Why doesn't anyone like ESFJ's?

[Amargith]

Ask ISTPs how they feel about ESFJs

 

[Xenon]

you're prototype to what society wants all of us to be! don't whine!

Not all of us; just all women after the age of 25 or so.

ttrim, I hope this doesn't discourage you from posting here further. ESFJs are generally quite well liked in the "real world", though the attitude about them on forums like this one can get rather negative. Others have pretty much covered the reasons already. This forum is made up of mostly IN types, especially INPs. We tend to be quite different from ESJs in how we think and behave, and that can cause people to clash with each other. And, ESJs are relatively much more common in the real world and much less common on here, so this place can become a place to complain and vent about problems with them.

I personally do want to see more diversity on here though, so I hope you stick around. There are a few ESJs on here and they seem pretty accepted (as far as I can tell anyway, I haven't been around long).

And, it's possible you aren't an ESFJ anyway: those tests aren't always accurate, and often people change their minds about which type best fits them after learning more about the theory.

So, welcome. :hi:

 

[Speed Gavroche]

Hello there, I just joined today. I recently took the MBTI from a counselor and tested ESFJ. After coming here and reading all the posts it seems like my type is more of a curse for me. What are the reasons why everyone is so down on my type?

I don't really understand... I like ESFJs personally.

 

[Speed Gavroche]

Yeah unhealthy IPs are more likely to slip under most people's radars compared to unhealthy EJs.

Yeah I can see that. But why especially that EJ type?

 

[Ruthie]

Hey ttrim, welcome. Probably the best people I know are ESFJs - so I certainly hope you stick around.

 

[Ruthie]

ESFJs can be quite lovely when they've developed some of their tertiary Ne. They are very warm and friendly, and then the tertiary Ne gives them some wits to boot. I don't have anything against ESFJs. It's those ESTJs that annoy the shit out of me.

Wow. I'm a teaspoon of extroversion away from ESTJ. This seems kind of harsh.

 

[Thalassa]

Wow. I'm a teaspoon of extroversion away from ESTJ. This seems kind of harsh.

ESTJs can be kind of harsh. That's why they're annoying. They tend to be insensitive and overbearing.

 

[Ruthie]

ESTJs can be kind of harsh. That's why they're annoying. They tend to be insensitive and overbearing.

One of my closest friends is ESTJ, and she's hilariously cynical. Did you ever see Raiders of the Lost Ark? You know the famously improvised scene with the sword-wielding guy who has all the fancy tricks? Jones watches for a minute, pulls out his gun and just shoots him. That's kind of how she is in conversation. She'll listen to someone turn something simple into something complex, and then she'll just bring it all back down to Earth with a witty remark. She's a lot more cynical than I am (kind of proudly grumpy, you know?) Every time I talk to her, she has another group of people who annoy her (most recently, suburban moms who bring their kids to city coffee shops). She's only in her 20s now, but when she's much older, she'll make the perfect curmudgeon. She's also a brilliant writer and can out-debate anyone.

I grant you, she won't give anyone the warm and fuzzies, but she is extremely witty and likable. I used to work with her, and she was sort of the organization's mascot.

 

[chickpea]

one of my best friends is a (possible) ESFJ and i love her!

i think it's just because they're pretty common and like someone else said, an irritating EJ is going to be a lot more noticeable than an irritating INFP for example

 

[Saslou]

Hi ttrim *salutes* .. Don't pay to much attention to the profile, you do end up feeling like shit .. I am not a hard core ESFJ .. I'm currently ROFL, which says it all.

T'is life .. Some people you get on with, some you don't, I'm not losing any sleep over it. Neither should you.

See you around darling

 

[JustHer]

Yeah I can see that. But why especially that EJ type?

Cause people secretly fear the Te doms, which leaves only the Fe doms to hate.

 

[astroninja]

Hello there, I just joined today. I recently took the MBTI from a counselor and tested ESFJ. After coming here and reading all the posts it seems like my type is more of a curse for me. What are the reasons why everyone is so down on my type?

'We' hate your types for the very fact that you give enough of a damn to ask.

I hate eating liver, but they still sell it at the market. I don't have to understand why I hate it, I just do. If a liver comes up to me and asks me why I hate eating it, I'd tell him to buzz off cause I'm too busy getting it on with the tastier slabs of meat. Regardless of my dislike for livers, the liver can still exist happily in a functional body other than my own. So why the need to care what my food preference is? Why bother me with your vomit-inducing grainy texture? ESFJs would naturally want to know, and INTPs & INTJs will naturally not feel inclined to give a reason because we are your undisputed superiors and needn't explain our inherent dislike for certain types.

I don't hate ESFJs though. You're still one heck of a sexy beast to me, as long as you don't taste like liver. A person is not entirely defined or limited by his type - fortunately for you. I'm sure you'll make a great party host, and while you're in the kitchen, can you fetch me some pretzels?

 

[astroninja]

I don't hate ESFJs, I just pretend to hate them so INTPs will like me.

The answer is, because most of the people here are INTx, and don't like or understand their shadow type. The rest of us are just following the crowd.

I'm an INTP and I like you a lot. You rock my world. I have Krispy Kremes at my place.

 

[Kenneth Almighty]

The ESFJs I know are unfunny party poopers.

At their best, they try to hoard attention and then have no idea on what to do with it when they have it. At worst, they realize this fact and then go out of their way to ruin everyone else's fun.

I'd however respect the possibility of me being extremely biased, as I'm going off of an ESFJ friend and a sister, here.

 

[Space_Oddity]

Hum, I don't think that anyone doesn't like ESFJs. In the real world, they seem to belong to the 'most successful' types (in a social sense); they always have a lot of friends, lot of success with the other gender, people find them funny, outgoing and pleasurably "normal". They have a good sense of what is accepted, so they behave and look as acceptable as possible.

And that is probably the reason why it seems that people here hate them, because they are often the opposite of all mentioned above.

This is my general view of this, but if you want my personal opinion, I don't like the 'drama queen' nature of some ESFJ girls I know. When I was still in middle school and high school, it seemed to me that they often cried and pitied themselves for absolutely no reason (their social position was like, million times better than mine, and I didn't make a thousandth as much fuss about it as they did about their (in my eyes) petty problems). Also, now in university I've made an ESFJ friend who initially seemed very friendly, out-going and light-hearted to me, and we connected pretty well last year, but since we became flatmates this year, she's changed, and to my dismay she never stops nagging, she is extremely concerned about mundane things I don't give a damn about, and overall she's become very bitchy and unpleasant. And I confess that my experience with ESFJ males is even less pleasurable.

But still, there are definitely some ESFJs out there that I like, like the classmate of mine who doesn't nag or 'drama-queens' at all, just the opposite, she's extremely good-natured, jovial, sanguine and always brings good mood everywhere she comes. In the end it all depends on individual characteristics of the person, not really their general type, so don't worry about it too much.

 

[jenocyde]

I like ESFJs, just don't always find it easy to have the types of conversations that I like to have. I know 3 (?) ESFJs in real life and we are somewhat limited to talking about baking, knitting, celebrity backstabbing and interpersonal gossip. That's not to say that I don't enjoy those conversations or that all ESFJs have them to this extent. There is also a bit of the drama queen, like the poster above mentioned, and it gets a bit ridiculous at times. I mean, really, sometimes it's a bit... much.

I think any ExxJ is going to come off as overbearing and controlling, which turns people off sometimes. That being said, ExxJs are the types I get along with the best - straight shooters with good common sense (out of the pool of people I know personally).

Like someone else said, all types have their requisite "bad behavior" that is annoying. I wouldn't worry about it too much.

 

[Kaveri]

ESFJ is really close to ISFJ and I really like the description of ISFJs. I don't know any ISFJs or ESFJs in person (actually... I probably know some but I just don't know that they're SFJs) but Charlotte in Sex and the City, for example, is an xSFJ, and she's reaally sweet.

 

[Space_Oddity]

I like ESFJs, just don't always find it easy to have the types of conversations that I like to have. I know 3 (?) ESFJs in real life and we are somewhat limited to talking about baking, knitting, celebrity backstabbing and interpersonal gossip. That's not to say that I don't enjoy those conversations or that all ESFJs have them to this extent.

Yeah, this is also true. It's not that I don't 'like' ESFJs, it's just that it's hard for me to connect with them on any other level than this. We talk about relationships and clothing, and that's about the end of it. I find it enjoyable, but not exactly 'fulfilling'. Besides, they usually find me 'weird', so we don't have much opportunity to really get to know each other in the first place.

 

[Spamtar]

ESFJs can be fun to go nuts with.

Just be thankfull your not an ESTJ

 

[Little Linguist]

Hello there, I just joined today. I recently took the MBTI from a counselor and tested ESFJ. After coming here and reading all the posts it seems like my type is more of a curse for me. What are the reasons why everyone is so down on my type?

Personally, I cannot understand it. Seems stupid and childish. The only thing I can figure is that the Fe is overly exasperating to some individuals where Fe is their main weakness.

With Te and Fe as my highest functions (yeah, I'm a weird cookie) I like it (in moderation).

Only problem comes when Fe is not checked by anything (reality).