I've been meaning to reply to this thread for a bit, but have been to busy to give a reply the time it deserves, so you are getting this instead.
I, like PeaceBaby, grew up in an SJ-heavy environment, and it seems to me you are (perhaps) being too hard on yourself.
I think as an INFP living with other types, there is an inherent asymmetry in interactions. INFPs tend to be able to see the value in (most) other perspectives, and are able to listen deeply to others and try to see things through the eyes of other. We tend to be able to try on the lenses of another without being threatened—even if we don't really agree (as long as a core value isn't crossed).
This asymmetry can create a real feeling of injustice when younger, because you can tell that others (like your parents) aren't giving your perspective, ideas, and feelings the same attention, respect, and reflection you tend to give others. For many INFPs, opinions and feelings are worth considering (at least initially) because they come from a personal life experience which no one else can know fully.
Te, conversely, is all about efficiency and applying pragmatic metrics and rules. It's partially about mental efficiency, and not expending undo effort (including mental effort) on "flights of fancy." Also, to STJs, in particular, real-world experience is the currency that buys attention, and, as a younger person, you have none to spend.
With Fe, too, an INFP can also be discounted. We are too idiosyncratic, to inconsistent, and to dismissive of social rituals that don't personally resonate. Hence, we may be charming (if quirky) one day for going far beyond what social convention and relationship status indicate (because we are genuinely motivated), and then the next day have irredeemably offended for discounting what others say one "should" do. Over time, NFPs tends to build up bad credit with FJs for being inconsistent and "undependable" (although we tend to deliver when we know it is important to others).
Our opinions can also be discounted by TPs, who tend to stop listening at the first logical error or imprecision.
Until we INFPs have learned to present things logically using precise language—to speak the language of thinking types—we do tend to live in a world where we continually go the extra mile to very little credit. That's not to laud INFPs as being angelic or perfect (we do have our downsides), but if you feel like you listen more deeply and give people more attention and credit than they give you (especially in your immediate family), you may not be wrong.
It's been amusing as I grow up that my ESTJ dad (an extreme case, admittedly) takes my opinions MUCH more seriously now (at 44) than he did when I was younger. Because I've "proven" myself in the world and draw from "experience," he takes much more seriously opinions based on exactly the same thought processes and feelings that I used when I was younger. Admittedly, I've gotten better at presenting things in a more palatable way, but what goes on internally isn't vastly different.
So, I guess I'd try to counter-balance your original post by saying that you should give yourself a bit more credit. You no doubt have limitations and annoying behaviors, but it's also true that you are far more equipped to see the strengths of others than they are to see your strengths.
From
Nurture by Nature (granted, most of these points are more applicable to younger INFPs, but I still think they are good to hear even as someone older... just to get a feel for what INFP nurturing would look like)
- Provide them with as many books as possible; read to them constantly.[when younger]
- Take them to the library regularly; get them their own library card as early as possible. [maybe dated]
- Expose them to, and encourage their interests in, cultural arts.
- Speak softly—use a gentle voice and maintain physical and eye contact when you correct misbehavior.
- Apologize quickly and sincerely if you lose your temper or raise your voice.
- Encourage them to talk about their ideas; listen quietly and give them your undivided attention.
- Respect the legitimacy of their imaginary life.
- Encourage them to express their feelings in words or in drawings; listen and carefully rephrase their feelings to help them clarify them.
- Allow them to watch from the sidelines as long as they need before joining in, and give them plenty of time to play alone or simply daydream.
- Respect the intensity of their feelings.
- Support their intellectual curiosity and artistic expression.
- Help them find ways to keep themselves organized and on time; model how to set and meet goals.
- Appeal to their feelings and values in times of conflict or disagreement.
- Get their ideas and input on alternative ways to solve problems; give them plenty of advance notice about changes that affect them personally.
- Help them make decisions by explaining that few choices are irrevocable.
I'd say, on the converse side, that's it's really, REALLY in an INFP's benefit to learn self-discipline and how to meet deadlines and schedules. In much of life, you have to do things when you don't really feel like it, and in many cases no one may care about the validity of your personal perspective. It does suck, but that is how much of the world is (especially the world of business and jobs). There are practical benefits when one is forced to learn such things young.