INTJMom
Well-known member
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2007
- Messages
- 5,413
- MBTI Type
- INTJ
- Enneagram
- 5w4
Thank you!Congrats on the new job!
A couple things to remember. Your auxiliary Te is her dominant function, so when you're communicating with her in the external world, she's in a sense got an advantage--she'll always do Te just a bit better than you. So...conscious effort on your part to categorize/think through if/then reasoning and every other way she might evaluate your ideas will serve you well. Her questions are going to constantly question your logic.
Also, even though INTJs are driven by competency to deal well with details, she more naturally wants every single hole filled in on every thing you bring to her--and can start firing questions at you when you're still in the midst of trying to get the big picture laid out. She wants the details first, adding them up to see the big picture, while you want to lay out the big picture and get agreement, then fill in the details. Very tricky. Since you're the subordinate you obviously have to meet her needs. Sigh. Just Wednesday, an ESTJ told me how her boss (INFP) had just introduced a new initiative. She asked so many questions about it that he thought she was resisting and blew up at her. She was taken aback--she loved the idea and was trying to figure out how it would work through her questions. You've got the opposite dilemma because you can't blow up!
Tips for persuading T's (From Work it Out by Hirsh and Kise:
- Make sure you're talking in terms of objective, measurable criteria for decision making that can be fairly and consistently applied
- Identify up front any flaws in ideas or processes--or possible concerns or critical paths
- be consistent--that's more important than how anyone feels about anything
- try to figure out her guiding principles
- figure out the pros and cons in advance so you can preguess her arguments
- You might also think about her Sensing needs--have the facts on hand and remember that past experience is her guiding light.
So there's no inherent reason ESTJs might give INTJs a hard time but there are definitely communication issues. A lot of Thinking women in leadership roles have also been beat up a lot for their style, even if they came out on top, and can be very sensitive about any, even if only perceived, challenges to their authority--for example, a subordinate who is at least as intelligent as they are. So be helpful, organized, keep your facts in a row and accessible, and it could all end up fine as she learns how you're supporting her...
I copied and pasted that into a word document so that I can refer back to it.
(and thanks for your comment, too, Haight)
I have learned how to speak more "S" language in the last several years, I think. I have 2 kids and a husband who are "S" types. And from being on this board, I have learned that my concise INTJ statements need to be fleshed out more to prevent misunderstanding. Hopefully I will get the hang of getting along with her.