What do you find difficult about it?
Being an ENFJ? Well...
One can only search one's soul.
And I think ENFJs need to evaluate their connections with other people to do this. It can become tangled & terrifying. Being alone essentially limits my ability to see myself or make sense of what I feel & think about me & my world. I can be fine alone, need it sometimes, but it is work to be alone. And, if I am always looking for self-betterment, I am also looking to be independent, capable & self-aware - which is usually gauged by one's ability to be isolated. (I think this is where the attraction to SPs comes in, because they can live outside their emotions & actually sort them out alone whereas I live through mine & can't sort them out without something external.) There is a constant tension there.
I think I am unaware of how vulnerable this process can make me until I come in contact with someone who doesn't supply me with the kind of feedback that I use to process everything. The same is probably true of my ISTP (who had several outbursts at the beginning of our relationship that seemed pretty off for him). He didn't really feel that those deeper feelings ever mattered or needed to come out. And I don't think that's wrong... I think I could be just fine never really getting much into Ti & he would be fine without a lot of Fe. But not being together. Together I feel like we will have to figure out ways to remind ourselves of these weak spots just enough to give the other what they need every now and again.
I have never had issues that I recognized as insecurity or self doubt. At least not conventional ones. I have felt overly judgmental, blunt or socially exhausted before but I've never felt unlovable or oppressive or needy or anything like that before this relationship. In the beginning I felt a fear that I was losing myself but it left when I became aware that I was only afraid those things were possible (I was to blame for the conflict) because I knew I couldn't blame him for being different from me. I went through a period of thinking I was weak because I couldn't adapt to be like him. Once I learned how he worked, and he started to understand me, that changed dramatically.
He is a wonderful sweet man who has given me so much. I know that we may not be "together forever," but I'm not going to leave him just to look for someone "better" for me when he loves me & tries to be there for me as much as he can. I can't even believe I got through the beginning of it all, because it
was a nightmare, but I've heard "find someone more compatible... it'll never get better... he'll never give you..." a million times & the
only reason I have gotten to see how he loves me & what he
wants to give is because I gave us a chance. Its so easy to just say those things & completely disregard that I have a loving person who is my best friend & my family & it will never be as simple as looking him in the eye & saying he's too difficult to love.
And trust me poki, she doesn't want to blame you. It happens as a reaction based on her anger because she doesn't have time to process how she really feels about it. It is very difficult to control that kind of outburst but once she thinks about it she probably concludes that she was hasty & just doesn't say anything because there is shame in bringing it up after she's cooled down. You probably appear to forget she blamed you at all & she takes advantage of that so she doesn't have to feel ashamed that she was wrong to be so judgemental. I bet if you asked her she'd say just that.
and
mcmartinez84, I absolutely adore you. Thank you so much.