jazz?
MY INNER MONOLOGUE: This person's coat is awesome suede, I have to remark on that. I like Jazz so maybe that's a good sign this person and I will get along. I wonder if they like Jazz the way I do? I really do love that coat.
WHAT I ACTUALLY SAY: Yeah! Love Jazz! *waits for next prompt*
OTHER PERSON: Awesome. You ever go to that Jazz club downtown?
MY INNER MONOLOGUE: I know that place but I haven't been there in over a year. Does it even matter? Wait, is this person feeling me out to see if I'd go there too? I can't make a f**ing commitment like that this soon.
WHAT I ACTUALLY SAY: Yeah, I've been there, it's a pretty cool joint. *waits for next prompt but then changes mind at the last second* Your coat is awesome.
OTHER PERSON: Thanks! I got this at Kohl's.
MY INNER MONOLOGUE: Oh shit I just changed the subject and now I'm screwed. Why in the eff did I just do that? I have nothing to say about that store. The coat means nothing in the grand scheme of things, why in the hell did I just bring that up?
*insert long, semi-awkward, "I'm trapped inside my own head" pause here*
WHAT I ACTUALLY SAY: It's COLD out, why does it have to be so cold?
OTHER PERSON: Haha! I know!
MY INNER MONOLOGUE: Ok, ok, good save, good save. Weather always works, that's standard shit. But wait, I don't give a shit about the weather either really. Crap. Crap. Crap. This bastard isn't even giving me anything to go on with the "I know!" business. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.
WHAT I ACTUALLY SAY: The weird thing is that when it's cold out I usually want ice cream for some reason.
OTHER PERSON: Uhhhh, yeah, I get that sometimes.
INNER MONOLOGUE: Shiiiiiiiiiiit, what the hell do I do now? I'm getting NOTHING from this mofo, NOTHING. Me? I got NOTHING!! This is officially crushing my soul. Need quick quiet time in the bathroom STAT!
WHAT I ACTUALLY SAY: I gotta hit the little girl's room, nice chatting to you though! *massive grin*
OTHER PERSON: *reciprocal grin* Nice chatting to you too!
INNER MONOLOGUE: Good, good, freedom. Bathroom NOW!
Now I'm not sure if this is an INFJ thing or just my own delightful brand of crazy, but variations on that same theme are what I experience a lot of the time with small talk. It's especially worse if I pick up on the 'nervous vibes' coming from the other person too, then it's just (awkward, awkward!) disaster. I also find myself just saying what I already know the other person will just respond to (I.E. sharing my knowledge on subjects/topics I can see they are into) just to make things go smoother, but then that backfires with people I don't really feel stimulated by just latching on to me because I 'understand' them so well, and I suck at rejecting people (though I'm getting better at it).
I wondered if any other INFJs related to any of that.
I definitely relate to the descriptions of finding small talk excruciating sometimes. For me, I think it's because when I'm talking to strangers or people I'm not all that close to, it's like the motors in my brain are running so fast I expect smoke to start coming out of my ears. Not sure if it's a shared thing with INFJs or just me, but small talk usually goes something like this for me:
OTHER PERSON: I really love Jazz, do you like Jazz?
MY INNER MONOLOGUE: This person's coat is awesome suede, I have to remark on that. I like Jazz so maybe that's a good sign this person and I will get along. I wonder if they like Jazz the way I do? I really do love that coat.
WHAT I ACTUALLY SAY: Yeah! Love Jazz! *waits for next prompt*
OTHER PERSON: Awesome. You ever go to that Jazz club downtown?
MY INNER MONOLOGUE: I know that place but I haven't been there in over a year. Does it even matter? Wait, is this person feeling me out to see if I'd go there too? I can't make a f**ing commitment like that this soon.
WHAT I ACTUALLY SAY: Yeah, I've been there, it's a pretty cool joint. *waits for next prompt but then changes mind at the last second* Your coat is awesome.
OTHER PERSON: Thanks! I got this at Kohl's.
MY INNER MONOLOGUE: Oh shit I just changed the subject and now I'm screwed. Why in the eff did I just do that? I have nothing to say about that store. The coat means nothing in the grand scheme of things, why in the hell did I just bring that up?
*insert long, semi-awkward, "I'm trapped inside my own head" pause here*
WHAT I ACTUALLY SAY: It's COLD out, why does it have to be so cold?
OTHER PERSON: Haha! I know!
MY INNER MONOLOGUE: Ok, ok, good save, good save. Weather always works, that's standard shit. But wait, I don't give a shit about the weather either really. Crap. Crap. Crap. This bastard isn't even giving me anything to go on with the "I know!" business. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.
WHAT I ACTUALLY SAY: The weird thing is that when it's cold out I usually want ice cream for some reason.
OTHER PERSON: Uhhhh, yeah, I get that sometimes.
INNER MONOLOGUE: Shiiiiiiiiiiit, what the hell do I do now? I'm getting NOTHING from this mofo, NOTHING. Me? I got NOTHING!! This is officially crushing my soul. Need quick quiet time in the bathroom STAT!
WHAT I ACTUALLY SAY: I gotta hit the little girl's room, nice chatting to you though! *massive grin*
OTHER PERSON: *reciprocal grin* Nice chatting to you too!
INNER MONOLOGUE: Good, good, freedom. Bathroom NOW!
Now I'm not sure if this is an INFJ thing or just my own delightful brand of crazy, but variations on that same theme are what I experience a lot of the time with small talk. It's especially worse if I pick up on the 'nervous vibes' coming from the other person too, then it's just (awkward, awkward!) disaster. I also find myself just saying what I already know the other person will just respond to (I.E. sharing my knowledge on subjects/topics I can see they are into) just to make things go smoother, but then that backfires with people I don't really feel stimulated by just latching on to me because I 'understand' them so well, and I suck at rejecting people (though I'm getting better at it).
I wondered if any other INFJs related to any of that.