This is an interesting thread.....
Some noted patterns in ENFJs I know IRL:
- Uncanny ability to discuss personal topics without revealing a lot of personal info about themselves.
- Exude warmth, friendliness, charm. Compliment people a lot. Like to point out positives. Take a genuine interest in other people and their lives.
- Most of the male ENFJs have this nonchalant, faux-caddish attitude. It's like they pretend to be arrogant, but with a wink so that it's almost self-deprecating instead. I'm not sure how to explain it....it's terribly charming though
- State opinions very confidently at times without caring if it contradicts the majority, sometimes taking delight in ruffling feathers. Other times adapt their views to those around them in a diplomatic way. Can seem to "back track" because of it. Seem to seek a "consensus" at those times.
- Future-focused. Love to discuss "what-ifs" and think of ways to better things, especially people and quality of life.
I know an ENFJ-ESFJ couple, and we had a conversation once that illustrated a difference between the two types. The ENFJ mentioned these plans for a park the city once had, which were abandoned due to costs; he was very excited about this. He got that NF far off look in the eye when discussing it and how nice it would be; but then his ESFJ wife got very irritated and kept reminding him that plan was abandoned because it was impractical. The ENFJ then got annoyed at her for dismissing this great idea, and kept insisting that if they only wrote the city, then maybe they could come up with a way to make it happen after all. It was clear this was an issue they were not going to see eye to eye on...one was practical-minded and focused on what is possible now, and the other had his mind in the future and refused to give up on a good possibility, just feeling it needed to be tweaked a little. I admit, I was on his side
- Like abstract, imaginative things; lean toward the arts and spiritual interests... typical NF stuff.
- Seek out, create, maintain, and organize social connections above almost anything else. They make friends, or friendly connections, rather easily. They don't see themselves as social butterflies though, because they have high standards for friends - so anything less than "deep" is not seen as anything extraordinary. From my perspective though, it is interesting how easily they get a response from people and how well they adapt to the other person to do so.
- Most of the ones I know are not ambitious in the way the "typical" J is. The dreamer/idealistic/perfectionist aspect of being an NF can get in the way, or their ambitions are so much in the interpersonal realm that practical goals get put on the back burner.
- Like to be inspirational, influential, etc. Will do things to "nudge people in the right direction" as one of my ENFJ friends put it.
- Brood when alone a lot. Too much reflection can make them negative and really depressed.
- Seem to have a conflict of wanting to lead, fit in, be important and also to stay unique.
- Fit this so well it's almost comical:
I notice the person or issue closest to the ENFJ's heart can be put to the bottom of the pile until it can be given their undivided attention. Most of the time, this makes sense, but occasionally it can be confusing.
What are the characteristics of an ENFJ in public?
Moving from person to person, focusing intently on each for a period, then their head moves to the next person and off they go. The shy ones will be more reticent, but I always sense an anxiousness to not stay in one place too long, mentally, even if not physically. The eyes always look far off, they're not fully engaged in the present even though they seem wrapped up in it from first glance.
How would an ENFJ personals ad typically read?
Well, on social networking sites, they often have little personal info, but a lot of interests and opinions listed. In a contradiction of that they'll sometimes have a blog entry that is very personal in nature, or they'll post rather emotionally dramatic statements for their statuses (but often vague again). Many of the ones I know like to write, so blogs are a big thing for them.
Where do ENFJs like to hang out?
I've met most through church, but they also seem to like things in the realm of poetry/literature, music, travel, etc. Like I said above, the arts, culture, spirituality. Most of the guys I know like to follow soccer/football, but don't actually play it.
How might one break the ice with an ENFJ?
IDK....they always talk to me first. I get the impression they want to initiate and aren't as receptive to people approaching them, but I actually have more experience with male ENFJs. It feels like they have some time table or order of things, and they'll get to you when they're ready....Once there's a relationship established they seem to appreciate initiative though.