Lately I have been pondering a little bit whether I was really supposed to be an enfj. Most people think I am an extravert because I am engaging and chatty. I also am quite loud. I have a booming voice, booming manner (I stomp, not walk), and I can talk someone's ear off (and have--I have a jar of ears in my bedroom).
But then when I ponder my childhood, I don't think there is really any way. See, I favored Ni over Fe and Te, even when I had the choice to do the extraverted thing. Oftentimes I did not have the choice, per se, because my neighborhood kids were mean to me (older than me and picked on me, though I did fight back) or because I just did not have many friends. I had friends in school, just none outside school until I got on a sports team in 7th grade. Then I started hanging out with girls and spending the night and stuff. Trying to remember how I was in the crowd.....
I would hang with the group, but I can't remember much about it at that age, except that I usually felt a bit on the outside looking in; I felt like I saw things in a different way than others but just wouldn't talk much about it. And I realized my separateness from a very young age also. The things I liked weren't always the things others liked. I loved nature and horses, being outside with my dog, etc. I went to the mall a lot, but not really with people, more alone. As far as school goes, I always hated group projects, largely because the loud members would all agree on this one certain way and I'd be thinking it was stupid lol and yet I'd have to go along with it because I could not fight the mob. From puberty on I preferred to be alone unless I was hanging out with my basketball friends. But I distinctly remember feeling out of place at slumber parties, and even having to leave a few early because girls would be mean. Which is strange because I've always been big for my age. I think usually the culprit would be older girls, who seemed to terrify me when I was young. I think kids in the 70s were meaner than they are today? Not sure.
When I think of being in the woods alone and how I could not wait to hike every day on nature trails (behind my mom's apartments) there, pick berries, watch tv, explore, get lost on my horse, sneak into the pool, etc., it was usually alone that I did these things and I remember being happy in that moment. I also wished I had more friends I remember. Maybe I am stuck right in the middle of i/e. I know I am stuck right in the middle of t/f and j/p. The only thing I seem way more one of is my N.
So, I dunno. I'm a potentially loud, fun-loving, solitary, weird kind of gal who is happy with people (for a while) and happy by myself (for a while). Isn't that how most people are?
Thanks for reading, if you got this far.