However there is one totally different way of thinking about my problem and for months I have this post "hidden" on my computer. It was made when I was moving from 5 to 1 but that didn't work ... and it didn't work for the same reason as all of my type changes.
There is something that is going around my mind lately as I am digging through my mind and trully core stuff. Idea is "crazy" but logic really stands if you think about it.
In the case someone said to me that I will ever write the post like this one I would think that they are completely out of their mind. Yet it it seems that "never say never" is true. The thing is that I am still not happy with my typing since there is still something that is observably off. Therefore to be completely honest I am starting to think I am actually one very deceitfull 3 (towards myself and others). I have said a number of times that 1 fits me very good but the conservative/traditional stuff was never a good fit for what I really do because of my brainy nature. However when you remove conservative stuff from e1 what is left is basically reserved version of e3. In most of my engages with 1s on this forum I have triggered responses like "I never thought of it that way" or "I have a problem with so much change". Also I look 1s in real life and how much they are uncomfortable at the signs of fundamantal change or being "bad", what is almost never too bothersome for me. The catch is that I am pretty good at not appearing as fake because I believe in my image and what I do, even if I struggle with some things about who I really am in core. (thousands of posts here may be taken as the proof)
However when you scratch the surface and connect the dots in a right way all of this really becomes much more obvious.
1. I always ask questions about stuff that will happen or are likely to happen, so that I know how to prepare for the whole thing in order to avoid problems and leave good impression.
2. There were days when I was reading 3 or 4 books a day but I am not sure that was purely for the sake of raw knowledge.
3. When I learned to play poker it took me only 3 games to win over my more experienced teachers.
4. I finnished my highschool at the top of my class.
5. I have took various courses for which I don't really care, simply because that may/will give me more money in the future.
6. I finnished my college on my second langauge and without braking a single deadline.
7. All presentations that I held were rated as good or very good. In general I am considered to be very persuasive person and I constantly push people into plans, successfuly.
8. My father says I am better cook than my mother ... and that really means something to me.
9. I tend to sit in the first line in classes and I got quite a few bonuses for doing that and being seen by the teacher.
10. I never went to drugs, pills, coffe and similar to that but that wasn't really about morals, I simply didn't want to shoot myself in the foot and this gave me huge sense of superiority, plus I knew that I can use the money in better ways.
11. Back in a day I was a shock jock purely for the sake of shock and attention and I was very good at it. From music about very disturbing topics to walking naked around school. (What kind of a 1 would do that?)
12. Some people think I am a saint and pacifist, on the other hand I have beat up some people since I could not tolerate their bullying anymore.
13. I often say "It really depends ...."
14. I am freelancer for highly specialized field and I want to have developed company one day.
15. I have made jokes that people remembered for years. In general people find me easy to remember for some "undefined" reason.
16. My father loves Star Wars: and for years he "insults" me with saying that I have sneeky emperor Palpatine personality.
17. When I was recently changing my MBTI type from INTJ to ENTJ I was very hesitant about that since INTJ was my own image for so many years and I really liked it.
18. I won the comedy contests with overwhelming majority of votes when I was 7.
19. I am very good at finding holes, I have even managed to do that to my dean on the first day.
20. I never typed as 3 because my image isn't that I have "defined image". That is too transparent and mainstream for my liking, not to mention that people must not get the sense that they see image. Therefore people have a really hard time figuring out stuff about me with certainty, since I am not transparent at all. (what looks like a 5 in alot of ways) Today the best way to seduce people is to tell the truth, since truth is in very short supply. On the other hand it can be debated that my image is desire to be smarter and more competent than others around me. (since that is true)
21. I never had more than 10 pounds extra from my ideal weight.
22. When I was studing hard science in college I was very scientfic and 5ish, while now I am somewhat less concerned about scientific principles. Now it also makes more sense to act like a 1 so I am doing a 1 thing.
23. Back in my gaming days I could beat my friends with scores like 50:0 or even 350:0. Some of them didn't even want to talk about it for days ... and that still makes me smile.
24. I started many conversations for the sake of impression or "data gathering".
25. I have often wondered from where 4ish stuff in me are coming from and I never managed to pinpoint that with certainty. While in fact that could simply be my wing. Also some people here see some 6ish traits in me and that would be integration in this case. What in combination with technical expert tritype and NTJness can made me think that I am 5w6, what was my type for years. Integration to six would probably boosts my 1 fix as well.
26. My social alienation can be treated as one very long period of desintegration to 9, 100% flegmatic. However I was never that much of an outsider as much as I took that as my "image". My life was pretty dark and I didn't want it to be like that ... so doing everything I did for the sake of love, security or attention is not crazy concept.
27. I dislike when everything is static and set in stone. Since there is no real challange.
28. My problem with women is for the good part related to the fact that I have a problem being "emotionally naked". However even now when I am doing something about it finally I have concentrated on better looking ones. Since in the end there will still be the question of "compatibility", so it is better to shoot higher from the start. (in my opinion)
29. I dislike messy and inefficient, because this can slow me down in my progress. Also my room was always the cleanest in the house because that gave me sense of superiority. It was often so clean that my parents would come in when I am not at home in order to enjoy the cleaness. (I found them in there a couple of times just lying on the sofa or chairs).
All of this is just a bunch of random facts but basically all of them have one thing in common and that is desire to win. However even with this change I am still in the technical expert tritype zone so there is no fundamental change. Not to mention that technical expert tritype, NTJness, integration to 6 and integration to 9 would in the end look a lot like 5w6 when summed, what was my presented core type for years. The trick is that I am sx last a therefore I lack the glamour of the type 3, especially due to 1w9 an 5w6 fixes. My 3ness is more focused on superb knowledge, wanting to be more knowledgeable and competent than others, providing good advices or results and being able to take any problem with ease because of my advanced expertise.
Plus I think that in this case I will go back to Sp/So in this case, So 3 is a little bit too social for me. The theme of Sp 3 is: I will never be hungry, sick, poor, unloved and incompetent and I can really relate to that when I take a really deep thought about what makes me do things. Sp 3 is known as 1 that isn't 1 and as Sp/So it can look as So/Sp at face value due to 3ish tendecies. Also pilling up achievements and complaining how much your life sucks is pretty stereotypical 3ish behavior. (8ish elements are also likely to appear from time to time)
Therefore when I think of myself as 3 I throw away alot of wisdom about e3.
First, that type and its profiles are quite distorted through American culture that doesn't apply to me, Sp instinct would mild the extroversion part, plus technical expert tritype would push the whole ambition more towards science and knowledge while it would keep it's triple-robotic, triple competency definition. There is no reason that technical expert can't be 3 core and the way how I imagine such person is quite close to what I actually see in my life choices. Plus, since English isn't my first language I may not sound openly 3ish on the forum, but that doesn't mean that I am not having those kinds of thoughts. Many of my posts were made simply because I wanted to show my intellectual edge or I was simply bored.
I relate to 1w9, 3w4, 8w9 and 5w6. But ....
I am too open minded and flexible for a 1
I am too diplomatic and untransparent for an 8
I am too ambitious and bossy for a 5
So maybe I am indeed the type that can look as any other type at any time. This is really reasonable assumption at the end of the day.
In the end all of this is all very simple: I am not a thinker but careerist, however I want to have a career of being a thinker.
Therefore In the end I would be ENTJ 3w4, 1w9, 5w6 Sp/So/Sx
Later I was curious and I was digging though enneagram institute website and I found this.
The principal reason these two very different types are confused is that some average Threes (especially if they are intelligent) would like to see themselves as "thinkers." Since Fives are most stereotypically seen as the "intelligent, thinking type," average Threes may choose it rather than the type they actually are. This misidentification is made almost exclusively by Threes since Fives are not likely to think that they are Threes. Average Threes are set up to fulfil the hidden expectations of their parents; so in a family that values intelligence, originality, and intellectual brilliance, it is quite natural for Threes to grow up thinking that they must be those things in order to be worthwhile. Thus, narrow conceptions of the types, or unflattering and unfair presentations of type Three in some Enneagram literature may cause some average Threes to want to be Fives.
We have all been deceived, myself included.