Not core 1, but strong 1 fix so yeah (though that said this is heavily influenced by 6, and to a lesser extent 2).
[snip] I keep 8w9 as fix since I do not find anger/energy to be something bad while 1w9s should be ashamed of that for the most part ...
This is hard to say because I can't say confidently that I'm necessarily "ashamed" of my anger, but I can't totally contradict that. It's much easier for me to say that I
struggle with my anger, however, and going in circles with the anger is not uncommon for me.
When I feel like my anger is well-placed, especially in regards to the justice of something, I allow my anger to flow freely through me. I'm right to be angry. It feels justified and I feel empowered to use it.
The times I struggle with my anger is when I feel like I "shouldn't" be angry but I am anyway, when I feel like I don't have control over the anger. It's spreading like a wildfire and I'm being unfair and unnecessarily harsh to others, even if it's only in my mind and not spoken aloud. And the "going in circles" thing happens in that I go back and forth on the "rightness" of my anger and then I get angry that at my own self-imposed limitations and inhibitions.
I feel like I deserve to be angry, but at the same time it doesn't feel quite right.
At the same time, I feel ashamed if I've wrongfully hurt another person while struggling with this.
So yeah, it's not that anger in itself is something to be ashamed of. It's "wrongful" anger, untamed. Because if I let that happen, I let it corrupt myself and my environment, and then I feel at a loss because I feel "bad."
while the facts and motives simply SCREAM 1 in my case. Everyone that knows me knows that 1ish anger just radiates out of me on daily basis and I am so comfortable with the concept of anger that I give myself an 8 fix. However I keep almost all of the frustrations for my self and I am person that does not snap at all but my actions or rethoric can show clearly that I am completely pissed off.
How would you differentiate 1 and 8 anger, in more detail please?
Btw, I wouldn't say I'm totally uncomfortable with anger the way 9 might be. Like I said, if it's justified, I'm okay with it, though I might still tame it externally. But I've noticed in my 8-fixed SO, he does tend to be more at ease with his anger. He doesn't have to lean on a superego feeling that his anger is right, based on objective standards of goodness. Not sure how to explain it better, but hmm.