Tallulah
Emerging
- Joined
- Feb 19, 2008
- Messages
- 6,009
- MBTI Type
- INTP
When I was younger, I was much like the OP. I really resented being interrupted and asked what I was thinking about or why I looked sad, or being prompted to smile.
Nowadays, I've resolved that problem by treating the situation as an opportunity for a brain dump: I tell the other person what I was thinking about right at that moment. Sometimes I have to clean it up or be general so as not to shock or be socially inappropriate, but in general I really do tell them what was on my mind, sort of as an anecdote. Even to total strangers.
And usually people are interested. It reassures them that I'm not in a foul mood because of them; and it makes me seem more transparent (and therefore non-threatening) because they see me opening up easily to them on demand. And personally I kind of have fun with it. It's kind of a surprise to me what comes out sometimes.
But that's how I've resolved that situation as I've gotten older. Furthermore, it suggests to me an answer as to why that situation was such a problem when I was younger. It was because I imagined some kind of high barrier or wall between "me" and "them" that I felt shouldn't be breached. Now that I've gotten in the habit of breaching it, I find it's kind of fun to let people in on my thought processes. I think it gets back to the "self-monitoring" thread, and perhaps concerns the issue of what we consider our "true self" (and how zealously we guard it from the outside world).
Just my two cents, of course. Oh well, off to bed.:zzz:
Good thoughts! I can relate to what you're saying...I do get annoyed, feeling like people are being invasive and forcing their views/attitudes/moods on me, but at the same time, I do feel like I sometimes put up an antisocial wall. When I'm at my least neurotic and most self-confident, things like that don't bother me as much, and I start to realize that the "barrier" is often self-imposed. I'm most protective of myself and more a staunch defender of my right to be different when I don't feel balanced or completely confident.
I'm not saying it's the same for everyone, but it does come into play with me. I imagine the level of one's introversion also is a factor. I am mostly introverted, but I have bursts of extraversion, and when I do, sometimes I'll FEEL like being a "yay" person, but it's still my choice. It's okay if you don't want to "yay," but deliberately choosing not to out of principle, just to be different, is not necessarily more "real." It might feel more real, but can also be a way to distance yourself from your humanity. I struggle with this idea a lot, and I don't know if it's an INTP thing? I feel isolated, so I make an effort to understand people better and my chameleon skills go to work. But then I feel uncomfortable after a while, b/c it feels inauthentic. Then I go back to being ultra-independent, which is a lot of the time just going against the grain to feel different/individualist. It's something I've struggled with my whole life, and I don't know if I've ever really come up with an answer for it.
I guess the closest I've come is to realize that there are a small group of people with whom I feel authentic, and I don't ever have to think about issues like this around them. These are the friendships that matter to me. It's only among acquaintances/work colleagues/etc. that the "fakeness" issue comes into play.