Kyi
New member
- Joined
- Sep 27, 2009
- Messages
- 47
- MBTI Type
- ENFP
So I've been in a relationship with an INTJ male for the past 2 months. Our relationship is wonderful, we haven't really had a fight, and our time together is always a lot of fun. I have my own place, but I am usually at his place 4 nights out of the week. He's told me he'd like me to move in sometime, but in the future when his lease is up because his current place is pretty small. He's always working during the day so its not like we're really together all the time.
We had planned a weekend road trip this upcoming weekend, and decided to leave Saturday afternoon. My usual pattern is going over to his place on Friday and leaving on Monday or Tuesday, but this time, he told me he would prefer if I came on Saturday instead, because he wanted some alone time on Friday. He wanted to spend his alone time at his favorite local bar.
Of course, I am offended by this and immediately started asking him why he suddenly needed alone time and if there was something in 'particular' happening that night that he wanted me to be away for. He sighed and said he knew that I was going to react this way and just said "Is it crazy to be want to be alone for a little bit?" But it's not really being alone if you're going to go out?
In my head, I knew that he probably just really wanted to be by himself for a little and not have to tend to my needs, but part of me keeps wanting to think the worst. A feeling of "oh, it's finally gotten to the point where he needs to be away from me, and CAN be away from me." A feeling of the love that we has reached its fieriest point and is now starting to cool off. A feeling of not being wanted or needed as much. I knew deep down, this simple gesture of wanting to be alone should not have triggered all these thoughts into me. But a part of me really did kind of shrivel and I feel like I have to like him less, or hold back a part of myself from him. It's really stupid I admit, and I wish I did not take this so personally, but I just can't help it.
It's not that I don't trust him. I don't really have a reason not to distrust him, but him doing that triggered a lot of negative, paranoid thoughts and I can't help that I have lost a bit of trust. I know that if he knew that ALL this went through my mind just because he requested some time off is probably really silly. But I just start thinking about other random crap, like how he likes to get gets extra drunk when I'm not around. I did get mad at him in the past because it seemed like everytime we went out together, he never really drank a lot, but when he goes out alone, he gets inebriated. When I asked him about this (for some reason, slightly offended), he said it was because he can actually tolerate being around me enough that he doesn't have to be drunk. Which was a nice snappy response that was flattering, but is that the truth? In a way, I see it as that he feels uncomfortable showing that side of him to me, but he doesn't mind being drunk and silly around his friends?
Anyways, is my train of thought normal for this situation (well for my type anyways) and does he really just want a night off or do my paranoid delusions have some truth to them?
We had planned a weekend road trip this upcoming weekend, and decided to leave Saturday afternoon. My usual pattern is going over to his place on Friday and leaving on Monday or Tuesday, but this time, he told me he would prefer if I came on Saturday instead, because he wanted some alone time on Friday. He wanted to spend his alone time at his favorite local bar.
Of course, I am offended by this and immediately started asking him why he suddenly needed alone time and if there was something in 'particular' happening that night that he wanted me to be away for. He sighed and said he knew that I was going to react this way and just said "Is it crazy to be want to be alone for a little bit?" But it's not really being alone if you're going to go out?
In my head, I knew that he probably just really wanted to be by himself for a little and not have to tend to my needs, but part of me keeps wanting to think the worst. A feeling of "oh, it's finally gotten to the point where he needs to be away from me, and CAN be away from me." A feeling of the love that we has reached its fieriest point and is now starting to cool off. A feeling of not being wanted or needed as much. I knew deep down, this simple gesture of wanting to be alone should not have triggered all these thoughts into me. But a part of me really did kind of shrivel and I feel like I have to like him less, or hold back a part of myself from him. It's really stupid I admit, and I wish I did not take this so personally, but I just can't help it.
It's not that I don't trust him. I don't really have a reason not to distrust him, but him doing that triggered a lot of negative, paranoid thoughts and I can't help that I have lost a bit of trust. I know that if he knew that ALL this went through my mind just because he requested some time off is probably really silly. But I just start thinking about other random crap, like how he likes to get gets extra drunk when I'm not around. I did get mad at him in the past because it seemed like everytime we went out together, he never really drank a lot, but when he goes out alone, he gets inebriated. When I asked him about this (for some reason, slightly offended), he said it was because he can actually tolerate being around me enough that he doesn't have to be drunk. Which was a nice snappy response that was flattering, but is that the truth? In a way, I see it as that he feels uncomfortable showing that side of him to me, but he doesn't mind being drunk and silly around his friends?
Anyways, is my train of thought normal for this situation (well for my type anyways) and does he really just want a night off or do my paranoid delusions have some truth to them?