Why are you turning an "Fe at its best" thread into another "Let's have a moan about Fe" thread? You have dozens of those to choose from already. (And I am sure I just made this comment because of my Fe.)
I think you are oversimplifying things. I certainly have strong Fe but was brought up in a culture (Germany) where it is more important to be honest than to be polite, people value authenticity and are okay with someone speaking their mind even if they might come across as rude. Now I am living in a culture (England) where it is more important to be polite than to be honest, people are certainly more refined than Germans in their interactions and always know the polite thing to say but after a while I realised that they don't necessarily mean most of what they say, it's just a social facade to keep social cohesion.
As a result even though I really value what I would call "authentic Fe" for its warmth, care and graciousness in difficult situations I am incredibly frustrated by the overly polite, fake Fe I am seeing all around me where I am living now, it actually makes me want to stab myself with a pen knife and say something really rude just to get a rise out of people. And people who simply say what no one else dares to say (in general ExTPs) get an internal high-five from me.
Didnt you just ranted yourself ?
I think some can tolerate troublemakers fine. As long as said troublemaker dominates the "group". For example, I went on a date with an ENFJ (at least she tested that way), and at one time, she had told me she had some attraction to "gangster whiteboys" in the past. We kind of laughed about it. She said she grew out of it. We went out though, and she wanted to meet with some friends. At first, it just seemed like a quiet group... but lo and behold, one of the so called "gangster whiteboys" actually showed up. He was some old friend of hers. I don't know if you know the type, but they're usually blowhard ESTPs who talk like their inner city African Americans. I stood back and kind of laughed. I decided to cut the date short. She forgot everything she said before and transformed right before my eyes. She was all about feeding her Fe and expressiveness into that situation, because everyone else was enjoying themselves. And I'm the "troublemaker" for simply having the presence of mind to be consistent. It doesn't matter who's actually "dangerous". I think Ni Fe at least can go along with many things.
I do understand you, not only literally but I've made those experiences as well.
I think at this point its only a definition thing. Some say Fe is about "adapting to the rules", some say "its about adapting to the group dynamics". For the former one the question can be raised: what are the rules ? Since Fe is per definition a archetypical personality function, what would an Fe user in a vacuum be ? Were no rules can be adapted to, adapting to rules is impossible.
Some people quickly open the can in which you start mixing "Fe traits" with "religious traits" in special western world religious views. Thats when it gets really nasty. I guess its a bane of Fe users, like the bane of strong analytical people is to be called emotionless.
The other thing about "Fe is adapting to the group dynamics" is a thing that can be disproven by the two of us. I found what [MENTION=204]FineLine[/MENTION] said regarding Fe being an inferior function for istp and thats the reason you handle it wrongly, not fair nor right. The thing is FineLine you said that you yourself have adapted to Fe-styles and now live better with that, but you do not have any Fe at all. ISTPs have Fe and they show it a lot, without the need for adapting. If you maybe think of the best Jackie Chan films, under the premise he would be an istp, then that sort of caring nature he has, is the Fe expression of inferior F. A better example would be Rocky with Sylvester Stallone. He always played that hard italian dude but had a soft spot. Or Bud Spencer...
Of course those are fictional but I know istps who are like that in real life and in their ways to treat people they are always fair and that automatically. In fact istps have a strong demand for respecting each others in a group, respecting individuality and staying fair. Thats one of the strongest Fe expressions there is and thats tho, like you said istps only have inferior Fe.
What KDude said here, I can perfectly understand. He was disappointed because a person he trusted disappointed him. For that you dont need to be an Fe user, thats a thing anybody would ever want, disregardless of his type. Then again "group dynamics" isnt really Fe. I mean the nazis in WWII demanded certain group dynamics but the dynamics werent at all Fe.
To me in the most basic sense Fe just means "having the ability to feel like others feel". The majority of Fi users appear egoistic to an Fe user, while the majority of Fe users prolly appears overcaring to Fi users. The key of successful Fe is not to think of yourself allday long but to take the time, imagine how the day or the week was for a friend of yours, imagine what you would feel in that situation and then to treat him like you'ld know how he feels. That needs a lot of practice or talent but makes life a lot easier for you.
Still as it is with all things the balance is key, being too altruistic does help noone. And Fe users have troubles solving their own problems or thinking deeply about emotions, analyzing them, picking them apart. For that a Fi user is the way better chef.
So bottom line, Fe to me aint about rules or regulations or religion or group dynamics, it is first of all the ability to being able to truly feel like another person would and being able to anticipate what he'ld like from you now. Every other interpretation is lifting the Fe function to a level when it becomes torn-apart for some sorts of dogmae.