Rebe
New member
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2009
- Messages
- 1,431
- MBTI Type
- INFP
- Enneagram
- 4sop
I have terrible memory which I am now attributing to inferior Si. Not memory like reading a novel and not remembering specific details - I am actually fairly good with that stuff. But memories with people, conversations, emotional memory maybe.
Someone said something very important to me about a year ago. It was so important. It was an essential part of our relationship and it really could have helped me a lot when I have tried to go back and understand. I have the hardest time trying to understand the past. I much prefer to just move on and create future possibilities than to try to understand something that happened in the past. I hate doing it but I find myself stuck in the Fi-Si loop a lot when I am, well, just stuck and cannot implement external plans to move forward yet.
We had an important, long conversation where I asked for clarification many times. But even if that happened last week, I can guarantee that I still won't remember most of it. I will remember the gist of it and the outcome, but all the important facts in-between, I wouldn't have a clue. I am also fond of deleting memories and just closing doors on the past.
My Si-dom friend sees me as confused, which is true because all I have is Fi and Ne and blunt Te. How am I to understand the past and stick to one 'theory' or 'fact' of what happened if I have so much Ne. Even when I think of the past, I still focus on possibilities of what had happened, completely forgetting what actually did happen. And these possibilities of mine are more cynical and dramatic that what actually transpired. And I get stuck in this loop of making the past worse than it actually was, not because I want to or because I have so much free time on my hands. It's because I want to understand, I want to remember, but I cannot. Maybe Event A happened but I can still find reasons to believe the evidence for Event A is false and misleading and the possibilities of Event B/C/D are still there.
It's like having an ocean of positive and negative tidal waves for a foundation instead of a sturdy layer of bricks to keep me steady and keep the scenarios down to one.
So I was washing the dishes when this tiny little piece of information decided to laser itself into my brain and I feel like such a fool because I forgot something so, so important. It wasn't the code to my secret bank account or something, it was a piece of conversation, an emotional memory. I just can't god damn remember what happened in the past in the midst of all these possibilities my brain is just endlessly generating.
Someone said something very important to me about a year ago. It was so important. It was an essential part of our relationship and it really could have helped me a lot when I have tried to go back and understand. I have the hardest time trying to understand the past. I much prefer to just move on and create future possibilities than to try to understand something that happened in the past. I hate doing it but I find myself stuck in the Fi-Si loop a lot when I am, well, just stuck and cannot implement external plans to move forward yet.
We had an important, long conversation where I asked for clarification many times. But even if that happened last week, I can guarantee that I still won't remember most of it. I will remember the gist of it and the outcome, but all the important facts in-between, I wouldn't have a clue. I am also fond of deleting memories and just closing doors on the past.
My Si-dom friend sees me as confused, which is true because all I have is Fi and Ne and blunt Te. How am I to understand the past and stick to one 'theory' or 'fact' of what happened if I have so much Ne. Even when I think of the past, I still focus on possibilities of what had happened, completely forgetting what actually did happen. And these possibilities of mine are more cynical and dramatic that what actually transpired. And I get stuck in this loop of making the past worse than it actually was, not because I want to or because I have so much free time on my hands. It's because I want to understand, I want to remember, but I cannot. Maybe Event A happened but I can still find reasons to believe the evidence for Event A is false and misleading and the possibilities of Event B/C/D are still there.
It's like having an ocean of positive and negative tidal waves for a foundation instead of a sturdy layer of bricks to keep me steady and keep the scenarios down to one.
So I was washing the dishes when this tiny little piece of information decided to laser itself into my brain and I feel like such a fool because I forgot something so, so important. It wasn't the code to my secret bank account or something, it was a piece of conversation, an emotional memory. I just can't god damn remember what happened in the past in the midst of all these possibilities my brain is just endlessly generating.