I'm curious about ISTPs and trust in general. Loyalty doesn't seem like it would be a very strong ISTP quality seeing as they are so in the moment & commitment seems like it would also be an issue for a type that doesn't want to be tied down. I figure ISTPs are good at keeping secrets & not making unnecessary judgments. These qualities seem trustworthy... but overall ISTPs seem difficult to trust to me. They seem almost constantly distracted from all areas that would require, enforce or value trust. And when they aren't distracted its like they want to keep something from you.
The "in the moment" thing is accurate but I feel that it's blown out of proportion. It's not like we don't recollect or think things out or wonder why things are a certain way. It's just that we reserve certain times to do this - usually when alone and in private. Otherwise, we are where we are when we are there. If that makes sense?
You're an ENFJ. Not to get too much into type but ENFJ/ISTP are very different. So more energy needs to be put in to understand the other. I had a two year relationship with an ENFJ. It was the craziest, roller coaster relationship. Trust was a major issue with him. For some reason, he just didn't trust me. This fueled a lot of him picking fights and me exploding in anger.
For the ISTPs out there, do you consider yourself trustworthy? And how does that fit in with your independent / "live for now" way of being? Have you had many issues with trust?
Yes.
It fits just fine.
I haven't had any issues with trust. Other people have had issues trusting me. (I've always considered it their problem. Not mine and therefore not my problem to fix).
I'm curious because I find these traits that I've noticed in ISTPs to be confused with what I'd call red flags for trust... (I'm not saying that they are, or that ISTPs can't be trustworthy. But I would like to understand them outside of my way of thinking.)
ISTPs:
- blowing "hot & cold" in relationships.
- always looking for new sensations, excitement, adventures.
- getting antsy when they've been with someone for too long without some new stimuli.
- not expressing what's on their mind... sometimes even when they're asked.
- not offering much about themselves or feedback when someone has revealed themselves to them.
I second what a everyone else has said about the hot and cold thing.
I've never been antsy in a relationship. If I feel like I would be I wouldn't be in it to begin with. No, I'd say ISTP's getting antsy for more stimuli is geared towards physical activity and hobbies rather than relationships.
If I'm in a relationship that says a lot. I wouldn't be there if I didn't feel or want to be. I cannot stress that enough. ISTP's generally don't put themselves in positions where we are unhappy. We're sort of selfish about our time that way. So if you're in a relationship with an ISTP then you are cared for.
and you should feel lucky cause we don't give our time to a lot of people and why isn't this enough for you people??!.... 
Uh. I hate being asked a question that I haven't thought about or don't know. Or worse takes me off guard. I usually just stare blankly back. In my brain this is what's going on:
"uhhhhhhh............"
About feedback. I think it could be a number of things. The age and experience of the ISTP is a big thing. I'm 30 and it's only been in the last few years that I have realized that I need to actively
ask about other people's lives and
share what's going on in mine. Even so, I have to *remember* to ask about someone else. It's not an automatic process.
Seems like common sense but it's not. It's just not something we even realize that's necessary. That this is how other people share and build relationships. Things that I pay attention to when a SO is speaking to me is if they punctuate their speech with "This is really important to me" or "I'm nervous about this" You have to be direct with your emotions in a concrete way for them to recognize it and take action to "fix" it for you. (our version of comforting you). Also, pay attention to the small things that your ISTP does. It may seem small but that's how he/she shows care. Does he fill up your gas tank when he uses your car? If you absently say "I'm thirsty" does he appear with water a minute later without you asking? Just giving some exact examples but don't dismiss those things.
And how difficult is it, as an ISTP to trust someone? Is trust important to you?
I think it's an unconscious process and something that happens instinctively. Sometimes I'll meet someone for the first time and hit it off and we are good friends from then on. Sometimes I can know someone for a long time and they never get past acquaintance. All depends. I can say that pressure to build trust usually backfires. Just let it happen naturally. Actually, I think a lot of other types would do much better with ISTP's if they just ignored half their thoughts about us and just enjoyed the time spent for what it is. Quit thinking so much!
