Rant time.
I'm in. In my experience there's a certain "knowing" that occurs between Fe users. A knowingness to look out for others and it shows in their behavior without them having to state it to each other. That is one of the best parts, not having to state it. It's just a force that hovers over. I feel it and it makes me trust Fe users more. They usually never let me down. When I see Fi in action, my immediate reaction is usually
![Shock :shock: :shock:](/data/vbsmilies/shocked-smiley-9444.gif)
and
![Huh :huh: :huh:](/data/vbsmilies/huh.gif)
. It's the function I have the hardest time understanding when I see it in action, and that feeling is what makes me understand why a lot of Fi users are wary of Fe. They must feel the same exact thing and that can make a person uneasy.
Totally agree with this. I don't think Fi users realize how much
silent (oh, because you don't say it out loud you think people don't feel it?) they throw out. And I really choose not to discuss things like this on the forum because even though my chances of getting this from any FP I come into contact with is hovering around the 50/50 range I still fight attributing this to their type. I simply do not feel comfortable slandering FPs in this manner the same way FPs feel comfortable slandering FJs.
I have three INFPs and one ENFP I work with and come into contact one of the INFPs is my boss. And I won't even give the benefit of the doubt of her being an unhealthy INFP because I don't think she is. I think she's ye average INFP who's already chosen what she's passionate about and what her focus is (in her early 60s). Her work ethic in unparalleled and her dedication is unquestioned. I personally think she's exploited as the department mule. But damn if she's not the most difficult person to work with, even through her own admission. IT writes skulls and crossbones next to her whenever we have a joint meeting with them. They stonewall every work effort she asks them to do and they only communicate through me (which she resents). She's even said to me I'm surprised you've managed to work with me this long. She has very set ideas of how she wants work to proceed, where she wants priority and focus, what outcome she wants. This woman will surreptitiously break people down just to build them back up. In one of my meetings with her we were talking about a particularly difficult grant we were working on and she says, "I just can't do it anymore, my soul is broken." I laughed, thinking she was being sarcastic. Then her eyes widened at me and I was oh, she's serious. She makes these emotionally manipulative volleys about her inner states all the time. I ignore it mostly.
The other two INFPs: One is a total space cadet. She must be like Halley's Comet, only orbiting the earth every 76 years. I've literally taken to talking about magical dragons coming out of the Potomac river when she comes around and she loves it! BTW, she's my age. She is incapable of having a serious conversation that has any meaning to the participants. Everything must be back-filtered through her. "Well I wouldn't want this..." or "I felt this..." Baby, we're not talking about you. Can you relate to anything without injecting your own subjective experience into it? She makes people uncomfortable talking to her because she personalizes everything and her manner prevents people from really talking about things around her. Once her, myself and two other coworkers were talking about whether or not they liked where tattoos are placed on the body, particularly the tramp stamp. She goes in a small baby voice "Well I have a tramp stamp." Another coworker says, "well just because I don't like the tramp stamp, doesn't mean I think you're a tramp. It's just what they're called." And then she says in that fricking annoying baby voice again "Oh." I'm convinced she does that baby voice to manipulate people from making certain comments she doesn't like. This is the same coworker who when I said my mother had breast cancer she instantly remarked about a pile of folders on the desk, "Those look like a stack of rainbows!" Don't go there about her being immature because I don't think so.
The last INFP woman I actually like. I remember I was having a conversation with her when we initially started hanging out, she was talking and I was looking at her. Suddenly she stopped mid-sentence and asked me what I was looking at. I'm totally puzzled and I said I'm looking at her speak. She then says "You're staring at my glasses! I broke my other set and had to wear these. I hate these they make my face look so round and fat!" I'm astonished, I wasn't looking at her glasses, I'm just listening to her. Another time I knew she had been dieting and the results were paying off. I, thinking I'm being encouraging to her and her weight loss efforts say, "I'm really glad you sticking to getting healthy, I would've fallen off the wagon by now!" She tightly said you're just saying that and then I got so mad at her I said, "You're right" and walked out. She later sent me an email apologizing for being so abrupt.
I'm really tired of Fis
consistently misinterpreting the intentions of FJs. It's like you can't even say anything to Fi users without them thinking you're lying to them or trying to convince them of the sincerity of your remarks.
But it's funny, I also notice with her if you don't say anything to her about her, she'll ask "Do you notice anything different about me?" She'll ask if her roots are showing or pantylines. I feel like she's projecting judgments about herself onto other people, thinking they're condemning her but she's condemning herself. I've noticed this weird self-consciousness with her: Look at me!/Don't look at me! Hello, catch 22. Just this Friday, I was leaving the bathroom when she was coming in and I opened my mouth to say hello and she puts her hand up and says "Look don't say anything about my haircut. The hairdresser cut it wrong." I hadn't even
noticed her hair was cut and I said that to her. And don't go throwing around well she's an unhealthy INFP or immature INFP because I don't think she is. I think she's just showing her typical INFPness.
Actually that was my final straw with her and I'm thinking about how to cut the strings without her noticing. My conversation around her will become increasingly vacuous and superficial; I'll say trite remarks, make banal jokes, and laugh politely. I feel like I was more tolerant of this behavior because I knew she was an INFP, we both knew about MBTI (although I'm definitely more into it than her), I was like OK this is just Fe/Fi differences. I did like how we had this instant connection, I felt comfortable around her quickly. But it's like this stuff never ceases with her, every week it will be some new thing I decided to overlook. But it was balanced out by how well we vibed with each other so I shrugged it off.
Does this behavior necessarily register on other people? Who knows? It's not on exhibit for all to see, it's only once you get close to these people that you begin to see this. Yeah, I'm a loud Fe-dom you can see me coming. But Fi users, don't act like your neuroses aren't spilling out. Like I said, it may not be as prominent but it's still there.
And this pattern in most of the Fi-doms I know (I have more experience with INFPs than any other FP, ExFPs don't quite act like this) I feel like I'm pretty good at feeling them out, figuring out where their soft spots are but I feel like very little of that is reciprocated back at me. I have felt that I have been the one to flex around them. Yeah, they're more "laid back" and easy-going than me. I'm more likely to say this is what I want than they are. They don't care what movie we see or what restaurant we go to or what we talk about or do. But there's this stiffness about them that I contort myself around and not the other way around. No it's not immediately noticeable, yes they're more quiet about it but it pushes outward just the same. It's this "prove yourself" thing, show me your worthiness! This isn't to say I don't get along with Fi-users because I mostly do, or at least I feel I do, God knows what drudgery the Fi-users I know think I'm inflicting upon them.