Somehow, I wrote my life story
. I will add that I don't relate much to the description of your son....
What were you like as a child?
I was a very quiet and shy child, especially with people I did not know well. My family would call me ornery, stubborn, feisty, shameless, and very temperamental. I was not an affectionate child with most of my family, but I could be with my mom and grandma. I was not emotionally expressive, especially with "soft" emotions. I mostly cried when I was criticized or frustrated. I got embarrassed easily and hated being the center of attention. I was very private about my thoughts & feelings, even with my family.
I was creative and enjoyed drawing, writing poetry and reading from very young ages. I had a big imagination, and preferred my own games to existing ones (and I already hated "rules"). I didn't watch much TV and disliked video games. I had a major autonomous streak. I was extremely daydreamy. Interaction with others tired me and I was overwhelmed by large groups of people. I liked to ride a bike alone or play handball, but athletic things mostly bored me. I hated competition of any kind. I was generally light-hearted and easily had fun, except in my stubborn moods.
I did tend to disappoint easily, as I already had huge, idealistic expectations.
I liked to spend time with friends one-on-one, and I tended to dominate the play and decide what we would do. I usually had one "best friend" that I depended on a lot. When they were absent, I felt lost. I felt intimidated by other kids at school, like I was not good enough, and so I never initiated friendships and had a hard time making friends. Most of the friends I made were from being thrown together in some way.
I had a sense of being awkward and dorky. I had a lot of difficulty relating to anyone around me and always felt like a square peg. I never wanted to be like everyone else, but at the same time it pained me to feel outside of the "group". I would never compromise myself to fit in though.
In group projects at school, I tended to have a loud voice and would dominate the direction of it and push my ideas. I could be a know-it-all.
As I got older, I went more with the flow. I was never a door mat though, and would always speak up for something I felt strongly about.
I had a strong sense of morality at a young age. Unfairness and untruth upset me greatly. I was stubborn about my ideals and critical of those who fell very far outside them. Hypocrisy made me mad. I was very opinionated. I rarely liked people immediately, as they had to grow on me in order to overlook their faults. I've mellowed a lot since
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The older I got, the more school I would miss, as the social aspect drained me, and my ISFJ mom kept me on track less. I'd stay at home and listen to music or read instead, which was more stimulating to me. The academic part of school was a breeze for me though. I would procrastinate terribly on projects/reports, and even be absent the day they were due to get more time, but I'd always get a good grade.
Contrary to what INFP profiles say, I especially excelled in math and science, but they didn't interest me much. Art, literature and language always interested me more. I didn't participate in class much, because I was shy and hated being the center of attention. I never got in trouble because I was quiet, kept to myself, and saw no real need to break rules. I was almost never openly rebellious, even if some arbitrary rule made me seethe. I got in trouble at home mostly for "talking back" and being messy. I felt a need to be perfect at times, and would feel bad if I fell short.
I did have a good memory for things people said (and found contradictions easily) and where items were left. I always knew when someone had gone in my room when I was not home.
What would have/was the most constructive and damaging parenting for you a child?
My parents divorce was very damaging to me. My dad left when I was 2, and my mom said I was scared she would leave me also. I felt hesitant to form close relationships with people for fear of them leaving/rejecting me. I never felt secure in friendships, and always felt I was a last resort for people if they couldn't find anyone better to hang out with.
My dad is an ENTP also, and I never felt emotionally connected to him. He felt like some sort of uncle or distant relative. My personality puzzles him to this day. He had no idea how to open me up. When I was small, I would whisper to my older sister and she'd have to communicate my needs to him, as I didn't feel comfortable talking to him. He also happened to be very self-absorbed though. Being a musician, if he would have taken a creative interest in me as my cartoonist step-dad did, then we might have been closer. I don't think it's a coincidence that I took more to drawing than playing an instrument....
The other thing that stung me was my ESFJ grandmother and ISFJ mom's criticism of me being "cold", as they are very demonstrative. My ESFP sister would also make cracks about how nothing affected me and I was like a "stone". This bothered me because I did not feel cold internally. It made me feel like there was something wrong with me and like no one understood me.
To some degree, my ISFJ mom understood my shyness. She knew why it was hard for me to make friends. My other family members would nitpick little things though, mostly to do with polite social protocol, which I had a major blind spot in. It made me upset when people would assume I was unfriendly when I was just feeling awkward.
She and my step-dad were also very encouraging about my artistic pursuits, always praising the things I would make and ideas I had, never saying it was unrealistic to pursue an artistic career. In some ways this was bad, as it might have been useful to be grounded at times. My mom was the "You can be whatever you want to be!" kind of parent. Overall, she was extremely nurturing and rarely criticized me for being "different" in some ways. I think this is why I was mostly confident about my intellect, creative talent, and individuality as a child.
Verbal communication could be hard with my sensor mom & sis. They'd completely misinterpret my view or miss the point. I tended to use hypothetical situations to explain things, and my sister would snap that it "wasn't real", which would invalidate my point of view. It would have helped to have someone who could listen to me and grasp what I was trying to say. Instead, I clammed up and withdrew. My mother got much better about making an attempt to understand my view as I got older though.
My parents struggled a lot financially and had a rocky marriage, and this also felt like a burden on me.