I've seen a lot of envy in others and would say almost all of it is completely unrelated to the 4 type. How it's different, I'm not entirely sure.
I'm not entirely sure what others see of my own envy. I wouldn't even call myself a naturally envious person. While I don't deny the type fix, I just don't particularly identify with the term, at least not literally. For me I see it as related to my inclination to fantasise about my life, to idealise a better, future self, the desire to be special - and then feeling disappointed at these things often not working out. Most of this I keep to myself, but then maybe 4w3s and/or extroverts would be more expressive of it. I will admit I do whine about it on occasion, but it's usually only when people specifically ask me about such things. It almost never descends into jealousy and resentment towards others. I feel genuinely happy for others when something good happens to them. I might secretly wish the same thing to happen for myself or feel inferior because I fail to achieve the same level, but that's just me, it has nothing to do with the other person or how I feel towards them.
I agree with this, and most applies to me as well. I had a hard time seeing myself as envious when I first learned that aspect of 4s & enneagram, because I rarely experience jealousy in the usual usage. I have no desire to take from others, sabotage them, or gain at their expense. I am not catty at all. I love when my female friends are beautiful & smart & talented - I am proud to call them a friend. I admire other people who are unique, brilliant, interesting, etc. So I scoffed at the idea of being envious at first.
But a little deeper consideration & I saw how envy very much twisted my view of reality. I do not often envy actual individuals. It's more like an over all feeling of being defective and/or "overlooked by life" in some way while other people (no one specific again, just "other people") are more functional, accepted, likable, etc, and find it easier to be happy & fulfilled in life. I feel like other peope naturally have that "thing" I am missing, a thing I can never quite pinpoint. Resentment is born when those people seem less, well,
unique (yes I hate that term & over-association with 4s, but it's the best I can do ATM). The sense of being defective & unique go hand-in-hand, and the unique aspect is actually often fed by others reactions to you (gifted intellectually, talented artistically, preciously insightful, etc). But because you conflate the two, you hold onto the flaws like your strengths are attached to them, which allows you to feel there is an unfairness in more "ordinary" people finding love or happiness (or whatever you're fixated on "missing")
just because they lack your flaws, when they also don't have your uniqueness. I envy the ease of "ordinariness", but resent that I cannot be weirdo me & still have what the ordinary have. Normality is something I scoff at & desperately want on some level (I am not really weird or abnormal outwardly; it's a sense of an inner grotesqueness). And while some will envy your ease in uniqueness, an ability to just be different without trying in an authentic way, somehow you still feel like a fraud, like it's just shallow & meaningless anyway. The "simple" things the ordinary have look more fulfilling - the friendships, the romances, the satisfaction with their work. I envy a contentment I cannot seem to cultivate within myself.
So the more aware I have become of this mindset, I do see how I have resented other people though, resented their happiness to the point of not being able to stomach seeing it or hearing about it. I think it's the sx-y 4s who experience more seething. It's almost similar to e1 righteous anger, cuz there's a sense of
injustice about it. SK's job interview example highlights how resentment manifests; an idea that there's been some overlooking of you in favor of someone less deserving (and I've had that feelin gafter many a job interview myself). This can be self-experienced & demonstrated outwardly in the personality as elitism, self-pity, giving up before trying, etc.
Again, sx-y 4s have a more fiery resentment whereas sx last like SK seem sort of SAD. 4s kind of range between the two when it comes to how envy is experienced emotionally. It rarely looks or feels like jealousy or wanting to have something at the expense of someone else; that's just not what it is. My envy is also often experiences as a wistful sadness, a perpetual longing for some void I can't quite define, a dull ache - not a burning jealousy. Sometimes I feel an angry frustration too though - that righteous anger. I aso can feel alienated from others, those not "missing" that essential component I seem to be missing; they cannot understand me then.
4s often consciously experience envy as rejection of what others are/like/do as "mundane" or just beneath them somehow. They don't envy, but scorn. The envy aspect is that they'll resent that whatever it is they are scorning is somehow more appreciated by others, that it's given a significance it doesn't "deserve".
Some examples:
- When I was a child, I was annoyed when someone I deemed not as smart as me was given the same grade as me on a project in school. I guess I felt it diminished my accomplishment, or something, especially when this person might be raved over for their one-off A while I churned the As out to little fanfare because it became expected of me. I never resented people as I saw as equals or better.
- As an adult, I'll feel resentment when someone I see as less or equally talented has an opportunity to do something I'd like to do, and it's less something they've earned than a circumstantial opportunity (or so it appears). I have a sense of being "cursed" then.
- I can envy people who "connect" easily with others - form relationships from friendships to professional networks, etc. I always feel like I have a hurdle to overcome with others - bad first impressions & general discomfort with my demeanor - before I can form any bond. I always feel like I'm working against some automatic prejudice and that there's this invisible wall blocking me from people.
Hm, I think you could say that what is envied is often the meaning & significance given to things/people more than people or things in themselves.
I will add that, intellectually, I know none of the above is really *true*. But emotionally, it still colors my reality. I've had to be very emotionally honest with myself to see & admit this. Now that it's in awareness, it feels almost stronger, but then so do I. It's like I know the size of the beast I am fighting at least.